Cont..

Dear StG,

You wrote;

“it has just stuck with me and I don't know why. My logic says one thing but my mind has a completely different idea on how to deal with it. Which isn't very well.”

This mirrors my experience and all I can offer is some of the things that seemed to work for me. Talking to family and friends only went so far as did a phone conversation with a psychologist friend. It is as though my logic needed attending to before I could get my emotions in check and just being told by others that any guilt I felt was totally unreasonable was useless. What really made a big difference was a good talk with a serving officer. We stepped through each part of the incident and my responses. Perhaps it was the authority of years of experiencing similar situations himself or by his collegues but my logic was bastioned and therefore the ability to deal with the emotional turmoil strengthen considerably.

That might not have made a lot of sense to many others here but perhaps it may help you. My incident happened a few weeks back too and I do find time healing things. Be proactive in chasing down what might work for you though. I'm not sure where I might have been now if I hadn't.

All the best.

Thanks very much. Very much appreciate it.

Dear individual,

I'm not sure if you were primarily making a political point but I will assume the stress you are experiencing is indeed 'extremely high' and although you do not say it directly that it is impacting your family life as well as those of your colleagues.

This is probably the type of workplace stress I struggle most identifying with due to my limited experience working for a boss much less an organisation, yet the bullying that foxy experienced obviously had a deep and lasting impact on her and if you are facing a similar situation with an incompetent boss then I can understand how your emotional health would suffer and I feel for you.

I wish to repeat the notion of helplessness. Foxy felt it in her situation, PorK-ChoP is obviously experiencing it waiting for the measles test, StG through no fault of his own has had the experience of having someone critically injured through impacting the vehicle he was driving, for me it was a simple as losing my grip on an arm.

I am getting the sense that this feeling of helplessness is a major part of the stress we experience. As irrational as that sounds mine comes from my inability to change the past now knowing what was at stake.

Perhaps our inevitable parades of 'what ifs' are part of a natural human survival response of 'scenario processing', better equipping us to deal with certain stressful situations if God forbid they reoccur. I am warming to the idea that perhaps the short term pain I am experiencing will mean just that, although this could be just a personal framing I have created as a way of coping better.

I'm not sure anyone else is a fan of TED talks but I found this recent one on stress topical. It has a little of that American 'self help' flavor but the message about the way we view stress as being the prime determinant on the degree it impacts our general health seems backed up by solid research. As does the role of others.
http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend.html

csteeke
What an awful thing to witness. Some of you have also shared similar experiences. As human beings we feel deeply the hardship and pain of others and it is not unusual to be impacted by these sorts of experiences, even if sometimes the emotional impacts are felt later.

I can only say don't keep your feelings inside but get out there and talk about it particularly to your GP who will mostl likely recommend counselling. For those who find this difficult, talk to friends and family and don't be afraid to have a good cry.

I experienced an event some time ago. All I can offer is the impact diminishes over time. There is still some latent anger, albeit minimal. Sometimes if I let myself dwell on it, tears come, but mostly it is in the past and there it mostly stays.

At that time I did not get help and chose to deal with it myself. With hindsight it was probably not a good choice. I say probably only because I cannot compare what might have been.

Don't make the same mistake. In saying that, everyone is different and people deal with the same experiences in different ways. At some point you make a choice to move on from it but I don't think that can happen early on. There is truth in the adage that you need time to grieve, time to feel angry - just don't let it define you. And that is harder than it sounds.

Hi all,

Well after nearly 10 years and a little over 2,000 posts time has come to bid OLO farewell.

I always try and put family first and issues have arisen on another thread that have made this decision pretty easy. However I will miss both friend and foe, especially the OLO old timers who have made this such a special place. Keep up the good fight.

I want to thank the host Graham Young for creating and sustaining the site for such a long period.

To all those who have posted on this thread all the best. I will be thinking of you.

Sad to see you go csteele. Your rational, compassionate and reasoned arguments will be missed. Saying 'take care of yourself' sounds hollow but I really mean it, take time to heal and then smell the roses. :)