correction...'we did respect our parents'...cheers

BD, the problem with the type of corporal punishment you’ve described is that it’s not terribly effective at making the kind of behavioural change you’re trying to achieve. My guess is that to your daughter and her friend it simply looked as though you had lost control of yourself. I wonder if there’s a part of you that feels the same. Perhaps this episode might have effectively communicated to her your anxiety about the danger you felt she was putting herself in, but as a long term strategy for setting boundaries around the behavior of a girl entering adolescence it ain’t going to work. Maybe it might be appropriate for a toddler in a fork-in-the-powerpoint situation, but I’m not even sure about that.

What works is being clear about the expected behavior, being clear about the consequences, and above all following through on those consequences. Don’t set consequences you might not be able to enforce. I reckon sometimes it’s more important to be consistent than to be fair. Don’t hit kids, and don’t humiliate them: in the long run this will lessen your daughter’s trust in you, and ultimately make you less in charge. Eventually you might be able to make your daughter understand why you are setting these boundaries, but this is only going to work if you can maintain her trust (which is different from her fear or her love).

My guess is that I read the Bible differently from you. My interpretation of “spare the rod….” isn’t literal: I take it to mean “don’t be afraid to set and enforce limits when you need to”. Doing so with violence isn’t the right way. Perhaps it was hard to send a naughty Israelite to his room when they were living in tents.

No, I’m not a teacher, I’ve been working for the last eight years in a juvenile detention facility. I wish you luck: it must be scary having a kid entering adolescence these days.

I difficult topic.

I'm in the "To smack" camp rather than the "To SMACK" camp. Its a tool in the discipline toolbox that should only be used with great care
- when no other tool will do the job effectively
- at the time of the incident, only use it to stop a situation escalating out of control not as a consequence for something that is over and done with and just needs follow up.
- never when the smacker is angry.
- not on adolescent or teenage bottoms. BD I think a twelve year old girl is getting old enough that you should consider her bottom off limits no matter how well meaning your intent might be.
- never above the waist

There are times with some kids in day to day parenting when a smack can stop a much bigger situation developing, they can be a very effective means of getting the attention of a child who is not interested in thinking about longer term consequences for their actions. I don't think that they are effective in altering long term behaviour but can have a place in managing right now behaviour.

R0bert

Has anyone else managed to view ADHDCURE.WMV which shows one of the Characters on Southpark a teacher, with three out of control kids in the background. The teacher then provides some corporal punishment to two of them and the third suddenly becomes - well let's say "more reasonable".

The punch line (if you will pardon the pun) is "You can either calm down or I can pop you in the mouth again"

Have a look and see what you think.

Then go and have a look at how docile children become when they are not fed junk food most of the time.

To Robert and Snout and others....

thanx for the feedback. I've deliberately set a rather controversial tone to the thread :)...but in conclusion I have to agree with Robert on his 'Corporal punishment is just one of a raft of discipline tools'

As for me and my daughter.. we have a great relationship, and she never repeated that dangerous behavior, and I never smacked her again.
The key to that whack, was that she was subjecting her self to potential PHYSICAL violence of the worst kind...... hence my rather physical approach. No further correspondence on that :)

Corporal punishment indeed should be a tool of last resort, and the Biblical point of 'spare the rod' ... yes.. it means as far as I can see 'discipline' rather than a litteral whacker, but it sure does not exclude a whacker or a whack.

Did I hear SOUTH PARK ? :) I find them to be... one of the most insightful sources of social commentary around. Specially the episodes on Peta and Scientology.

I used to be a 12 year girl/woman once and like any human being wasn't always perfect.

My father NEVER, EVER raised a hand to me. If he had done what Boaz did to his daughter, I am sure that my mother would've left him. I am disgusted. When I read his post I couldn't help but to put myself in his daughter's shoes - I am utterly sickened. I wonder now, how BD's daughter treats her children. And I wonder how secretive she became while still in Boaz' household - the lengths one would go to, to avoid such inappropriate over reaction.

As for physical punishment, I wonder why adults seem to think that misbehaviour is so out of bounds - children - they're little human beings! It is not necessary to hit anyone - including animals. And it is easier explaining the rules of ones home to a child than it is to an animal and I have no need use physical punishment on either.