Continuing with the metaphor:

Facts from the horse’s mouth -

“Ah if I were vain, I would think this post was about me …”

“I do welcome the company of “like minds”, I am married to one …”

“I am married to a lady who described herself to me as the vainest person I would ever meet …”

Conclusion:

The horse really is vain,

or the pony and horse are not of like minds,

or the pony doesn’t know what the horse is doing,

or the horse really is narcisstic,

or all of the above.

Ammonite, thanks for the thread and illuminating comments.

Lexi, thanks for the link.

Col, whatever makes you happy.

Col,

Good for your show pony. Personally I couldn't think of anything less exotic than poncing around with a fawning minion like yourself....but if she's happy, fair enough.

bonmot people who formulate an analysis of someone based on what other people say, without knowing, seeing, meeting or talking with the person in question-

are opportunist, lazy and stupid

They are opportunist because they analyse purely on what is presented.

They are lazy because a real analyst does more research than to simplistically listen to third party views

They are stupid because, considering the two comments above, they charge on in and make a complete fool of themselves with their armchair analysis which is completely devoid of real worth.

Grow up, smarten up and ask some basic research questions, instead of just listening to what you are fed -

before you make an even bigger fool of yourself than you have already

Poirot... me fawning around... the reason she married me was because, unlike all the fellows before me, I was neither hyper-conceited nor was I a fawning puppy-dog, running around, grovelling for her attention or to ingratiating her by doing her bidding (she had known both types in her past and was intolerant of both).

She found in me what I found in her... we are mirrors

Again, like bomnot, you present yourself as having a grasping inadequacy by making snap judgements, designed solely to aggrevate and annoy, instead of illuminate .....

on the scale of being capable of making reasoned argument, you (both) fall in the middle of the lower quartile of performance.... on an intellectual scale, somewhere between pond-life and lemmings.

What a matched pair you make-

both looking away from and suited only to holding up books of wisdom, which you are incapable of comprehension or appreciation

a pair of bookends.

I will stop there... I would hate to feed you guys enough to forment "flaming"

Discussion thread needs some reiteration.

This discussion thread is about assisting anyone who has had dealings with NPD personalities.

I have given examples that it is useless trying to reason with a narcissist or playing them at their own game. It must be acknowledged we all have a level of narcissism or we wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the mornings, however we also believe that reason will win over the most recalcitrant. And this plays right into the tangle a complete narcissist weaves.

I have stated that the examples and posts I and all other posters have made and I stress EVERYONE, either knowingly or unwittingly have proven that the narcissist personality cannot change, nor are they given to self-reflection. Rather, they will resort to sarcasm when it is clear that nothing else they have said has convinced anyone that they are superior beings.

"A narcissist has a way of turning everything around so you begin to question yourself. He will do something terribly mean or cruel. You will talk to him about it, but by the end of the conversation, you are the one apologizing for some reason. A narcissist knows how to manipulate better than anyone.

In my experience, a narcissist eventually becomes sarcastic and belittles you constantly. You begin to feel you can do nothing right in his eyes and your presence is hardly tolerable. You’re baffled. You wonder what you did wrong to cause such a drastic change in his feelings toward you. You struggle desperately to return things to the way they were in the beginning. Unfortunately, as hard as you try, things will never be the same again. This is because everything he did in the beginning was an act to secure your love, nothing more. It is a maddening and precarious way to live. It can drive anyone to the edge of their sanity."

http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/a-narcissist-knows-how-to-manipulate-better-than-anyone-1041736.html

Cont'd

Cont'd

A narcissist wins by having his/her victims questioning their own self-worth. Therefore, dealing with such people requires a strong sense of self. The best revenge is simple, although difficult to do when one feels mistreated:

Live and let live.

This may mean simply walking away, cutting our losses; for example changing jobs, seeking a divorce or developing a skin as thick as the narcissists themselves (which may be the only option for families).

Finally I will state the old cliche:

Constant vigilance.

A good clue is when a person finds him or herself questioning their abilities, take a good look at the circumstances. No one is as incompetent as a narcissist would have you believe. There are many support groups for people injured by the behaviour of the narcissist, the following link is to a Facebook page where one can talk directly with others:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_46881395412&ap=1

Regards to all.

Dear Ammonite,

Thank You for this thread it certainly has been an eye-opener.
I was brought up to believe that good manners were essential
and that one had a moral obligation to display charitable
conduct. As far as bragging goes - As Ross Macpherson tells us
in the link I gave not everyone is comfortable bragging. "Bragging
is rude and obnoxious... We've all met those annoying blowhards who
talk about themselves constantly." However there is another type
of bragging that he mentions. "I'm talking about taking ownership
for what you can do well, recognizing it, and articulating it to
the right people in a comfortable, interesting, and seamless way.
It takes finesse and it takes practice and it can pay huge
dividends in your career... in other words its an art well worth
learning."

Some people will never learn the art of subtlety. They view every
encounter as a battlefield, a contact sport. Their substitute for
good manners is fast reflexes. This type of behaviour is strongest
among low-status members of society who regardless of how they brag,
their actions and behaviour give them away. They're so predictable,
and can't help themselves. Attack and offense are their weapons
as is a consistent pattern of intolerance,
irrationality and lack of logic.
They make sense of the world by simplifying its complexity. Of course
their personalities and feelings develop in, and are shaped by, their
social context.