Severin challenged me on a different thread to discuss male bullying. She made the point that males on this site discuss bullying of males by females but not often bullying by other males. I've been pondering the request/challenge and my own experiences. It could be a useful discussion, but I don't want to take it up on the thread where the challenge was issues.

Antiseptic recently recounted some overall impressions of his time in a boarding school, I'm hoping that he can contribute to this thread. I'm also hoping that those who choose to share their experiences won't be subjected to sarcastic comments which misrepresent what's been shared for the sake of cheap points scoring.

I suspect that my own experiences of being bullied are very different to the stereotypes. I was always tall for my age so generally I did not experience bullying from peers who were bigger. Those experiences I recall came from smaller people who seemed to gain some peer approval from hitting the bigger guy. They could generally hit me with some safety knowing that if I defended myself it would be assumed that I was the aggressor because I was bigger and they were also fairly safe because I was not much into fighting.

As an adult bullying by other males has been very rare. Generally I get more choice about who I spend time with than as a child and as an adult I have the option of calling the police if I'm assaulted which I'd never considered as an option as a child or teenager.

As an apprentice I experienced limited amounts of other forms of bullying from older tradesmen but it was never severe. Mostly humor getting out of hand and not as far as I could tell with any intent to harm.

I've seen the odd boss be a bully but nothing severe and not where I've been the target, female friends dealing with female bosses have reported far more personal bullying than anything I've seen happening to male colleagues.

R0bert

I am afraid RObert while I believe it is wrong it is in our nature and happens far too often.
Like pups playing or young bulls fighting it appears males do find fun in picking on the weakest link.
Ganging up Even and going well past good behavior both in childhood youth and some continue into adult hood.
All in good fun some claim.
But it seems instinct action for most.
Others can tell us why we bring this from our evolution but I can tell of dreadful pain bought to both sides by these actions.
Job loss, even in extremes loss of life as adults do things they would be upset if their children did.
Bullying, from any sex is a weakness and one we should not allow.

Belly I've heard some terrible stories of bullying and wondered what it must be like for someone where it plays a major part in their day to day life. My own experiences have been relatively mild but I know that's not the case for all.

I can only recall one instance of a serious bashing where as a young grade eight kid newly arrived at boarding school a rather small grade twelve boy got a couple of mates to hold me while he laid into me. He seemed to object to having a grade eight boy taller than he was. In his case the physical assault was a one off and I don't recall much other trouble with him.

The thing that seemed most troubling about bullying in the period I was growing up was that for the most part teachers turned appeared to turn a blind eye to it.

As a note to all I'd rather this thread be used for the topic of male bullying of males rather than turn it into a gender war. There is scope for someone to start a thread about female bullying of females and plenty of threads have already included discussion of cross gender bullying.

R0bert

R0bert

Many thanks for starting this topic.

<<< The thing that seemed most troubling about bullying in the period I was growing up was that for the most part teachers turned appeared to turn a blind eye to it. >>>

As a female bullied by females I can agree that teachers frequently are myopic when faced with bullying. When forced to take action often both participants (bully and victim) are punished. Which does nothing to help the victim's sense of self and often reinforces the bullying behaviour. I was never bullied by males at school - teased occasionally but that is all. I do not wish to divert the topic any further than that.

We often hear instances of "hazing" in the military and at single-sex boarding schools. Here is an opportunity to talk about personal experience in the safety of anonymity.

Belly, you are always a gutsy trooper, when do you think a bit of teasing turns to intimidation? And why?

Severin "When forced to take action often both participants (bully and victim) are punished."

My experience was more often that I was punished but not those who had been repeatedly assaulting me. I was bigger therefore according to the stereotypes it must have been my fault. I recall very clearly one incident when after being caned I was asked why I was fighting a smaller child. When I explained what had been going on over a long period (some months of this particular kid punching me then running off much to the delight of his buddies and my embarrassment plus a regularly sore chin). I'd been caned for fighting back once, he got a short talk for repeated assaults.

R0bert

At school once I stuck up for a weaker kid who was getting bullied by a couple of "toughs". When at the train station going home that afternoon, one of them grabbed me from behind while the other threw a couple of punches. Nothing serious but it was designed to reinforce their "dominance" of the situation.

I agree with the comments about teachers. In my experience, they were hopeless at dealing with the problem. Unless it was an issue where they could "get a win", they would do nothing. I remember a young, female Chinese teacher who was on the duty roster to look after the bus queue, getting a lot of over-enthusiastic racist put-downs. Nothing was ever done about that either. I doubt if it was even reported.

The worst employer of all in respect of bullying is the Public Service. All care and no responsibility should be their motto. Because that's all they deliver: soothing words in policies that have absolutely no bite, because to do something would mean dumping on their own peers. Can't have that, just think about the lack of career opportunities later on.

At work, the bullying is much more subtle. It takes the form of being given the cold shoulder or passive aggressive behaviour when they want you to do something. There's two ways of dealing with this. Smash into it head-on and tell the perp what they're doing and that you're onto them. Or give it back to them in exactly the same way they dished it out, with interest. I've found that people who have attacked me at work with a more than moderate degree of commitment have come off second best, while others have modified their behaviour after blunting their weapon on a rock presumably.

Overall, to solve the bullying problem means to understand what you are dealing with. As bullies get their rocks off picking on people that can't fight back, there's ultimately only one way to deal with them. Mobilise the rest of society to get off its lazy arse and take the spear out of their hand.