While sexual abuse doesn’t cause a homosexual orientation, I have no doubt that gay and pre-gay boys are far more likely to experience sexual abuse than other boys. The reason for this is that sexual abusers, who are mostly male, tend to choose vulnerable targets, and a child trying to make sense of his early homoerotic feelings is extremely vulnerable, particularly if he senses a deep mismatch between his emerging feelings and what are the norms of the family and society he’s growing up in. To such a child, sexual abuse can feel like a type of validation of his sexuality and can superficially feel like a kind of love. For older boys in the “sex industry” this validation actually takes on a tangible monetary value. Paedophiles understand this dynamic extremely well (sometimes learning it from their own childhood experience), and exploit it to the hilt in the process of grooming victims.

For gay kids, sexual abuse can be particularly devastating to sexual development, because in a homophobic society where there are few visible models of healthy sexual development for gays, an abusive relationship can seem like the best there is on offer. A society that tells kids that their most profound feelings are sick or sinful and that they have no chance of happiness unless they undergo an impossible transformation loses moral credibility when a child or young person is trying to sort out his own boundaries and values. My own experience is that I had to go back to first principles in sorting out my own values and beliefs: what is genuinely abusive in sexual behavior, and what is not?

Continued below

As for the question of gay “marriage”, my partner and I are divided on that, in part from our different experiences of each of our parents’ marriages. I wonder if given the historical meanings attached to traditional marriage it’s a model that can work for many same sex couples. But I can certainly see the value of some kind of formal recognition of gay relationships, if only to give a lot of lonely and isolated gay kids a sense that there is a place for them in society.

Snout,

Thank you for your posts ..

I tend to stand by my assertion that childhood molestation does influence sexual orientation in a small..but that is only my opinion I guess.

I hope that you and your patner find a workeable option for your dliemma regarding your civil marriage..maybe thats not quite correct, if so, I stand corrected..

Snout I do not want to sound rude ...but I will put in another post today and answer you more comprehensively.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage

snout and holyshadow - thanks to both of you for sharing the stuff that has been shared recently. It is touching and important stuff.

snout the point about abusers targetting kids who are already vunerable is a particularly important one which I'd not considered in that context before.

R0bert

Snout, you’re bloody amazing.

I tend to dip in and out of OLO, but for some months now your measured and thoughtful contributions have been one of the main things that bring me back. I sincerely admire the way you are able to engage the bigots around here, and gently challenge their views, and I regularly find myself wishing for some of your cool-headed persistence.

On the same-sex marriage question, Alastair Nicholson’s OLO piece http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=4541 and Tim Dick’s article in the Sydney Morning Herald last January http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/marriage-same-sex-same-difference/2006/01/13/1137118970554.html
together amount to the best answer I’ve ever seen.

If you’re looking for a hefty read, you might try John Boswell’s “Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality” http://www.amazon.com/Christianity-Social-Tolerance-Homosexuality-Fourteenth/dp/0226067114 His discussion of the unique features of anti-gay intolerance sheds some light on your view of homosexuals as the last minority target http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=267#4898 Specifically, the fact that gays are a dispersed minority, and that the difference typically doesn’t become apparent until adulthood means that where intolerance exists, historically it has been extremely difficult to mount any resistance.

Snout,
wonderfully sensitive and interesting posts, thanks. I second the praise ‘w’ gives you.
“I wonder if given the historical meanings attached to traditional marriage it’s a model that can work for many same sex couples.”
I believe it can work- traditions can and do change, although usually not radically Then a new history can develop. Look, for example, at the traditional role models- since the late fifties a lot has changed for women.
Same sex marriage already does work in some countries.
However, I do believe, as I’ve said somewhere in a previous post, that the whole concept of ‘marriage’, including the definition, is due for an update.

Holyshadow,
How did you come to the conclusion that childhood molestation influences sexual orientation?
As far as I know, religious conservatives claim that homosexuality is caused by the environment, such as child (sexual) abuse or bad parenting, without scientific proof. This allows them to shift ‘the blame’ from God to the abuser, or to the parents.

I agree with Snout that homosexuality is a natural sexual orientation.
The view that indicates that homosexuality is caused by genetics is based on scientific research which I find more reliable than the grounds of conservative religious beliefs.

I find the conservative religious view quite dangerous and oppose it because saying that homosexuality is influenced or caused by the environment is like saying that there’s something wrong with homosexuality; that it is evil, abnormal, a disorder and therefore should be cured.

Even the conservative religious need to start looking at science and realise that homosexual people do not need or want ‘cures’ to become ‘normal’- their sexual orientation is perfectly acceptable, normal and natural already.
There has been too much messing around with gays to find them the ‘right’ kind of therapy- from exorcism of evil demons, to modern therapy and (hormone) injections.

It’s the homophobes, not the homosexuals who could do with some therapy.

W,
thanks for all those links; I will definitely visit them soon when I have more time to read over the weekend.