Yabby: << CJ, I think you are contradicting yourself here. Go and read your own post about your wife's lack of sexuality and why you suspect her relationships since have broken down. >>

Actually Yabby, if you read what I wrote, I'm not contradicting myself at all. I joined the discussion because it rang a chord with one aspect of my personal experience. The marriage didn't end because of my ex's loss of libido - rather it ended because we had ceased to communicate to the extent that we couldn't/didn't talk about it (or anything much else about intimate aspects of our relationship, in retrospect).

The sex - or rather lack thereof - was symptomatic rather than causal, but it was also the catalyst for ending the marriage, which is why I have wondered at times whether I should have just started to pay for sex discreetly. Of course, as I've said, I'm ultimately glad that the marriage ended.

I just shouldn't have been married to that woman, lovely that she is. The kind of marriage/relationship she seems to want is not what I want - nor, it seems, does anybody else.

Of course I agree that there are some selfish, sexually manipulative women out there - I've known more than one quite well indeed. But I think men who characterise the majority of women as such ultimately miss out on what they have to offer, if treated as true equals.

I know it's posssible because of the wonderful partnership I've had with my lover and best friend for over seven years now.

"The marriage didn't end because of my ex's loss of libido"

Come on CJ, be honest. It left you frustrated and angry at times?
No sex, no talking about it. You had few options. Well you are
simply not alone, other men have experienced the same, which
is what Bettina Arndt has highlighted.

http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/allmenareliars/archives/2009/03/the_sexless_marriage.html

Examinator, you put the female case very well, you are certainly
not a typical male. That is quite possible, genes vary. I once
had an American girlfriend with a male kind of attitude to sex.
Whew, what fun :) Just a shame that she had no intentions of
living in Australia.

If you are simply seeking companionship, no need to get married
at all. They call it friendship. Some just buy a dog lol.

I remind you that what we call marriage evolved from pairbonding,
which is common in nature in species where the offspring require
a large amount of resources. Gibbons, foxes, lots of bird species
are involved and its genetic. All those feelings of "infatuation"
happen for a good reason. Have you never heard women talk of
"chemistry" ?

*It has been demonstrated several times both anthropologically and psychologically that nurture is the dominant part of attitudes (60% depending on many fators).*

Err not so, that is still highly disputed amongst the scientific
community and the figures are still fuzzy. We know lots from
twin studies. What we do know is that a good dose of testosterone
affects behaviour. Now having sleepless nights because of an
erection might not be part of your genetic makeup, but I assure
you that it is for lots of guys. Don't assume that you represent
the common male out there, for clearly you don't.

Pericles, I understand your post re’ out of context, and having carefully re-read the posts, I still think I was responding to your intent, certainly to your words, and not out of context, so I leave it to you, or others, to decide for themselves.
As I see it, we are both offering our thoughts and opinions, exactly what this site is for, and anything you or I have to say is as valid or relevant as any other person’s’ posts, even the unintelligible ones..
There is no right or wrong here, just opinions, surely?
I disagree with you on Nurt’. V Nat’., and since such “studies” are largely statistics, and hence un-reliable, I put limited faith in them, I prefer hard science. Knowledge is always being superseded by new knowledge, it grows, no-one should need reminding of that.
I have faith that over time and other threads you and I will achieve better communication levels, and look forward to that. This place is sure challenging, it would be utterly boring if we all agreed, hence I cry……”Ah hah, have at Ye, Sirrah”! &-}

Eh?

Where did this come from, Maximillion?

>>Pericles, I understand your post re’ out of context, and having carefully re-read the posts, I still think I was responding to your intent, certainly to your words, and not out of context, so I leave it to you, or others, to decide for themselves. As I see it, we are both offering our thoughts and opinions, exactly what this site is for, and anything you or I have to say is as valid or relevant as any other person’s’ posts, even the unintelligible ones.. There is no right or wrong here, just opinions, surely? <<

Too subtle for me. I've re-read my post, and it still doesn't make sense.

For what has been, historically described as a victimless crime - and hence decriminalised, this thread sure does identify alot of wannabe "victims".

Speaking personally, as someone who has never sought the services of a hooker - I just paid through the marriage process (most expensive rates) and these days the occassional dinner (although I found the last lady to bed me / I bedded, recently, exercised due courtesy and we split the bill).

I find the whole issue too complex for anyone to attempt to play the blame game.

I certainly question the right of any woman to complain about a dilitant husband if she has ever decided to feign a headache or ever used the unilateral withdraw of sexual favours as a marital weapon or declared "missionary position or nothing".

Maybe we should open another thread... 'Why I am entitled to declare myself a "victim"'

Dear Yabby,

You're right about one thing - examinator
is a very unique male!

And, as I've said in a previous post - he's
wife is a lucky female.

Why are you assuming that sex is not important
to him though? I can't help wondering ...
Because, that's not what he said - at least
that's not how I understood what he said, and
I'm sure that there are other posters out there
who understood his meaning - in the way that I
did.

The point that examinator was making was that
sex is part of a relationship - but NOT what
the entire relationship is all about. And you
infer that he as a male - is an exception to
this way of thinking?

Yabby, CJ is right! You need to get out more
often into the real world of the 21st Century
and find out that men and women have more
then just sex going for them in healthy
relationships... And I mean that in the best
possible way - you're just being simply very
blinkered in your outlook.

Think with your brain, not your rear end :)