Robert and Antiseptic,

Yes, keep on plugging but, as I have mentioned before, don't forget the grass-roots approach. Pollies and administrators, for the reasons you have outlined, are not often receptive. The way to make them receptive is to make the issue an issue!

When I first realised how the problems of mental health, young men's suicide, homeless youth and domestic violence were entwined my first port of call, after the dismissive pollies, was the local service clubs. These people meet regularly and their members include people who are influential in the community.They pay large amounts to professional speakers so anyone who offers to talk to the simply for the price of a free meal (they always meet over dinner, lunch or breakfast) is welcomed.

At the same time I dug out from the local paper the community welfare groups, who are mainly voluntary organisations or exist on pitifully minimal grants. Thus they also have no axes to grind or agenda other than genuinely wanting to help the community. They also are incredibly receptive and have lots of valuable connections. Searching for these groups also brought to my attention private groups, often with very small membership, but lot of enthusiasm. They, too, were incredibly receptive. I also went around to schools but I realise, not knowing what field you work in, that daytime committments might not be possible for you.

As you will know, Rotary made Mental Health an ongoing and huge campaign for two years and many changes were thus brought about. Male suicide was eventually brought into the spotlight and much incredible work has been done in that direction. DV? well, that's where more work, as you point out, is needed.

Of course I am not implying that my efforts brought about these changes. But what I am illustrating is that there are more ways than one to skin the proverbial cat. Above all, don't get disheartened by seeming lack of recognition. Just keep in there plugging.

Romany and Fractelle, I'm not sure if you've looked in yet but if you have not done so can I suggest a browse of the "Shared Parenting Best Interests?" thread. http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=2217

It's not adult DV but the sentiments and approach bear striking similarities to my experience of dealing with those immersed in the current DV paradime when you suggest they have another look.

You might take note of the comments directed at Celivia at http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?discussion=2217#47925 for daring to suggest that child abuse is not just a male thing and think about the Celivia you know and how credible that claim is?

I posted a link to some summary info from the Child Protection Clearing House (a government resource) early in the discussion which has been completely ignored. I'm intending to stay out of that thread now unless there is a dramatic shift in direction (for the better) and am hoping that Antiseptic does so as well, it makes the gender hatred all that much clearer.

R0bert

Romany,
Beautifully said and inspiring, too, that one doesn’t have to be brave to be able to survive DV. I love your suggestions to RObert and Antiseptic, too.
I’ve had positive experiences with the Neighbourhood center- nothing to do with DV but they were willing to let me organise an animal welfare information morning and I’m sure that Neighbourhood centers would OK anything that benefits the community.
They actually love people coming to their fortnightly meetings and I’m sure anyone would be very welcome to make suggestions, but just talking to the manager may be enough. Perhaps a place to just spread the word around, tell stories, share info etc.

Antiseptic,
I agree that with the others that your campaign ideas are great. Something new would indeed be very interesting and more educational.
I have to admit that I don’t know a lot about that Duluth model, I just used that site for the definitions. I might look into it in more detail during the weekend. Is there an alternative model?
Excuse my ignorance, I haven't had a great deal of time to do research.

Fractelle,
Wonderful post! Thank you for sharing your experiences. Like Romany said, it’s good for everyone to tell his or her own stories.
I know that many, many women never talk about, let alone report their abuse.
And it’s true that women have had to struggle for everything they have, it was a long and hard effort to get attention on the DV issue also. The society then was much more male-dominated than it is now, it must’ve been such a challenge.

RObert,
Yeah I will keep an occasional eye on that Child abuse thread. I won’t even bother defending myself from Anonymum’s insult.
She is correct that I don’t have much knowledge about family court etc, but so what, even a blind bat can see that they have a very biased agenda.

continued

I feel more relaxed now than when I started this debate.
There have been too many posts by the anti-feminist brigade on OLO generally that it’s hard not to keep my guard up when topics like this come up.

I don’t normally contribute to the ‘battle of the sexes’ threads; the things that are said can be quite hurtful. It’s quite hard to see the things attacked that women have achieved, as if they didn't have to work really hard to get recognition e.g. of DV.

It simply can’t be denied that women are the victims (and survivors!) of far more serious physical DV than men, and that DV is a separate issue from general violence. I do feel protective of that stance.

But with this being protected, as I said, I have no issue with sharing DV campaign or funding proportionally.

I like your idea about knowing the percentages of levels of DV and I guess it relates to what I said about proportion.
But it must be difficult to collect reliable statistics of DV because especially the lower-level DV is often a taboo, or not even recognized as DV.
That’s probably why more educational campaigns like Antiseptic suggested are needed.

I understand that you need to remain anonymous?
Is there any possibility to do something ‘behind the scenes’ and let others do the face-to-face meetings or do other things that you don’t feel comfortable with?
You’ve so much experience and knowledge about this issue that it would be quite a waste of skills and talent if you didn’t use it.

But for now, let’s celebrate; you’re already doing something… because you’re discussing it here. And to be honest, I think it has turned into quite a fruitful discussion.
Let’s drink to that, CHEERS!

Robert,

I did go and look at the thread you suggested but could not actually make up my mind about it - and certainly could not cope, just at the moment, with going into the ins and outs of this subject.

I did however, find the link about Father's group interesting reading. Now before you make an outraged response, let me say WHY I found it interesting. It's because for a long time I have gone onto men's sites suggested by the likes of some of our most strident anti-fems and been shocked and sickened(literally: a couple of times I actually retched!) by some of the things I've found there - even threats of the "Unless you women change your ways we men will have to teach you a lesson" - and worse - type.

But I think the article (it's very long and takes a long time to read ) was very useful in clarifying the distinction between benign men's groups and Men's Rights groups. I think that's important. Just as feminism became stereotyped as a collection of shrill-voiced man-haters, so men's groups are in danger of becoming stereotyped as the "I've-been-done-wrong-and-now-all-women-are-gunna-pay" variety.

I also found a way out of the "top-end"/"bottom-end" violence nomenclature. Yes, DV campaigns need an overhaul such as Antiseptic suggested. But lets get right away from the label "DV" for the kind of violence Fractelle and I and Anansi's patients endured: - that's "battering". A battered woman is a far cry from a person who has been yelled at in a mutual argument: the distinction is clear and unequivocal.

The whole section concerning battered women spoke volumes to me: it described my ex in every detail. Antiseptic's idea for preventing and combatting DV would further the distinction and would not allow all kinds of behaviour to be blanketed confusingly and unfairly within the DV label as it is currently.

What do you guys think?

ps Robert? I don't think there's anyone else here but us chickens so may I just say something without embarrassment being caused? : - "paradigm" is spelled with a "g".

Hello Everyone

I very much agree with everything everyone has written - that must be a first.

I have just made a quick post on the "Shared Custody" thread asking that they check here. I too feel unable to continue debating this topic elsewhere.

I agree with Romany that we must be as vigilant against extreme men's groups as with female separatist groups. They both feed on pain and are more about power than actually helping adults and their children. I also thought that Romany's 'grassroots' advice superb.

As for plugging on, I will reveal that part of my government work was a stint in a Minister's Office. Petitions, perseverance and positive attitudes do work and, as they say in that ad, "It won't happen overnight" ... but it will be considered. Yes, they do try to sideline you, BUT remember the adage that one letter is considered the equivalent (if memory serves me) of 15 phone calls and way less stressful.

If you do make phone calls in which you feel treated unfairly, note the exact time and date (most calls are recorded) - keep a diary. This information may be included in a formal letter.