Dear Antiseptic,

We can only speak from our own experiences.
And yours are obviously very different
from mine.
Therefore your perception of things is
also very different from mine.

That doesn't make either one of us right
or wrong.
Just different.

If I only could, I would remove all the pebbles
out of your live's path.

I wish you well.

'Fraid I still don't quite grasp the key issues here. One more try and I'll leave you in peace.

>>the basic family unit of 2 parents and their offspring is being rejected by what seems to be an increasing number of men to the mutual detriment of...

[1] ...themselves<<

I'm pretty sure that any "detriment" here would be a very personal and individual one. Certainly, you cannot claim that every family breakdown is "detrimental" to the man. Could just as easily be the ones that are left. Or indeed, none, if the separation is handled intelligently.

>> [2] ... the women they choose not to live with<<

Same applies. You cannot generalize from the particular. They may indeed be far better off without the guy, especially (but not exclusively) if he had been abusive.

>> [3] ... the children they don't father<<

It may surprise you to know that there are some extremely well-balanced offspring of divorced parents around.

But the more I go back over the thread, the more I suspect this isn't actually about the ideology as such, but about individual experiences.

So it would probably be polite of me to simply tiptoe away.

Good luck.

Foxy, the blokes on Farmer wants a Wife, are genuine farmers and at least some of them in quite significant ways. I say that as I know of 2 of the blokes from the last series (went to school with one, and the other an ex-boyfriend of a friend), and one from the coming series (son of an old school teacher). All are involved with farms of several thousand acres, and make a fulltime living from the occupation.

Country men seem to still have different agenda's to city men, particularly farmers. Most farms are stil family-run affairs, and in some cases have been in the family for generations. Woe-betide the farmer who ends it because he has no offspring of his own! Hence the need to marry. On the other hand it is often more difficult to attract a wife (might not be so hard to find a girl-friend), because she takes on not just a husband and marriage, but a business and usually inlaws that live within a few hundred metres (or at least on the same property). That's enough to test the strongest resolve!

Dear Country Gal,

Thank you for providing the extra information.

I greatly appreciate it.

I think that, as I stated earlier, this thread is
about issues that people have to deal with,
based on their own experiences.
I can understand what Antiseptic and others
are saying. But I guess I can't fully appreciate
it, because I haven't gone through what they have.

So, like Pericles, I too should just
"Tip-toe away."

Country Gal, you make some very valid points. Family feuds and who
controls the cheque book, create all sorts of problems in some farming
families and it would not be easy for a woman to have to deal with
all that, depending on the set up. Things are changing however.
Many young guys are now telling dad to stick the farm, they can do
far better going mining, so many parents have had to become
sensible about handover, or they land up running the place without
the kids.

What I also accept is that farm life and country living are something
that one either hates or loves. Some people, who have known nothing
but city life, simply can't adjust and are miserable. They in fact
miss the hussle and bussle, the noise, the shopping facilities etc.

So the failure rate of farmers marrying city girls is pretty high.
In my area, there are a whole string of city girls who married
farmers, had a few kids, then when the kids were a bit older, they
headed back to the city. Those farmers now commute every weekend,
to see their families. Its either that or give up on the farm
or marriage, which could cost them half the farm.

In my own case, I landed up getting divorced for that very reason.
I actually got on splendily with my partner, but she was miserable
in the country, that was just her nature, not her fault. I on the
other hand, could not think of living in cities again, I would be
dead miserable. So we split on extremely amicable terms, simply
because we wanted different things in life.

The thing is, country living is for those who love it, you can't
force it. A few take to it like a duck to water, many don't.

Even if the relationship is great, down the track there will be
tears, if both arn't happy in their surroundings.

We are a long time dead, so best to live by accentuating the
positive and eliminating the negative.

You are very kind Yabby in the way you talk about your ex-wife and of course you are right - always better to highlight the positive. Sometimes things just don't work out and it is no-ones fault. Maybe we can all vote Yabby for the next farmer wants a wife series. :)

As to antiseptic's original theme, I can see how some men might be put off by marriage for fear of making a bad choice, but is it really that bad? There is a lot of tension and negativity, even on OLO, amongst some men about women, obviously based on personal unhappiness in love. I would hate to think that one bad experience would stop anyone, male or female, from at least being open to a rewarding relationship.

Marriage is a risk for both genders and as for the family law issues my understanding that this has changed under the new laws ie. capping of top end of income paid under child support, new rules on accounting for spousal income, fairer child custody arrangements now often assuming a 50/50 split. Am I wrong on this? I think I read it somewhere but can't remember where.

I don't have personal experience with family law as, like lovely Foxy, I have a 23 year marriage which despite some ups and downs, along the way is an enduring and happy one.