Some great contributions to this debate.

Usual Suspect, I'm going to have to take your whining to task. You sound a lot like my ex.

Puffing up your chest about your great income, working long hours and then resentful about paying when the marriage breaks up. She wasn't grateful enough was she?

Firstly, for a man to be able to earn this income and live in an organized home with children doesn't happen by itself. You should have insisted that she maintain her work and both employed housekeeper, secretary, nanny, etc and paid for day care. That way a separation will occur with only minor hassles.

My ex, who became a medical specialist whilst married to me when I supported him financially and practically in day to day issues, conveniently forgot this when he felt I wasn't being grateful enough later on. Even though at the time he sentimentally stated 'we' had achieved this together.

He made it very difficult for me to continue working after we had a child. Why did I want children if I was going to continue working, selfish, etc. etc.

CountryGal has excellent suggestions for providing for children.

Further to the constant whine from men, for any woman to even think that she has a 'choice' and be a mother as a 'career' choice she needs counselling. At no stage should a woman ever become financially dependant on a man. No matter what he says at the time. Only if she gets an iron clad contract in writing at the time.

If he ever says: 'darling I earn enough, I don't want little Johnny to go to daycare' alarm bells should go off. It is not 'lovely' of him, it is a method of making you dependant.

To every woman who has a man who does the 'I don't get to see my children why should I pay' INSIST on him doing parenting 50/50. It will be rare for her to have anymore silly hassles from him. Believe me most would rather pay.

yvonne,

for a brief period of time I thought I knew you.

As an ex doctor’s wife with those accustomed and clichéd lifestyle expectations, Yvonne is no less embittered than the rest of us. Supported him through medical school and contributed more then him. Surely just another cliché, for I know of no woman that feels she has ever done less.

If only all our young men knew exactly what was expected of them, and what in return they were entitled to expect for themselves ...

Yvonne,

'Puffing up your chest about your great income, working long hours and then resentful about paying when the marriage breaks up. She wasn't grateful enough was she?'

Where the hell do you get this? I've re-read all my posts, and I cant see anywhere I have talked about my income, or that I've even been divorced, which I haven't. You sound very bitter to me. All I have done is attempted to balance out the usual line from Country Gal that women are somehow all forced into looking after the kids in sacrifice of that great career they were planning, while men have their cake and eat it too, as women don't benefit at all by the income their partner earns.

'You should have insisted that she maintain her work and both employed housekeeper, secretary, nanny, etc and paid for day care.'
For a start I've never been divorced, and secondly my partner and I are happy to arrange our work life balance togerther, and neither one of us would 'insist' that the other take on any role.

Believe it or not, some couples decide together how they want to arrange their family life, and are both happy with the arrangement. But you keep on with your line of women the unappreciated down-trodden martyrs of society, tricked into being financially dependant on men.

'Believe me most would rather pay.'
I think this says a lot about your bitterness and opinion of men.

US, I was just starting to think that you might be able to hold a constructive argument, then you go and post that last load of BS. You very obviously havent re-read your posts, as you were not responding to me at all (you were later on, but only as a result of my entering the debate at a much later point). You posted 3rd, and I posted 25th.

The "poor me" is not a usual line from me, but as I mentioned a response to balance up the debate from the bitter men posting early on. Kids have not impeded my career, and I dont employ a housekeeper any any luxury like that either. The problem that I am trying to point out with disparity in income (and perhaps I have not been able to make myself very clear), is that a traditional family model is fine, while-ever the marriage stays together. As soon as there is a seperation (for whatever reason), the vast majority of women will be financiall worse-off and generally in the longer-term. Most women still do suffer career setbacks from child-raising, which impedes on their future income-earning capacity, and ability to support themselves and their children. As I said, it doesnt apply to me at all, but I am able to see the bigger picture.

Country Gal,

'then you go and post that last load of BS. You very obviously havent re-read your posts'

I have. Again. Where have I talked about my income, or that I've even been divorced?

'Most women still do suffer career setbacks from child-raising, which impedes on their future income-earning capacity'

Yes it does, but that's the decision they make. They trade off some possible career progression, while men trade off likelyhood of custody and the family home in divorce. You don't 'balance up the debate ' as you only see the former, not the latter.