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The Forum > General Discussion > Men scared of bad marriages

Men scared of bad marriages

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There was an article published a day or so ago in the Courier-Mail reporting the results of a survey bachelors.

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,23904573-23272,00.html

To quote:""Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," and

"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman. "While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."

I have expressed this opinion before, with some here attempting to ridicule me for holding it. Certainly my own experience is such that I'd never contemplate a relationship resulting in children, although I'm not so sure about a childless union. The reason is very simple and is entirely financial.

Is our society really as badly dysfunctional as the survey seems to indicate?
Posted by Antiseptic, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 7:27:32 AM
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Yes Antiseptic, our society is just like that.

Early following my divorce, meaningful relationships were last thing on my mind. I was preoccupied with my children, and rebuilding my financial independence that my marriage drained, and divorce took away.

While the first couple of years after divorce were somewhat difficult, the rest have been better than at any time before. Iíve had many relationships since, with women at least 5 years younger than myself, with average probably closer to 10. These last as long as we both want them Ė a couple of those have been on and off over a number of years. Whenever any even approach financial arrangements, Iím outta there!
Posted by Seeker, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 9:50:22 AM
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Probably not. I don't see an anti-marriage society as dysfunctional though. My 'partner' (There really has to be a better word than that) and I skipped that bit. I convinced her buying a house together and having children was slightly more binding than reciting words in a church when you're not religious.

I do think men have much more to lose from a relationship breakup, even more so if they begin the relationship with more money.

I also think women's attitudes really haven't changed much since feminism. Regardless of what they earn themselves, women still look to 'marry up', probably because deep down they want to be a stay at home mum. There are loads of articles about the so called 'man drought', but really its just that thousands of SLIMs (Single low income males) are invisible to women.

There is also the quite often well justified view from a lot of guys that a wedding is really just about making the women a princess for a day, and a lot of women are really more interested in the wedding bit they have looked forward to their whole lives, rather than the 'for better or worse' part.

On the other hand I can see a lot of guys in relationships with girls they quite like, but don't want to commit because of that Swedish model that might be just around the corner. That and the fact that everybody knows that married people are old and boring, and that women generally don't want sex once they're married.

Regardless of all this though, there comes a time in a man's life when he finds the 18 year olds he is chasing aren't interested any more, and he sees the thighs getting bigger and breasts droopier of the girls he can attract.

At the same time women decide if they don't get hitched soon it may be too late for babies, so they give up trying to pretend they are powerful and self actualised, and accept they are desperately lonely without a man, so they lower their standards.

Enter the magic of alcohol...
Posted by Usual Suspect, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 10:44:57 AM
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Well, this will probably sound like 'Pollyanna...'
But, - I'm happily married, and wouldn't change a thing.

Sometimes, coming home at the end of the day, I worry that as in a dream it will all have disappeared. I read somewhere that the Aztecs were terrified each night when the sun set that it would not rise again the next morning, they were grateful for each dawn.

And so am I.

I'm grateful for the miracle of my marriage.
Posted by Foxy, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 11:22:42 AM
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Dear Antiseptic....

It's really very simple.

'Small' changes to culture can
and do have a LARGE impact,
far beyond anything anticipated
by the change itself.

As soon as 'personal fun' takes
the place of 'enduring committment',
which is what the 60s and following
gave us, we have many children now
who have to deal with the fact
that those who brought them into the world,
gave up, left each other..and went their ways.

I cannot imagine such a horrible scene..
my parents were 'till death do us part'
and that is what parted them.

I am trying to pass that value
on to my own children.
Society is dragging them
the other way.

Break the Vertical connection (to the Almighty)
Watch the horizontal connections fall apart, and hit the fan and .. you know how it goes.
Posted by BOAZ_David, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 12:06:13 PM
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I have a great relationship as we both live apart, but after 20 years we both consider it has lasted because of just that reason. She has been married twice before and I have been there once. However neither of us want to do all that again, but it has been relatively easy because we have no kids and never could have afforded them, although she once had a still-born. I don't think we have ever been happier because we both got rid of all that religion baggage too and cherish our freedom and independence. It is quite surprising how many people say they envy us.
Posted by snake, Tuesday, 24 June 2008 4:40:50 PM
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