Oh, oh ... can I be a grumpy old man!

You have no idea how much you people have helped me. Thank you one and all for your posts... They've given me so much food for thought. And I'm actually beginning to look at things from a different angle...

When we got married some time ago my wife (with reasonably strong feminist leanings) insisted that she keep her maiden name.

I said I had no issue, and she even went further to say that the girls would have her name and the boys mine. I thought there might be some complications but it really didn't bother me.

A month before the wedding she changed her mind. Having got used to the new idea, and worrying that there might be second change of heart I asked her why.

The answer was simple, as she was sure that it was entirely her choice, and that there was no pressure whatsoever, she chose what was convienient.

The issue is about choice. There is no need to conform to any cultural norm now that the nuclear family is a rarity. You should do what will make you happier. (I do admit that a single name is easier though)

I also have a different surname to my children and have never encountered so much as a raised eyebrow. But one of the things I also want to point out is the issues of divorce. Yes, of course: spit over your left shoulder, knock on wood, cross your fingers and all of the above at even the mention of the word...which does NOT have anything to do with your son and daughter-in-law.

However, in addressing perhaps another reason for married names falling out of favour: - with the best will in the world a person can marry, the children take the family name and then, after a divorce and remarriage, find the kids with different surnames after all: - like Susan's kids.

So, there is never a certitude about the stability of names for most people in any case. Like Botheration, changing names is not an issue amongst most of my friends...but those who, tragically, do end up divorced, are glad no name changes are involved.

Democritus, you have to admit, the "choice" is always the woman's though. How long and hard did you think about changing your name to hers? I'm not suggesting you were anything other than a loving, free-thinking husband, but I think it's worth noting that this is an issue women are forced to address, while men generally keep their own names without any internal quandry.

Well, my son and his fiancee have decided they will have a double-barrelled name after all. She will take his if he takes hers.
And he's agreed, so they will link the two together.

I've got to admit I always thought double-barrelled names were a bit, well you know...

Anyway, it's their decision. So there you have it.