It took my lady & I 28 years to get round to getting married, but when we started to producing offspring, she took my name, for simplicity, & to avoid any future problem for the kids.

My parents changed their name, by deed poll, & having to produce the deed poll, not a copy, with my birth certificate, has been a bloody nuisance all my life.

I have always felt that hyphenated names was an affectation, used by the worst people, & should definately be grounds for divorce. Using a maiden name is so pretentious that the lady is probably better left a maiden, to enjoy it all to her self.

People who are unable to share a name, are unlikely to be able to share a life, at least in any meaningful way.

Foxy, for my two cents worth ... it's a name.

The real issue is how the two of them deal with it - if this is a conflict, what better way to test the boundaries of your relationship than come up with a mutually agreeable decision. After all, isn't that what marriage is about.

As for your feelings or anyone outside of the betrothed, although an important factor, should not influence their ultimate decision. Hopefully they can achieve a suitable resolution and lay strong foundations for a successful marriage.

(Though I hope my son keeps his name!)

I've read all of the posts - Thank-You for your comments and advice.
Of course it is up to my son and his fiancee to work out. And I'm not going to interfere. But privately I'm still hoping that sometime down the track...she's going to want to add my son's name to hers.

I've tried to analyze why I feel the way I do. I suppose that it could be - because of our background. Our families lost so much as a result of the second World War. My husband's family and my own had such a struggle. They were demeaned in so many ways, yet they still refused to change or give up their surnames. It gave them a strong sense of identity.

I know that this is emotional baggage for me - and although it's my baggage - I should not pass it on to my son. I know that. And eventually of course I will accept their decision.

Stress is the biggest thing that gets in the way of our modern day lives. Its up to you "THE WOMAN" to pick the right man. You must take five years to know your man before you even think about marring him. As for your name! WELL! If you make your bed, you will just have to lay in it. Don't say I didn't warn you.
All you need is love!
The name you make for your family will be of your own hard work. If you want to fail! You will

Wow evolution ... that's a pretty amazing statement - 5 years pre marriage. I was engaged after 5 weeks, married after a year and now rapidly moving towards our first decade's anniversary.

I'm not sure living or being together any amount of time assists in better preparing you for marriage, children and the whole life time commitment. I've seen relationships dissolve after being together for years, then finally marrying.

Marriage is a different state of being together - it's a sense of belonging, as well as acceptance - it's not fleeting like a relationship where you can walk anytime, it's a lifelong commitment ... though I fear this is where many people miss the point.

Foxy wrote: "Our families lost so much as a result of the second World War. My husband's family and my own had such a struggle. They were demeaned in so many ways, yet they still refused to change or give up their surnames. It gave them a strong sense of identity."

I find this confusing Foxy. Isn't this an argument for keeping one's name? Like your family, your future daughter-in-law is refusing to change or give up her surname.

Is there a part of you that thinks that her identity, her family, is somehow less valuable than hers? If so, maybe it would help to talk to her about her heritage. (Or her parents, if you spend time with them.) You might find stories there that you weren't expecting.