Dear Botheration,

You always credit me with 'commonsense.' Well, in this case you've made a very valid point and I'm rather ashamed of myself. Of-course your right. I am only seeing things from my side of the fence...

Hi everyone,
As I recently got married just a few weeks ago I thought I would tell you of my experience. I was originally married more than 25 years ago and at that stage I assumed my husband's name. When I divorced I "reclaimed" my birthright. Frankly it was a great deal of hassle and took quite a few months to change everything, but the feeling it gave me was fantastic. I was me once more. It may have been mere symbolism, but it was important.
My children have kept their father's name. And now I have remarried. I decided to stick with my maiden name because of the bother of changing it again; the fact I was known professionally by my maiden name; and, to be honest, I couldn't really see it serving a useful purpose as we are too old for more children!
My new husband had/has no objections, although I think it may have been interesting if he had! I think we would have reached an impasse as I feel very strongly that my name is part of my identity and I don't wish to give it away.
Susan Prior (editor of On Line Opinion)

Congratulations Susan on your "re-marriage".

I would ask though, how do you feel about your children maintaining their fathers name? Have any of them expressed an interest in taking your maiden name?

My father reverted to his mothers maiden name after falling out with the family ... history to us now, though my wife suggested we revert back to the original. (All too difficult to be honest).

It is an interesting question. They have asked about it but I have said to them that their name is theirs as my birth name was mine. I suggested that if they wish to change it they leave it until they are older and think about it again at that stage. Frankly I don't mind either way. Although a complicating factor for both of them is that both my daughters are adopted and also they rarely see their father: they feel little connection to him (his choice I add hastily before all of you accuse me of preventing him seeing them!). I suspect that they will stick with their adopted father's name and probably keep it after they marry, if they do.

Funnily enough, my parents went through quite the crisis in surname when they got married and had a solution I've not heard other families adopt.

When their parents were bickering about the situation, they simply picked a new one out of the phonebook, and changed both their names.

So I'm only the second generation in our family which has this surname. I quite like it, seeing as it's better than either of the other surnames I'd have had.

So there's always that option...

Foxy, I wouldn't want you to feel ashamed for a minute! I think it was an excellent idea to bring it up, given it was worrying you, and I'm sorry if I sounded condescending, which I most certainly don't feel. The variety of responses show there's no hard and fast rules. Besides, it's also just a generational thing. As I said before, only one of my married contemporaries changed her name, so it's really just shifting fashion.

Names are personal and heavy with meaning, so for that reason any discussion around names can be emotional. It's a good disussion.

I'm just surprised none of the grumpy old men around here have found it yet.