Seeker,

did you consider complaining to the moderators about Donald Blake?

His comments were at least slanderous.

Cass,

have you ever read "The Morning After" Katie Rophie, or "Heterophobia" Daphne Patai ?

Typically advocacy researchers operate from the position of the female victim and the male perpetrator.

it is unfortunately not politically correct to explore issues where women are the perpetrators. For example women (some, maybe all) will use sexual coercion to get what they want, either by withholding sex or giving sex.

Now the hordes of Greer with descend on me and accuse me of being a heretic and try an make me feel bad about writing this.

The truth is human behaviour is extremely complicated.

If you are really a fair dickum researcher/psychologist/sociologist then you would explore both issues of sexual coercion and not just the one that sits within your comfort zone.

However if you are uni student then expect a D- if you step outside the boundaries of political correctness.

Two other books of interest are

"the Manipulated Man" Esther Villar
"The Rantings of a Single Male" Thomas Ellis.

Ellis's book contains details how his girl friend Petra would reward him with sex when he agreed with her and withhold sex when he didn't agree with her.

Casstastrophe,

the concept of 'coercion' is a very subtle, slippery and incredibly pervasive phenomenon in all types of human interaction.

Coercion is anything short of outright physical force. It appeals essentially to the mind of the party being coerced. To that extent the coerced person essentially sanctions the power exercised over them, by submitting. So, if someone appeals to my emotions as a way of manipulating (coercing) me to act against my volition, then l have fundamentally sanctioned their power. For their apparent power relies on my mental submission. In fact, this type of power is a very, er, powerful illusion.

The minute l REFUSE to sanction their manipulation of me, they are infact, powerless.

Thus, when a loved one use's emotional, pshychological, logical trickery on me to do something l dont wanna do, l have handed them the whip that they thrash me with. In fact, l have given them the whip, that they hand me with, to whip myself.

This type of coersive force is rampant in the world. People play eqach other all the time and do not fundamentally take resposibility. The issue of unaccountability is why the whole thing decends into a blame game. It goes to a fundamental lack of maturity.

As to sexual coercion, or any form of coercion for that matter... setting the terms of engagement, unilaterally, can be a form of subtle coercion. Defining what, when, how, in a vacuum, is coercive. It denies the other persons needs, wants, preferences. Therefore, with holding, or unilateral rule making, or 'tit-for-tat' trade-offs, of sex, finances, affection, contact and so on are all coercive in nature. In a reverse psychology sort of a way.

All of which is underpinned by insecurity, vanity, ego, lack of respect, poor communication and incompatibility. Effectively all the things that make two people unsuited to each other.

In a relationship, fundamentally defined by sexual union, compatibility of sexual appetite is critical. People need to sort this stuff out BEFORE getting hitched.