Kathryn, best wishes for success in all you attempt. Your story tells me you are competent, caring and courageous so more strength to your arm.

Thanks for the story. It is good to hear from someone who refuses to suffer life-long consequences because they were a victim of crime. We often see the idea that children who suffer sexual abuse are scarred for life. Maybe it is the reaction of adults around the 'victim' that contribute the most to 'ongoing suffering'.

Sounds like you're pretty grounded to me. Yep, some people like to label people 'victims' because they're insecure themselves and they need someone to 'stand upon'.

I reckon we've all met people who have metaphorically tattooed the word VICTIM on their foreheads. It's a sad way to live a life, being constantly trapped in yesteryear.

I smiled in recognition at your description of the ploys various psychological 'boys' use in the dating game and basically they're power plays. Lovers and friends don't act like that.

You'll meet various mutations of that sort of immaturity and dysfunctionality as you move up the corporate ladder - if that's what you want to do - but I think you've already 'sussed' them out.

You sound like no ones fool. Best wishes.

Kathryn

You should think about becoming a writer.

IM SORRY YOUR FAIMLY MEMBER DID THIS AND YOU CAN HANDLE WHAT HAPPEND , ONLY IF IT WAS SO EASY , PEOPLE DO NOT SEEM TO UNDER STAND THAT WHEN I PLACE MY STORY OUT THEIR IT IS TO GET US VICTIMS HELP AND THE TRUTH FROM THE GOVERMENT OF WHAT WE SUFFERED , AS CHILDREN WHILE WE WERE IN THE HANDS OF THE STATE . I WAS IN THIS BOYS HOME FROM DOING WRONG BY THE LAW . YES PUNISH ME , BUT I WAS MORE THAN PUNISHED I WAS RAPED AND SODIMISSED BY TWO [2] PEDOPHILES THAT WORKED AT DARUK BOYS HOME WINDSOR NOW TH JOHN MORONEY CORRECTIONAL CENTRE , WAS THIS THE PUNISHMENT THE COURT ORDERED ME TO SUFFER I DON;T THINK SO , IT WAS JUST THAT THE GOVERMENT HAD THESE SICK PEDOPHILES UNDER THEIR NOSES AND DID NOTHING AS THEY EITHER TURNED THEIR BACK OR WERE NOT AWARE OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING KINDS REGARDS MICHEAL BROWN , I HOPE WELL FOR YOU ,AS I DO EVERY DAY PRAY THAT I AM STILL LIVING WHEN I WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING

Kathryn: why would victimhood interest any raped woman? What a belittling statement. Who says being raped shames the person raped? Your, albeit female, perspective shows how entrenched male thinking is on this matter?

I think it comes down to a tendency in people to view others as one dimensional. I include you in here because, for you, the crime recreate's the victim's identity: their victim status becomes their only status. You also see consolers of victims as people incapable of seeing that the sum of a person’s make up is much more than that of victim. You portray victims as the sum of one aspect rather than the sum of many aspects that make up their personhood.

The thing is you and people like you are and have been a victim. In your particular case, you will always be a victim of someone else’s shameful actions. No shame on your part. Being a victim is not a crime. Why should the victim of a rape feel any shame or be shamed?

This thinking which sees the rape victim as being shamed needs to be overturned and seen for the fallacious dregs of a male-dominated society that it is – as does the tendency to foreground this “victim”, or more precisely, the “shamed” aspect in a harmed person’s character. The thinking that casts a rape victim as shamed rather than the perpetrator is just plain wrong. This subtle misogynistic thinking is where the stigma stems from and it needs to be challenged.

Yes the various anti-feminist groups have come out with their excusatory propaganda that seeks to blame the victim and this has resulted, in part, in the stigmatising of rape victims. Thank goodness for feminists who are challenging this boys-club mentality. The long-term “ victim status” attributed to the victims of rape stems from certain men throughout history subtly reinforcing their power over women. The stigma needs to be attached to the rapists and their excusers.

Being a victim should never be anyone's whole identity.