Sometimes falling into victimhood is a result of an inability to cope rather than the victim trying for sympathy, empathy or pushing some agenda. For instance: it may be a way of coping with the fear of facing that very stigma that Kathryn is fighting.

In politics victim status is said to accrue many dividends, such as immunity to criticism - but rape is personal, emotional and undermines faith in others. Every person is different in how they cope and Kathryn’s article may add to the stigma of those who have more difficulty accepting such an injustice –especially if the assailant has escaped prosecution.

Claiming victimhood offers no reward – it is, most likely, simply the result of a victim not coping. I’m not sure why Kathryn is trying to present it as a weakness. The weakness is with the rapist. We must empathise with victims who cannot cope - not further entrench their powerlessness and thus empower lecherous males.

A person who has a crime committed against them is a victim of that particular crime. We mustn't deny this. Tears and emotions are often part of the coping mechanism and grieving for oneself is a sensible and understandable response.

It’s a complex problem and - while I agree that victims must not accept the idea that being raped makes a person a victim whose individual power as a lovable, respected female is forever lost to the perpetrator of a harmful injustice -- the article reminds me of the pull-your-socks-up diatribe pushed onto the mentally ill.

Let’s start by re- adjusting our thinking and cultural mores and start placing the stigma, responsibility and shame totally on the perpetrators of the crime and burying that old macho idea that victim status implies weakness or is just hysterical-girl behaviour. Let’s identify and foreground the actual cause of problems forced onto victims-rather than blaming those victims who cannot cope. Being a victim of rape is not a crime. Not being able to cope very well is not a crime. Let's attack rapists and their apologists who claim victimhood to excuse their shameful behaviour.

WE AS VICTIMS ALL DEAL WITH THIS IN A DIFFRENT WAY DONALD AND LET ME ASURE YOU ,AS FOR BEING A MALE NOW IN MY LATE FORIES , I DOUBT YOU WOULD NOT KNOW WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO HAVE THIS SICK PERVERTED ACTS THAT WERE ENDURED UPON I AND OTHER YOUNG BOYSTHAT WERE AT THIS INSTITUTION DARUK BOYS HOME , JUST TYPE IT IN ON YOUR COMPUTOR AND SEE WHAT TYPE OF HITS YOU GET , ONLY WHAT THE GOVERMENT WANTS THE PUBLIC TO KNOW THIS WAS A RUN ISTITUTION FOR BOYS WICH OPEN IN 1960,AND CLOSED IN 1980, THE ONLY PICTURES ON THE NET ARE THAT OF THOSE IN THE STATE SYDNEY STATE LIBARY OF WHICH I KNOW PERSONALLY THAT I A CHILD RAPED AT THIS BOYS HOME BY THE TWO [2] STAFF MEMBERS THAT WORKED FOR THE STATE OF NEW SOUTH WALES ,HAS EXPOLXED MYSELF IN STAES HISTORY THE BOY IN ONE OF THOSE PHOTOS IS I , AND THE GOVERMENT DOE;S NOT CARE THAT IS WHY IT IS COVERED UP ,, SO WHY DON;T YOU START SPREADING THE DARUK BOYS HOME STORY TO OTHER SIGHTS YOU GO IN TO AS IM NO COMPUTOR WHIZZ OR IT WOULD BE PLASTED EVER WHERE POSSABLE KIND REGARDS MICHEAL BROWN

(AUTHOR’S RESPONSE)
Donald Blake:

I actually agree with you completely. I didn't write the article with the aim of attempting to change the mentality or coping strategies of those of who have had similar experiences to my own.
To the contrary; knowing many such people I find that when I speak to them about societal perceptions, a common theme is that we have often found that the most difficult thing to deal with in later years is the inability to speak about our experiences without feeling like an outsider or making others uncomfortable.
My article is based upon the rationale that if the public become more aware of this, then in turn the victims will gain a greater sense of empowerment by being able to discuss their life events without feeling socially alienated.
I speak of 'victimhood' as a social construction: in that yes, one is a victim of a horrendous crime, and empathy is a must, but that as time passes, we need an ear of understanding- not sympathy- to avoid feeling as though the perpetrator still has a level of control over our emotions.
Never would I suggest that anger, tears or anything else is inappropriate or unwarranted- I have been there, and was there for a very long time. At no point would I attempt to detract from this. Recovery is an extraordinarily long process and unique to each person and for most, comes in waves. I certainly didn’t get to the point of feeling comfortable placing a name and a photo to such an article overnight, but I hope that by doing so, I am offering a degree of insight into an issue with which the public are often too cautious to confront. My intention is that if people feel more comfortable and informed then we (who have exoerienced such crimes) can too.

I hope this offers some clarity.

Regards,
Kathryn Daley

To Micheal, I truly hope that one day you feel some sense of justice, your story is not one that is easily shared and I appreciate that you have. Best wishes, Kat.

In William Ryan’s critique of the "Blaming the victim" ideology he states that such approaches in practice -

"...attributes defect and inadequacy to the malignant nature of poverty, injustice, slum life, and racial difficulties. The stigma that marks the victim and accounts for his victimization as an acquired stigma, a stigma of social, rather than genetic in origin. But the stigma, the defect, the fatal differences - though derived in the past from environmental forces - is still located within the victim...It is a brilliant ideology for justifying a perverse form of social action designed to change, not society, as one might expect, but rather society's victim."

o Ryan, William. Blaming the Victim. Vintage, 1976

It's one thing having been a victim, and suffering any distress or struggle in over coming such an experience. It's quite another to have had no experience but, communicate, to act out the perception of a victim. For the actual victim of crime it is experience not identity. For the other it is identity not experience. We shouldn't confuse the conditions, nor encourage the concept as being justified or equal to the event.

It's interesting that you chose to relate your story here, so soon after the stories that Bernie has related; those victims of abuse being subjected to criticism from some for the 'victim mentality'.

I have to say that like Kevin I have the utmost respect for the way you both have coped and handled your appalling traumas. I have done much the same.

It does not however, reduce the immense compassion I have for those who have not recovered from their abuse. I WISH they could do what we have been able to do. I wish this because to me the abuser continues to abuse by virtue of the memories.

I will NEVER allow that. Neither have you Kathryn; neither has Kevin. We are the lucky ones.

I suspect a lot of the intolerance towards 'victim mentality' is caused by the 'band-wagon' effect. EVERYONE has become a victim; counselling is now offered, and; FAR more importantly is pushed as absolutely necessary for situations that though temporarily traumatic should have no reason to cause an extended period of of emotional damage.

It seems to me that in many situations this is feeding the trauma, rather than alleviating it. Still, I accept that the counselling profession has to make a living......

I KNOW this hinges on where one draws the line. 'One man's trauma is another man's......etc.," But counselling is becoming necessary nowadays for a broken fingernail!

Is this the reason we are less tolerant of those who are unable to transcend some awful experiences as children?

I don't know, but I suspect it is.