pedant, this seems so trivial compared to the other stuff happening here but again "I'm not blaming children for child sexual abuse". I do believe we need to deal with what actually happens (that can be different to blaming). I think it hurts children and increases the risk of abuse to pretend that they never initiate any kind of sexual contact. I have clearly stated that it is the responsibility of the adult to deal with the situation responsibly. I also think victims of crime can be impacted by how a type of crime is treated even if they understand that it is not their fault. So how do we minimise the occurance of child sexual abuse and how do we reduce the impact on children of child sexual abuse? I also think that two 15 year olds exploring sex should not be an issue of crime but rather risk. Not sure how you manage the 15 and 13 year old or the 11 and 15 year old etc situations.

Enaj, thanks for your feedback. Your comment about peodophiles triggered some more thinging. I'm assuming that there are adults with a sexual interest in children who choose not to follow through with it. How do we help them without lessening the social sanctions against people who choose to abuse children?

R0bert

RObert

We now teach our young girls - and boys! never to accept touching without parental permission. Rob - sad , but true.

My husband was a school bus driver back in the late 90s. He learned not to touch our neighbourhood kids - as he usually did at family BBQs. It broke his heart. We were living in Kurrajong NSW at the time. His route encompassed numerous inner and outer western suburbs. He came home distraught on a daily basis.

Because of political correctness and his work agreement - the bottom line was that he could not show any emotion. He stopped driving buses for schoolkids.

We are having a young boy aged 10 years - staying with us over for a week of the Christmas period. The family know us and trust us.

Even so, where we live, there are young children everywhere around the river. My husband's personality has changed - he is scared to be real - as a good man!

Kay

Well, it seems that sexual abuse of children, especially girls, according to all the female posters here, is indeed widespread. How can you argue with that? It must be normal human behaviour. Everybody does it, apparently.

So what happenned to me? How come I missed out?

Nobody told me about this. None of the blokes down at the pub ever talked about it. I've never done it. I'd better start molesting young girls immediately. I don't want people to think I'm peculiar or perverted or anything, just because I don't do sexual things to little girls. And all this time I thought I was a normal man. Now the shocking truth has emerged - I'm sexually deficient!

So I'd better get going folks, I'm off to buy some lollies, maybe I could get to sit next to an unaccompanied child on an airliner, or better still, get a job as Santa - YES! That's it. I've got a lot of catching up to do.

But wait a minute. Maybe the women who post here aren't your usual sample of women. Hmm. I'd better think about it. And I strongly suggest others do too.

Had a thought – checked anomie www.dictionary.com:
1 Social instability caused by erosion of standards and values; and
2. Alienation and purposelessness experienced by a person or a class as a result of a lack of standards, values, or ideals.
Interesting choice of posting alias!

R0bert I didn’t say or even mean to suggest that you personally blame the child, in fact your posts are very clear that you don’t. I was talking about it in a broader sense – that society must stop blaming children. In regard to the “children initiate it” argument I agree that children are not asexual, but we can’t allow pedophiles to say, “but he/she started it!” as an excuse. We need to educate adults that having sex with children in any circumstances is wrong and will result in criminal sanction. If a boy/girl is under 16 and asks you, an adult, for sex you must say no (which all the posters on this thread have apparently been doing and for which they deserve credit).

Kalweb that is terrible. I seriously encourage you to consider making a complaint. How old were your mother’s closest friends sons? How sad for your husband – we should be able to give children hugs but checking with their parents first isn’t a bad idea.

Redneck, in my previous post I said “underage sex”, to clarify I mean sex between an adult and an underage child. Regarding the example of a 14yo “openly living” with a 27yo, I say that it is the legal and moral responsibility of the 27yo to wait until the 14yo is 16 before having sex. I know people who were in a similar situation (15 and 26) and they properly waited until she was 16 to have sex and are now engaged (she is now 19). R0bert brings up a sensible point regarding enforcement, there has to be a line in the sand somewhere. Some groups propose that the age of consent be raised to 18, although this seems rather extreme – you can get married at 16 with court consent.

Maximus, maybe you missed out on being abused as a girl because you’ve never been a girl ;-) and then you say that you should start abusing little girls – well from you wanting everything to be equal for everyone I note that you don’t say you should go out abusing little boys do you? Why not stay the respected (by me at least most of the time) Maximus that you are and please don’t abuse any children at all.

Seriously though, one thing that I hope you note from all the women on this post who have been abused (irrespective of whether they might be a “usual” sample) is that none of them liked it. In fact it was very distressing and I respectfully suggest that your post is a bit cavalier for such a serious topic. Redneck - the only male to report abuse as a child - reports being set upon by girls when ten years old and he didn’t like it. You say that you “missed out” on being abused as a child – I think that is good. I would never wish for any child to be abused. I don’t think it’s normal behaviour, whatever the statistics, and I will always say that it is wrong.

Do you think that homophobia in society might make things even more distressing for boys who are abused by men?

Also, I hope you’re saying, “Maybe the women who post here aren't your usual sample of women”, in the sense that not 100% of women are abused as children, rather than seeking to denigrate said women.

Kay, did you see the article in yesterdays (Saturdays) Courier Mail by Madonna King. She was talking about some of the issues you raised regarding your husbands experience. Worth a read if you have not done so already. It is a raising of the issue rather than an in depth analysis but they have their place to get people thinking.

Pedant, thanks again for clarifying your view in regard to me blaming kids. Maybe I'm a bit touchy about things like that, if so I apologise.

I certainly hope Maximus was talking about statistical representation rather than personality as well, that's the way I read that portion of the post. I also hope that the high rate of incidence of sexual abuse experienced by female posters in this thread is not representative of the general population. I'm guessing that people who have suffered abuse (and to various extents dealt with it) are more likely to get involved in discussions such as this one than those who have not done so. I'm here because I'm fond of having opinions on all sorts of topics and because of the harm done to society (and especially children and single dads) by misrepresentation of child abuse issues. Whilst child sexual abuse is a real and horrific issue impacting on far to many lives I think the climate of fear being generated around it and the isolation of men (and to a lesser extent women) from children is damaging to all of us. That child sexual abuse gets so much of the attention while neglect and and other forms of child abuse get so little public focus is also a concern - as previously stated CSA is about 7% of substantiated abuse and neglect in Qld.

R0bert