Suze

The evidence suggests that the vast majority of DV is over-heated arguments, where both parties cross the line. Sending either participant away for counselling will achieve little if the other participant still wants to resolve disputes in the same disfunctional way. Only family therapy has any chance of success.

George

I think that you will find that police tend to go easy on women. This attitude that blokes need to be kept in line but women are intrinsically good natured has many manifestations.

I am a male who has been offered the assistance of the local police 'Domestic Violence Officer', but also a male who has been refused assistance when I have sought help.

I have been attacked by my wife twice with a large kitchen knife (I managed to disarm her without injury to either of us), and have had to deal with her several times trying to grab the steering wheel of our car whilst driving, trying to force us to have an accident.

My wife has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She is currently receiving worthwhile treatment for that, but it has been a long and hard road. She particularly get violent when she has been drinking heavily.

I have attended part of an anger management course with Relationships Australia, but did not conntinue when I was told that my anger was not the problem. I use the standard methods to avoid violence - including going for a walk just to get out of the house when she gets violent.

We had a seige situation (I was not at home) early last year when the police Public Order Squad (the guys in black with helmets and body armour) broke down our door because she had made certain violent threats, including saying that she had a gun (she hadn't). The block of units was evacuated, and the street blocked off. She was not charged (as a male would have been) but spent just two nights in hospital being assessed and then released.

As a senior police sgt once told me, no magistrate is going to punish a 'mad woman' or try to deal with her behaviour the same way that they would deal with a male.

So here is the rub - 'violent male = BAD male'. 'Violent female = MAD female".

So do you expect male victims to get help?

Doug, you probably heard the advice about removing yourself from the situation, but the situation follows you. This is from my understanding a rather common problem.

Erin Pizzey wrote about the family terrorist, and there is a book I think titled, The Dark side of Venus.

From my understanding there is no effective treatment for borderline personality disorders.

Thanks James, yes, in many ways you are correct.

But dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is showing encouraging signs as a viable treatment option.

@benk

I've been attacked in public by a female.

Me standing with a sign at a demo in Melbourne (Flinders st) blaming China for our lack of economic competitiveness.

She (a commy) came up and at all of 5 foot nothing, looked up nose to navel and said "I want to smash your face in". No one heard that except yours truly..and I just did the quick 'me big..she small' calculation and dismissed it.

A bit later she came at me like a thrashing machine using a weapon :) her little flag thingy.

I restrained her.. hammer locked her (lawful restraint) and marched her off to the nearest cop to charge her with assault.

He told me cut your losses before they arrest 'me'.

Innnnnnteresting :)

This morning I had another 'encounter' but this time TWO women and 3 dogs. The one dog not leashed happened to be a GREAT DANE! and it came a rushin at me... sniff/growl/taste...at which point I actually didn't do anything much...just walked on..waiting for it to bite...it had a few nibbles but as passing the owners I told them "You are this close to a lawsuit"! (holding pointer and thumb about a mm apart)

Of course they blamed ME.... but after his 'nibbles' became more of a 'yum yum..I must have more of this' -I shaped up...and told the women that I can break bones with my rather well trained feet and they told me I was inciting their pooch :) I reminded them they had walked past more than one clear sign "all dogs must be on a leash" and huffed off.

I suspect that 'people' see things in very self centric terms, which it comes to DV also.

Dougthebear, I wish you the very best of luck. Those suffering personality disorders can be terribly frustrating to deal with. BPD can be especially confronting.

I've been dealing for years with an ex who has Narcisistic personality disorder. The passive-aggression, the constant demands for attention, the expectation that someone MUST do something to make it right if she's not happy, the inability to empathise, the 25 years of bi-weekly "counselling" (paying someone to hear her talk and nod approvingly), the sense of entitlement.

I've had to basically avoid her at all costs, which is a shame, but self-protective.