Actually, if women don't think it is a massive plus for the kids that their father is now able to spend more time with them than before, is she really thinking of the kids?

Disruption? pft! Kids are adaptable, their whole lives are one new adaptation after another. Better for them to see both parents as much as possible.

floatinglili

Maybe some men don't put in enough of an effort with their kids before the break-up. Most of us reassess our priorities after break-ups. Most of gain freedom when we break-up. It isn't inconceivable that many men will choose to spend more time with the kids after a seperation.

Pelican

When you dismiss the male concerns so uncaringly, you only make Anti look right. You only talk about fairness when there is something in it for you.

How so benk? How am I dismissing male concerns? What is in it for me when I advocate an equal playing field in child custody and family law matters - but with the vital proviso that the child comes first and that is not a gender argument.

However, I do apologise to Antiseptic if my earlier post sounded angry - it was, and I was projecting some personal experiences which may have clouded the way I worded my response.

"What is right for the child in many cases is for the parents to not split up."

vanna I actually agree with you on that score, and it is a shame that more people don't work to mend their marriages rather than opt for divorce. However, this is not always possible and for some a divorce may be in the best interests of the child if there is undue friction or worse violence.

Unfortunately many people are too one-eyed and can only see how they are wronged rather than look at how they have wronged. Marriages can only be fixed if both parties are willing; or if they can agree to put their woes aside for the sake of the kids.

Obviously as a woman going through this, some might feel my judgment is clouded. Women give birth risking their very lives in order to bring children into this world and unless unfit should be the ones to care for children in cases of divorce. What is completely missing all the people on here is that in this story when Melinda originally left Ken she made allegations of abuse directed at not just Andrew but herself as well.

Now Ken is saying he hopes they can get back together? Why would she want to be with someone who is hurting her? Also contrary to popular belief allegations of abuse are not made lightly.

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/cust_myths.html

has information including massive studies on false allegations during divorce.

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/ap.html

also has information on true child abuse.

http://dastardlydads.blogspot.com/2009/09/another-look-see-at-nis-3-or-what-do.html

examines the largest study that still shows abuse statistics separated by mother/father/married households and who actually does the abusing.

Of course this is all dismissed. The newest study available that has the scope and number of subjects in it is the NIS-4 and it does not separate households according to male led or female led. One must wonder why that is. Does the huge government funded Fatherhood Initiative have something to hide?

@benk

"Maybe some men don't put in enough of an effort with their kids before the break-up. Most of us reassess our priorities after break-ups. Most of gain freedom when we break-up. It isn't inconceivable that many men will choose to spend more time with the kids after a seperation."

Maybe the problem lies in the fact that you should have "reassessed" your priorities before divorce. Afterward is kind of too late wouldn't you say?

@Houellebecq

"Actually, if women don't think it is a massive plus for the kids that their father is now able to spend more time with them than before, is she really thinking of the kids?"

Actually she might very well be thinking of the kids and herself. Most mothers I know (including myself) are pretty selfless when it comes to their children. We go without so our children can have, I know I do.

"Oh aren't we a bundle of womanly power over here!"

Oh no we have to resort to sarcasm? Read my previous post and see the truth about child abuse and family violence. I say unless the mother has been abusive or is unfit she should be the one caring for the children because generally she has done most of it before (and like in my case ALL of it). Children need money to be properly care for but they also need someone to care for their emotional needs as well. A father who has left 99% of this to mom before divorce is not going to magically turn over a new leaf. In most cases he just remarries and the care of children fall to new wife. Sorry but this is just wrong on so many levels.

Again the only time a child should be removed from mom is if she is unfit and only if that has been determined to be the case through UNBIASED - not paid for by dad or courts - experts.