I was watching the "First Dates," program on TV
the other evening. An older couple were matched up.
She was 59 and he was I think around 69. She asked
him whether he was still sexually active. I was
somewhat appalled - thinking what's it got to do with
her? Then, I realised that perhaps it was a fair
question to ask if she was looking for a long-term
relationship and not just a fling.

It gave me the idea for this discussion.
How important is sex in a relationship to you and why?

Discuss. And please try to keep politics out of this
discussion.

What sort of relationship?

Is Mise,

You tell us.

Yes sex is critical, as it promotes intimacy.

Intimacy is the reason that arranged mirages work

The trouble with sex is that it produces too many resource-sponging morons ! It also causes family break-ups but otherwise it's great !

Sex is not important in a relationship unless it is an intimate sexual relationship.
My relationship with my bank manager, for example, is devoid of any sexual connotations, even though we have intercourse, social intercourse.

Great responses so far.

Thank You.

There's really no one-size-fits-all answer to this.

We're all different and what's important for some may not
be important for others. It ultimately depends on your
personal beliefs, physical desires and the nature of your
relationship.

Some people may have a low sex drive, others a high sex drive.
The sex drive may change as we age. Some people may have an'
underlying medical condition - and be in chronic pain.

Others may have a set of religious beliefs - (sex goes with marriage
only). Still other may want to date for a longer period of time
before having sex, and the list goes on.

For some intimacy doesn't necessarily have to include sex.
It can involve things like cuddling, kissing, holding
hands, massages, and many other things.

Relationships have their ups and downs. To me, communication is
important - plus having the time to get to know each other.
I also like tenderness. But it is the rarest emotion one
encounters.

In personal intimate relationships - you need time. Active time.
Whether it leads to communication, as it frequently does, or
to a romantic situation, or both. Too often when people
are dating, they're rushed into being sexual - a question of
time again. I feel that it's wise to have taken the time
to discover each other - if both like what they've found -
it can be exhilarating - and sheer magic.

All in all I feel that sexual activity is not necessary for a
healthy personal, intimate relationship. It's a bonus. But
many people do live happily without it.

There's much more at the following link:

http://healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/is-sex-important-in-a-relationship#

Every relationship is different. Every single one.

Sex will be important in some, less so in others, not at all in still others.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. No one should. The question will remain unanswerable and rightly so.

Psychologists advise that it's better to know the pros
and cons of whether to have sex before marriage or not,
weigh them up, and then make an informed decision.

The following link explains further:

http://marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/physical-intimacy-before-marriage/

Some of the pros listed are - 1) Assessing sexual compatibility.
2) Identifying sexual problems. 3) Better understanding of
partner. 4) Better intimacy with partner. And so on.

Some of the cons listed are - Fear of pregnancy. 2) Fear of STDs.
3) Fear of break-up. 4) Single-parent situation. 5) Lack of maturity.
6) Moments of guilt. 7) Less understanding partner. 8) Hurting
religious sentiments.

Here's another interesting link:

http://thehealthy.com/family/relationships/is-sex-important-in-a-relatiosnhip/

Sorry for the typo.

Here's the link again:

http://thehealthy.com/family/relationships/is-sex-important-in-a-relationship/

This may be interesting for some of you:

http://newcastleherald.com.au/story/183442/lets-talk-about-sex-with-bettina-arndt/

The headline for the article Foxy links is "Let's talk about sex with Bettina Arndt".

I'm not sure my wife would approve, although I'm sure Bettina would. </grin>

mhaze,

I'm now going to try to get a hold of Arndt's "Sex
Diaries," it sounds like an interesting read.

mhaze,

Perhaps you could get the "Sex Diaries," as a gift
for your wife. Her reaction just may surprise you.

Talking about sex in a relationship?

The latest research shows that young people are
sexually active in some way - and that there are
issues of concern. Apparently there is a low level of
consistent condom use and also there are increased
levels of unwanted sex particularly to alcohol use.

So in this discussion perhaps we need to also talk about
how important is sex education for young people?

We're told that "The latest research has revealed that
most young people learn about sex and sexual health
from school based sexuality education programs.
Family members were also found to be a significant source
of information."

However many school kids apparently had low levels of
confidence to discuss sexuality or contraception with
parents.

The conclusion reached however was that -

"Comprehensive, whole-school sexuality education, that
provides consistent and accurate information to all
young people from an early age and is respectful of
diversity, can contribute to positive behaviour change."

There's more at:

http://education.vic.gov.au/school/teachers/teachingresources/discipline/physed/Pages/aboutwhy.aspx#

It looks like this discussion has now run its course.
Thanks to everyone who contributed.

I'm looking forward to the next one.

Before I leave - here's something for the old-timers
that I found on the web:

My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout

Time was when, on its own
From my trousers it would spring
But now it's just a full time job
To find the blessed thing

It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave

Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes.

Willy poems are always funny -
Right guys?

And just for a bit of variety:

It goes in dry, comes out wet
The longer it's in
The stronger it gets
It comes out dripping and
It starts to sag
It's not what you think
It's a Lipton teabag!

Keep smiling.

Hi Foxy.....Will you marry me ?

Hi snake,

Thank You -

But -

Sorry, I'm already committed to Johnny Depp.
(joke).

aaaah.....shucks !

Hi snake,

MWAH!

X0X0X0X!

I again watched the TV program - "First Dates"
last night. People searching for love and
companionship, and permanent relationships
and commitment. Sex did not seem to be important.
People seemed to be searching for something more
meaningful. Which I found rather re-assuring.
The emphasis seemed to be on compatability more
than anything else.

This has been fun.
Have a nice day - I'm now going to make some pumpkin
soup.

Take care.

I say a cartoon recently where an elderly woman says to her husband "We're alone why don't we run upstairs and make love."

The Husband replies "I can only do one of those things"

shadowminister,

So very apt!

Loved it.

Roses are red
Nuts are brown
When desire goes up
Pants come down!

Those TV shows are obviously a farce. Only fools go on them looking for love, I suspect most people on there think they are 'insta famous' and want to find followers.

Sex is as important in a relationship as it is to the person to whom it matters most. That is, a couple can be sexless and perfectly happy. Not me, but some.

I love watching
some of the reality shows. It's a form of escapism.
I'm currently watching - "Beauty and the
Geek," and am amazed at the difference that being
given support and self-confidence makes to some of the
participants. It's actually quite moving.

As for sex?

Of course it's a personal matter. We're all different.
To me - a great partner is one who satisfies my emotional
appetite. People either connect or they don't.

I'm not looking for perfection. I do love tenderness.
But it is the rarest emotion one encounters.

As we have seen from the replies here there is no simple answer to your question. Different things mean a variety of preferences to a wide variety of men and women. I looked up the influence that various hormones had on men and women especially testosterone and found an interesting article based on a survey with respect to just that question which might be of interest. https://www.drugs.com/news/testosterone-levels-matter-men-s-women-s-sex-lives-100963.html I feel that there is some atavistic animal development that causes many of our feelings and activities, but social consequences also influence our demands. Producing and rearing children being one of the main ones, but sex has always been recreational as well with differing strength in men and women with an equal distribution of mental connective issues as well. There is another article on line that suggests up to 70% of Australians have entered into some sort of sexual infidelity . What does that say about the subject ? https://spousespy.com.au/statistics-of-infidelity

Hi snake,

Thanks for the links.

I can't speak on behalf of other people.
Sexual infidelity is not something that I've ever
given much thought to. My husband satisfied
my sexual appetite and hopefully I do his.

But as you pointed out - we're all different.
And there's not one correct answer to the question
I originally asked. That's what makes it interesting.

Each to their own.