Jayb,

Good to see that you've given this a great deal
of thought and taken the time to share your
thoughts with us.

Kudos.

Hi Foxy,
We could EASILY come up with a better policy than the 'experts' have ourselves.
And when I say 'ourselves' I mean just the contributors to this thread.

Over here on this thread I posted something really important.

http://forum.onlineopinion.com.au/thread.asp?article=20524#362092

"The way to get to the truth on any issue is to separate the arguments that do hold merit from those that don't.
Policies need to be foolproofed, that is face the scrutiny of every possible argument that holds merit.
It needs to be done this way because there's a lot at stake.
At best 'bad policy' has the potential for people to be treated unfairly;
And at worst the policy is open to exploitation by those who would deliberately do so for their own or others benefit;
- And all the consequences that can result from that"

OK so do you see what we're doing now right?
Were all slowly arguing out the merits of our points of view.

That's this part:
'The way to get to the truth on any issue is to separate the arguments that do hold merit from those that don't.
Policies need to be foolproofed, that is face the scrutiny of every possible argument that holds merit.'

We've already GONE further in the process to get to the bottom of this problem than the experts have.

We've come so far but we're not finished.
I already know the destination.

Big Nana's comment is a good place to ground ourselves and take a breather.

"Personally I think we need somehow to convince young people not to jump into relationships with people they barely know, and certainly don’t have children with them before you are sure the relationship is going to work."

Getting Warmer.

"And I hate to say it, but I have found in general that the women were the most vindictive."

Warmer.

"And whilst I abhor all forms of violence, including the domestic kind, I have seen men literally forced into lashing out by being subjected to a barrage of verbal abuse and denigration, frequently in front of the children."

Hot.

Dear AC,

As I indicated to Jayb -

I also appreciate your taking the time, thought, and
effort to share your thoughts with us.

AC: "And whilst I abhor all forms of violence, including the domestic kind, I have seen men literally forced into lashing out by being subjected to a barrage of verbal abuse and denigration, frequently in front of the children."

Oh yeah. I have come to the conclusion that the reason my wife's first husband committed suicide was because he was verbally & mentally abused. Yes he used to bash her. I've heard all the stories. He was from a family of heavy drinkers & men known to be very macho. Actually I think that she was actually the intended target & he couldn't do it because he'd end up in jail. Aids was the real big scare in those days & jail was where you got.... Well you know. & he could not stand the thought of that.

After 27 years of marriage I know what the poor bugger had to put up with. luckily I'm a lot more laid back & can handle it with ease. Which makes her mad because I don't fight back. I've never ever been able to get angry, & when I do try every-one laughs. Total failure.

You know, "Yes... uh huh... hmmmm." Ha ha ha.

Hey Foxy,

OK Part 2 from yesterday...

I said getting warmer, warmer and hot to Big Nana comment.
I half expected a comment saying I'm defending woman bashers;
- But I'm not.

Let me explain.

"Personally I think we need somehow to convince young people not to jump into relationships with people they barely know, and certainly don’t have children with them before you are sure the relationship is going to work"

I said 'getting warmer' to this, because Big Nana's moving in the direction the sum total of our arguments is supposed to take us.

I said I know the destination, the 'destination' is this:
'1. Prevention is better than cure'

Big Nana said "convince young people not to jump into relationships with people they barely know".

She's on the right track, but not exactly right.
It's isn't 'convince young people to not have relationships';
It is '2. Prepare them adequately for the types of situations relationships will produce'.

- Take 1 and 2 together, that's the destination and that's the answer. -

"And I hate to say it, but I have found in general that the women were the most vindictive."

There's a good reason for this, (You are getting warmer) you just have to figure out what it is, and I'll explain more in following comments.

Now to this, why did I say 'Hot'?
"And whilst I abhor all forms of violence, including the domestic kind, I have seen men literally forced into lashing out by being subjected to a barrage of verbal abuse and denigration, frequently in front of the children."

I told you in the beginning.
'Men are more likely to lash out (sooner) when backed into a corner.
There's a good reason for this, (You are getting hot) you just have to figure out what it is

To be fair both sexes, all people are likely to lash out at some point, if they're being backed into a corner.

Dear AC,

Surveys suggest that each year very large numbers
of couples go through a violent episode in which
one spouse tries to cause the other serious pain or
injury.

Wives assault their husbands , husbands assault their wives
and spouses are equally likely to kill each other.
Although wives are rarely a match for their husbands in a
fistfight, they are more likely to use lethal weapons (notably kitchen knives).

In most non fatal physical violence between the spouses
however wives are very much the victims. Wife-beating is a
widespread and very serious problem.

The sources of this violence may lie in the dynamics of the
family as an intimate environment: close relationships
are likely to involve more conflict than less intimate ones,
since there are more occasions for tension to arise and
more likelihood that deep emotions will be provoked.

Another source may lie outside the family, for violence is
frequently a response to frustration. If the person affected
cannot strike back at the source of the problem - the
arrogance of an employer, say, or the lack of a job - the
aggression may be readily redirected to family members.

Perhaps most important, violence between husband and wife
takes place in a general social context that has traditionally
emphasized male dominance and female subservience.

In any event, the extent of violence in groups whose
members are supposed to love and care for one another is not
easily explained and suggests that the modern family may
sometimes be under greater pressure than it can easily bear.