The word dementia tends to strike fear into the hearts and minds of most elderly people, so what does one do about it, when first advised of the possibility of it's presence? A lot of self-analysis, together with many 'google' inquiries into the condition or 'illness'. With many choosing to discuss it with family members and close friends? In a few isolated cases, some will never choose to confide the existence of their ailment with others?

A condition that some folk endure in silence, secrecy even shame, with so many unanswered questions, and this constant desire to repetitively self-evaluate one's declining memory and faculties? With many symptoms merely imaginary, while others represent empirical evidence of the gradually advancing (egregious) dementia!

Hi O Sung Wu. The very first thing I would do about a possible dementia diagnosis is to take the tests to ensure my memory problems were definitely not caused by other possible disorders.

I would ask to be referred to one of the 'Memory disorder' clinics in capital cities, in order to get an exact diagnosis and treatment. Then I would agree to go on the current medication available that can at least slow down the onset of symptoms.

I would also put my hand up for any trials for new treatments, because I know they are getting so close to finding causes and cures, and I would want to be part of that. I would join the Altzeimers Association for both education and support.

With all of those thoughts though, I would also try to be practical and make out any wills, enduring power of attorney, or Advanced Care Directive documents that I needed to sign before I was medically not allowed to sign legal documents.

Find a support group.

Get out and about. Do things.

o sung wu,

Suse and otb have given good advice.

I would also suggest that daily you give the brain a bit of a workout. Whether it be crosswords or puzzles, that kind of thing - or anything that challenges the little grey cells. All this helps to keep the neurons firing and the connections agile.

Even the conundrums thrown up at places like OLO are helpful in that respect.

I have to say that you never seem vague or lacking in sharp analysis to me when we chat on this forum.

Dear O Sung Wu,

As you know, my mother has now been moved to a dementia
wing of an excellent nursing home. She's now been there
for approximately 6 weeks and much to our delight is
adjusting extremely well. They have a full daily
program there - from art therapy, music therapy, all sorts
of mind games, (from bingo, card games, crossword puzzles,
to travel documentaries). She gets her hair done weekly
at the hair-dressing salon, they have pampering afternoons,
where she gets her nails done, she's taken for walks,
excursions, and the staff ratio per resident is very high.
She's the centre of attention - which she loves. We visit her
daily - and she's also been introduced to people who speak
Russian, Polish, and German. Languages that she can speak
as well.

Suddenly, she's come out of her depression, and her
personality change has been amazing. She no longer just
sits and stares. She even makes jokes.

You've been given some excellent advice here from Suse,
Otb, and Poirot. From what I can see with mum - being kept
busy and active is important, as is being made to feel
wanted and not neglected. Your attitude also plays an
important role.

Mum is settling in nicely - and for that we are grateful.

Bit of an update...

My mum passed away last Friday.

Her funeral is tomorrow.

The thing is that she was totally with it until the end (even with the strong medication that made her sleep almost all the time in her last couple of days) which was heartening. We could still have simple conversations with her even then.

A couple of old time friends of hers developed dementia and have been in nursing homes for quite a while....they are still going. I always thought they would pass on first.

People have been very kind though, which has made this journey one of mixed blessings.

Condolences.

The experience of loss is unique to the individual and no-one can fully understand.

All I can say is be kind to yourself.

There are only a few things known about dementia: the 'experts' know no more than you do; the only way to be sure you have dementia is via examination of your dead brain; the only medication available after all the research and money spent is Aricept, under different brand names, and that might help for a couple of years; associations and counsellors are a waste of time. But, most of all, NEVER get a diagnosis if you have worries. You will be treated like a leper and a useless idiot thereafter. In America there are tests that are not done here. An MRI is the limit here, and, even if the scans show no change in the brain at all, if you are unfortunate enough to not remember 3 words given to you by an 'expert', are a bit at sea deducting 7 from 100, mentally until you are told to stop half way through and, even if you score the required 3/3, you still risk being diagnosed with dementia because you don't remember something someone else thinks you should, even though that something has know effect on your life whatsoever

Poirot, my sincere condolences, the loss of a love one is always a difficult time, but ones mum is always someone special, be strong. It is of little consolation at this moment, but time is a great healer, it was for me, I hope it will be for you.

Dear Poirot,

My Deepest Sympathy on your mother's death.

My prayers are with you and your family during
this difficult time.

Stay strong, and remember the happy moments.

Thinking of you with love...

Dear POIROT...

I'm so very sorry to hear of your dear Mums passing, but gratified to hear that her conversational faculties were still very much in tact, right up to her passing. The death of a much loved parent, quickly refocuses us away from our own trifling worries, morphing them into insignificance when compared with such a sad loss. Please take good care of yourself Poirot, my thoughts are very much with you, in this time of sorrow.

Many, many thanks, to all who have kindly offered advice on this Dementia issue. Be assured I'll take on board everything that you've all suggested, and continue on with my life until I can't! The only necessary adjustment that I'll make, is to keep it's existence 'strictly' to myself, until it manifests in such a way that it can be no longer concealed.

As a matter of interest, it was a protracted discussion here on The Forum, with our fellow contributor and good friend, 'STEELEREDUX' who first alerted me, that something was inordinately amiss?

Thank you all.

The thing is that during all this we've experienced so much kindness. It is just so heartening to receive such caring sentiments.

Yesterday we went out to get our hair cut to look nice for the funeral. On the way home we were stationary at traffic lights when a van smashed into us at about 50 Kim's an hour. The smash, noise etc was massive. It took a while for us to realize we were basically okay, although my daughter copped a wallop in the lumbar region and spent a couple of hours in emergency getting checked out.

Again the kindness of people who stopped to help, the ambos, was so uplifting. Complete strangers and they were simply wonderful - restores one's faith in human nature.

My sympathies too Poirot. Mine went 3 years ago. If I'm like her I'll be happy. She was fully with it until after her 99Th birthday party, then went downhill quickly. I think for her it was a relief by then.

o sung wu, it's not actually dementia old mate it's just old timers disease. Just as our legs & hands slow down a bit, [& our knees stop working], our brain takes a bit of a holiday occasionally, & works a bit, OK a lot slower.

This has made me a bit depressed, so I think I'll give myself a treat. I'll get into that thing I've got, you know the one with wheels that goes down the road.

I'll go down the shop & get some of that gooey stuff, you know, it used to come in cones, but is now in a plastic box, & bring it home for my treat. One of the good things about self service, you don't have to remember what it's called & ask or it, you can just wander around until you see it & put it in your trolley.

Just have to remember which isles you've already been down, so you don't walk around in circles all day.

One advantage of forgetting names occasionally is that memory starts to skip a bit. You suddenly remember something great from decades ago, that you'd completely forgotten. Makes not being able to remember what a car is called all worthwhile.

Have a good one mate.

G'Day there HASBEEN...

As always your contributions put a huge grin on my ugly dial, with your pragmatic approach to life and life's problems. Therefore I think I'll follow your advice and go to the Hardware store and get a really large chocolate ice cream cone, and if I have the time I'll pop into the Milk Bar and get new screw-driver set and 12.5mm drill bit! You're so right, life can be so extraordinarily good when you're are living in your late seventies, and begin to enjoy your new found wisdom? If only I could remember where it is exactly, that I live, even the right city would be of help?

Oh Poirot, I am so sorry for what you are going through.
There aren't any words to make you feel better right now, but know I am thinking of you.

O Sung Wu, good luck, and keep your sense of humour.

Thanks, Hasbeen and Suse,

More kindness!....really I am blown away by it.

Everywhere I look people are being so caring - it's a most uplifting experience...the kind that only happens at times like this.

And the other thing is that I keep reliving the impact of that collision the other day - the sound, the force - it was like the world had been reduced to one massive explosion and us!

I've never been in a smash like that - and I'm constantly amazed that we walked away from it without serious injury. The thing that saved us was that he hit our reasonably sized Honda Accord from behind and the boot and chassis absorbed most of the force. If he'd hit the little Kia in front of us, the impact would have squashed it.

Lucky...

That's why I love the Forum. In moments of
personal stress and difficulties over the years
most of the people here have given each other
kind words and support over our troubled times.
Bless you all. Kind words, kindness, compassion,
mean a great deal. Like a warm blanket in winter,
it is a great comfort - especially in times of
adversity.

You, dear Poirot, stay strong, and know that you
are loved.

God Bless!

Dear POIROT...

I was with the 'prang gang' (major accident squad) many years ago, and one of the most disturbing and enduring repercussions most car accident victims have relayed to me, is this awful crashing sound of the collision. Together with the immediacy of the kinetic shock that is occasioned by the impact.

Poirot if this disturbing recall continues to prevail, even worsens, you might consider seeking medical attention fairly soon. Rather than just leaving it, in the hope it will slowly diminish over time? A chat with a Doctor can often clear one's thinking, thus alleviating the risk of episodes of PTSD in the future?

We were taught to always advise accident victims, notwithstanding they're apparently uninjured, there is generally a nasty 'rebound effect' that accompanies most serious vehicular collisions?

Please, take care Poirot, you're far too important to all of us and The Forum. I'm sure all our sincerest thoughts are with you today, for your dear Mum's funeral.

o sung wu,

What a sensitive post - thank you.

I'll take your advice on board. Right now I'm trying not to focus repeatedly on the moment of impact - although it sneaks through sometimes.

Yes, I think there is some kind of psychological discrepancy between the severity of the accident and the fact that we were all spared physically.

After the funeral, my brother, who lives in another city, asked me if the driver who hit us stayed and left his details or just fled. I replied that it wasn't just a "bingle" that we had at least four police and an ambulance in attendance and several tow trucks - and about twenty people helping us cope with the trauma.

And there we were at the funeral walking around all in one piece as if nothing happened...which kind of seems surreal and which I think is part of the challenge in the near future.

I'm sorry I've derailed the thread somewhat with my own issues, but can't thank you all enough for your kind words and sentiments.

Dear Poirot......heartfelt condolences for the loss of your precious mum......

Dear POIROT...

You thought that you may've somehow 'derailed the thread with your own issues'...? I dunno Poirot, it seems to me, one of the main reasons we all like to spend some time reading, consuming, and debating much of the material others place on 'The Forum', it's simply another medium where we all have the opportunity to meet figuratively, and communicate with other like minded people, from a similar demographic.

It's for this reason I think, after being made aware of some awful event that's inflicted another, with whom we're well acquainted, someone who's albeit anonymous, in terms of their precise personal bio-data, but nevertheless are known to us in terms of their values and in some, even the way they think. It is for this reason I believe, when something catastrophic or tragic happens to them, or someone close to them, it surely must have an emotionally influence upon all of us?

No Poirot, you have in no way 'derailed' the thread or the Topic. Conversely, it's my own firm belief that you've in fact, 'value added' to the Topic, both exponentially 'AND' manifestly!

Please take care.

“A great measure of the real value of the things we have is how we feel when such things become scarce and absent in our lives”
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

If you can get out into the environment around you and meet people, do it more maybe.

I recently saw a sign on one of the walls of my mum's
nursing home. It stated:

"The difference between a good day and a bad day -
is your attitude."

o sung wu,
I hope and prey it never happens to me but if it does then I will have lived life to the fullest,
gave all I could, when and where I could, and never asked anything of anyone that couldn't
afford it, socially financially or emotionally.
Three wars, service in the "job" and now mentoring and supporting the Menshed movement
have all filled my cup to the brim so when the time comes and the diagnosis is confirmed
I will removed the burden from my loved ones and
"do the right thing" especially since since the law removes the medical profession from the picture.
I think old mate that you are just as much a realist as I am in this respect and as an extra
I have arranged for the "cutters" at the local medical facility to take what they need or can
use when the time comes.

G'evening to you CHRISGAF1000...

I say yeah to that ol' friend! I too would never wish to become a burden on either my family or society, and if and when the time is right, I have at hand my own measures in order to ameliorate my problem utterly, and in full!

I might mention a rather unexpected postal delivery, that arrived at our front door a couple of weeks ago Chris? A small packet, sent via Registered Post containing the 'National P. Service Medal', complete with a decent looking miniature? The extraordinary thing is, now that I've settled into this, immutable retirement, and all the 'I's and 'T's have been dotted and crossed, and with no judicial matters still outstanding. To unexpectedly receive this official looking packet, I will admit, I was absolutely confounded? It goes to show however, the A/C Personnel, does indeed have an extraordinarily long reach, eh?

I expect you've got yours by now? I'm not entirely sure where one is supposed to wear it, on the left with the normal military gongs, or on the right where most Long Service and miscl. awards are normally worn, any ideas? I guess you'll spend some time with your unit, on Monday next, the 25th?

o sung wu, "I have at hand my own measures in order to ameliorate my problem utterly, and in full!"

I know you would never leave a mess for other men, not to mention your loved ones, to clean up.

Where most end up with problems they didn't want is simply because they don't advise ambulance officers and the very first people they encounter in hospital when admitted to Emergency that they DO NOT want to be resuscitated. Just say it and write it where possible.

It is usually too late where you let the team take over and the courageous fight is on to keep you alive to the very limits of the team's ability and available technology.

Tell those relatives and friends too, early and often.

Hi there ONTHEBEACH...

I've been to enough suicides to see the emotional impact the scene has on some police members, without the awful trauma and self recriminations it has on close family members! No mate, if anyone is contemplating necking 'em selves, do so in a manner where it causes the least amount of stress on those who have to deal with the scene. Otherwise you're just a miserable arsehole who has no thought whatsoever for some poor stranger who has to deal with your discovery!

ONTHEBEACH your thoughts that those who wish to end it all and fail, ending up in the hands of ambo's and some hospital emergency room, should leave a note advising them NOT to attempt CPR et al, is an excellent idea. One 'client' of mine had a message scrawled across his chest a message (somewhat) to that effect, in case he botched his effort, which he didn't I might add. I've always counselled young people who've tried to neck 'em selves of the benefits of speaking with 'Lifeline'. And the occasional feedback I've received has always been positive - ten out of ten for Lifeline.

o sung wu,

I cannot claim any credit for what I said about remembering to tell attending people and that includes all, when resuscitation is NOT wanted.

I think it was a medical doctor perhaps from ER who said that in an article or comments on OLO (likely), however it was seen online. The article being discussed had to do with patients suffering from terminal conditions who were well advanced. The concern of some contributors was that the patient's wishes expressed in writing prior may not be seen or heeded (eh where relatives/carers say otherwise). The doctor said that verbal advice was the key and immediacy - it must be before the treatment started. Otherwise in the organised haste to treat you are unlikely to be heard, or are under the effects of drugs.

The doctor was being very practical and simple: tell them first up and before 'going along with the flow'.

As always, I wish you all of the very best and look forward to your posts. Hasbeen gives sage advice: in essence, keep on trucking. I'd add, never let the Bs grind you down. -Which includes turn off sources of irritation and bad vibes. Turn that Idiot Box off and take the opinions of people on the Net with a grain of salt. There are plenty of people, MANY men, out there and strangers too, who do care.

Hi (again) ONTHEBEACH...

I may well be wrong, but I think medical practitioners 'must' by law, try to resuscitate a patient, irrespective of that patient's contemporaneous wishes? How they acquiesce to this unorthodox request, I don't know?

Conversely, in matters of advanced terminal illness I think there are times when the treating medico's either hurry things along, or fail to take other measure (save for strong and effective pain analgesia) in order to prolong life? To be sure I wouldn't know, one way or the other, only what we've all heard?

Also my friend, thank you for your very kind perennial support. Support you've unselfishly given me, from the 'get go'. Apropos our good mate HASBEEN, the above sentiments equally apply to him as well. Both of you illustrate the meaning of true pragmatism and each of you gives a clear voice to those often repudiated standards of truthfulness and veracity, two very rare commodities in today's frenetic society. To lose either of you, from 'The Forum', would prove calamitous, and a single voice for commonsense and pragmatism would be lost?

O Sung Wu, if you have filled out an Advanced Healthcare Directive (find it online) , and ask a lawyer to help you word it correctly, you leave a copy at your local hospital, with your GP, with family, and at your house. The medical staff can't resus you if there is a current AHD available that requests no resus.

Don't forget to add that you don't want any treatment of any sort either, if you are found alive but unwell. Perhaps you might consider No antibiotics or other medications that may prolong your life, but that you want to be made comfortable with pain relief medications? The lawyer usually knows what to suggest to say.
My mother has made hers out like that, and she feels much easier now.

Thank you so much SUSEONLINE, that's very kind of you to supply me with that information, I must confess I never knew such an arrangement (document) existed? Again, thank you!