it was only a generation ago, maybe 2, that our parents continue to stay with us under one roof

now, it is almost like an accepted culture to leave our aged parents to fend for themselves in a caravan park or an aged facility

let us leave the following exceptions aside
a. parents without children
b. children migrated but the aged parents refused to go along
c. children's whose lives are in a big mess... like divorced and unemployed and they cannot even look after themselves

why then are the majority not prepared to have their parents living with them?

my wife was a care giver in one of the aged facility many years back
every christmas eve, she comes back with tears in her eyes and all emotionally spent
she told me there were countless residents who just sat there waiting for their children and grandchildren who never showed up

we used to have our parents with us
now we turn them away for economic reasons and also for our convenience and "more space and privacy and less conflicts"

i did a quick poll at the farm services shop some time back and to my amazement, all of those older than 55 told me they would rather be with one of their children
the funny thing is their initial response was to be politically correct and bravely say they rather be left on their own... BUT on further probing...they finally opened their hearts and say ideally they would rather be in the warmth of larger family

for the records, our parents continues to stay with us under one roof
there are some minor conflicts (non that cannot be resolved) and i must say we are feeling very blessed

Good luck to you having your parents live with you Platypus1900, but I don't think you can judge others for not doing the same without knowing their circumstances.

I too have worked in Nursing homes, and have listened to stories from relatives of residents that have made me equally sad.....for them.

Some children did not have a good life with mum and dad, and are thus not keen to have much to do with them as adults.
Others just can't handle sickness or dementia in the elderly and tend to stay away.
Others are just awful relatives!

As a community nurse now, I see many elderly people living in relative's homes.
They are usually those whose parents were good to them all their lives, or they have sold the parents home and added on to their own home with that money....and told their parents they will 'look after' them.

It doesn't always work, but it is not helpful to judge others
if you don't know the full story .....

@suse

i dont get what you are saying

i am talking about our society
about a culture we lost
i am talking about family values

you mentioned parents who did not look after their children
you talk about children who do not like looking after old parents..their messiness and aged issues
you mention about awful relatives (cannot follow this point)

dont you realise those are issues to be looked at
issues to confront and ask ... like how come the parents were bad in the first place....
issues like parents in retirement villages and caravan parks...if that is what we want?

it is not meant to be judgemental

you wished me good luck?
no, that is not what i need
what my family (children and grandchildren) need is to learn
learn how to love
how to be patient
how repay our parents for the love they shown us
how to look after them when they are old and need us

good luck?
no... we have our problems...not easy looking after aged parents
but we resolve them
the alternative to put them in retirement homes is a lazy...cowardly...uncaring..unloving way to treat our parents

yes..there will be exceptions
like evil and bad parents who never looked after their children in the first place
my parents and in-laws does not belong to that group
and we believe we do not belong to that group

suse.... stop giving excuses for our pitiful society that is going down the slippery path... be brave and say no...and stop all those justifications

thks

Life is different now platypus. Where we once stayed in the same town/city, that is no longer the case. As a country boy all the more academic of my school mates went off to somewhere to university. Some of the less academic moved to other towns or the city to get apprenticeships, or just work opportunities.

When I went off to Uni I never lived within 100Km of my parents. They chose their retirement district, & it was only when my father died that we bought a transportable granny flat for her. She was on my property, but independent for 20 years until 98, by her choice.

My mother in law has one daughter near Noosa, one in Boonah area, a son near Coffs Harbour & one in Kiama. She chose to stay in Sydney, rather than chase any one kid, where her siblings & friends are close by. She will probably need more support soon, but what she does is her choice.

My own kids are spread from Sydney to Darwin. The days when families lived their lives within a few blocks of each other are long gone. I will agree this is a pity. It would be nice to know some more of my relatives, or the kids I went to school with, but our world no longer works that way.

@hasbeen

i like your post
nice and simple and sincere

you did well to get your mother to stay in the granny flat on your property
what an excellent idea
she get her space and yet remain with the family

as for your MIL, could she be like many aussies who are putting up a brave front
my mates told me when they are old and incontinent, they dont want their family to see them in a mess... a matter of pride
could that be the real reason?

i pray that more of us will speak up and educate, teach our family and ourselves on what is a better way

i hate it when people from other culture asked "is that how you all look after your aged parents?"

There is not one, but two elephants in the room:

-first, (grand)parental alienation, which is rife in Australia; and

-secondly, the destruction of the extended family, which is again linked to the non-valuing of family ('dissed' as 'traditional' where traditional is a feminist term of abuse) and consequential to the feminist hatred of fathers and fatherhood.

While young Australians like most youth anywhere do move around somewhat after leaving the nest, I suspect that the majority return to the suburb at least one if a couple was raised in. There are expected exceptions to that given the general population drift away from the country (poor government planning and brutish economic reality) and from towns and cities that failed to thrive (poor government planning can be a factor).

However it is also true that one of the social factors that sets Australia apart from many other countries is that the elderly have not been valued and less so as time wears on. Despite recent protests to the contrary, government makes it very plain that seniors are not seen as contributing to the nation -where economics or more bluntly the mighty dollar rules.

The old are also the excuses and whipping boys of governments that have failed to plan, or more likely have ideologies to serve. Those who should know better have allowed government to foster intergenerational jealousy, usually as an easy way of introducing changes in budget priorities.

Not to forget either the growth of individualism, concentration on self (and greed is good), challenges to 'traditional' (that word again) ethics and morality - where morals flex to suit self-centered priorities. Did I mention consumerism? Should have, since it is so actively modelled to us by the greedy careerists who call themselves politicians.

Where to start?
The old don't understand themselves and need to drastically overhaul their and society's expectations of the final chapter of life.

There is some very good work on the subject being done overseas and Australia should not be playing catch-up in what could be a very good export earner of providing policy advice to other countries.