Dear Foxy,

Sometimes there is a fear of other people dying.

As a child I would spend summers and sometimes more with my Grandmother and grandfather in Lake Placid, N. Y. up in the Adirondacks. I became very afraid of losing my grandmother. I didn’t want her or my grandfather to die. I can remember the odour of liniment that she used on her aching body. I recall her scent of clean clothes, garden and liniment. I keep her bottle of Sloan’s liniment.

Her legs were shapeless sausages with the oedema that afflicts some old people when they retain fluids. Sloan’s helped to ease her aching body.

I asked, “Ma, why are your legs so thick?” I called her ‘Ma.’ Her children did so why shouldn’t I?

She looked at me and held me close. In a dreamy voice she said, “When I was a young and beautiful woman in Eishyshok on a starry night I went swimming in the river. The smell of cedar and the reflections in the water so took me that I was not aware of the nearby water mill until I was drawn into the water wheel. I was so battered that my legs were no longer shapely when I got out. That’s why my legs are like this.”

Of course, I believed my grandmother. She was rigidly honest and would not lie to me. It was only years later that I realised that she did not want me to think of the infirmities of age. However, I did think of age. I heard that eating eggs promoted longevity so I advised my grandmother to eat eggs. Somehow, I knew this good time would not last.

I miss my grandmother.

Dear david f,

I think we have been to this before - the difference, as I understand it, between arational (as not being rational, logically irrelevant) and irrational (meaning against rational, against logic). I agree that we have no obligation to always be rational or moral, we can sometimes by arational, some of our actions might by amoral (i.e. morally irrelevant, neither good nor bad), but the words irrational, immoral have a pejorative meaning.

There are beliefs for which there cannot be evidence (convincing for everybody) for the very nature of such beliefs, like

“that the physical world is all there is” (Carl Sagan), or

“that this world is rationally ordered, (i.e. amenable to scientific investigation, as opposed to a random collection of events)”, or

"that whatever our understanbding of reality there will always be a better one, closer to truth", or

"that whatever physical theories wil supersede the ones we have, they will have to be again written in the language of mathematics" etc.

Only in mathematics and formal logic you can look for “evidence” that everybody has to accept, which is usually called a proof. You cannot have evidence for fundamental world view assumptions like you cannot have proofs for axioms.

AJ Philips,

I don’t know what premise. I just made a psychological observation about some responses to the question asked by Foxy, which - fair enough - you don’t share, if I understood you properly.

Quite poignant, David.

"Sometimes there is a fear of other people dying."

Yes, I had another experience when my daughter at 10 developed Type 1 diabetes. She'd been perfectly healthy before, and has been since. So her body just stopped producing insulin and even though I'd had her to GP in the weeks before, it wasn't picked up until she was quite sick (apparently that happens a lot). Of course it was quite a shock and we had to learn all about insulin and what it does, learn about injections give them and also about diet and how much carbohydrate and what sort of carbohydrate best manages the situation...a great big balancing act.

My mother, her Nan, kept lamenting why did it happen to her granddaughter, etc. My view was that we should just get on with learning and managing the condition. We were lucky to be in an age where Type 1 was manageable with injections of insulin, diet and exercise.

When we were at the children's hospital, I'd see all the kids with cancer, their bald heads bobbing along the corridors or lying on their pillows - and I knew we at least were lucky that this condition was manageable and the child could resume a normal life (with adjustment) quite quickly.

She's 32 now, healthy and active, 4 insulin shots a day, married to a lovely man from Missouri...all good.

Steelie: Once was under an Army T10 chute.

Now that brings back memories. The Terendak Garrison Freefall Club had a T10 Cut to a Double L. With a sleeve on they took an extremely time to open, 4 sometimes 5 seconds. Up from the usual 3 with a 28 footer. One day a Kluang, without realizing it we put a very small woman on it. It took 8 seconds to open. She looked up & saw it was deploying OK so let it open instead of deploying her reserve. Only weighing just over 45 kilos,.she ended up miles away. She was OK the rest of us on the ground, $hit. There was plenty of time for her she was at 32 thou on a hop & pop.

On that note My first jump from a Beaver at 54 over Terendak in Commonwealth Week (big Sports week) Stall speed at just over 90 knots. I ended up on my back & couldn't get back over to the Basic Free fall position. I looked up & there was this big face in the sky pointing at me. (like the one in the Sistine Chapel) He said, "Boy, you're in trouble. Do something about it." I went calm, rolled over & deployed at 22. When I landed, the Church of England Minister was doing the marking & I landed at his feet. All I could say was, "I was just talking to your Boss." & staggered off. Strange that.

Dear David F.,

Your grandmother must have been a very lovely woman
to have had such an impact on you. I loved my grandfather.
He was a very gentle giant (6ft 7inches in height) and a
great story-teller. I remember sitting with him in a cafe
and staring at the man at the next table who was studying
something on his table (although I couldn't see anything
there). I asked my grandfather - "What's that man staring at?"
Grandad simply said - "The devil." My mother scolded Gramps
"Don't tell her that, she'll believe you and you'll scare
her." I wasn't scared at all. I was fascinated and looked
to see if I could also see the devil.

Gramps died shortly after his wife, who died of Leukemia.
I think of him often and miss him very much. Many of his
stories I'm passing onto my grandchildren.

Dear Poirot,

I'm so glad that your daughter is doing well today.
You've certainly been through a lot in your life.

Dear Jay,

I wish that I could relate some extra-ordinary phenomena
from my experience to you.
No such luck. But who knows, what lies ahead.
The closest thing that my husband and I encountered
was when we were invited for a charity-raising function at the
Raheen Estate in Kew (the previous home of Cardinal Mannix).
During the course of the evening we were shown the room where
the Cardinal had died. It creeped me out. The room was icy-cold
and there definitely was an "atmosphere," there. We were told
that even the resident cat stayed away from that particular
room. I was glad to get out of there. However, we did not see
anything strange in that room - just felt the coldness and
an eery feeling whilst there.

George,

Yes, on second thoughts your main point didn’t really hinge on the idea that those attitudes were extreme. You can scrap that first sentence in my post.