Responses marked and found wanting? LOL

Dear onthebeach,

No. responses are never found wanting.
Including yours.
You're most welcome. -

We're hungry
for our wise women and our wise men.
They who have lived these years,
having seen what they have seen and
cried the tears of troubled times, we
acknowledge that they've climbed the
ladder of the elder ones. We're blessed
by their presence and we are grateful to know
them.

Dear Lexi,

My apologies for dipping in when you were looking to close the door but I thought I might offer the following observations.

My mother worked for many years in aged care before retiring. She was the night sister in charge of a very large government run facility in a major town near us.

Dealing with death and dying (often wondered why these aren't the other way around, perhaps the phonetics dictate a trailing off of sorts) were obviously a huge part of the job description. As a single mother raising five kids she could not afford a car at the time so my brother and I took it in turns to walk her the several kilometres to work each night. Conversations about who had passed away the night before were common. It was her experience that as a rule those who lived full rich lives were usually those whose passing was the most dignified. Those who had lead pinched, grasping, ungracious lives often went cursing and railing at the world and its creator.

I do not know anything about the Melbourne women of whom you speak but I get the sense that rather than having a mental illness as has been floated here, she has a presence of mind that has come from a 'well examined life'.

Yet my mother was always in awe of how tenaciously people did cling to life, often through enormously distressing circumstances. We know how much value the majority of the human race places on the gift of existence and we rightly judge societies by how they respect the lives of their citizens.

So why do we have this sense that all is not right with the way we are dealing with the process of death and dying in our Western country? The sense of dissatisfaction is strikingly evident in the posts here.

Cont..

Cont..

Having lived in and been familiar with the customs of South East Asian it is notable that the thought of sending our old and infirmed into nursing homes is alien and more than a little disturbing to many Asian people I have known. The commitment to caring for their elderly relatives within their homes is far stronger in their culture.

I'm not sure I'm trying to make the case that we are neglectful or unempathetic. We have a far greater focus on individual choice and responsibility for our own care that if the price of that 'freedom' is spending our final years separated from our families in a nursing home most of us will probably take it.

Yet Susieonline will probably attest to the fact that some of the families who are the most vocal about the treatment their elderly relative is receiving can be among who are the least prepared to find the time to visit on a regular basis. Perhaps their stridency comes from a sense of guilt.

My sister-in-law, who works in the same facility as my mother did, recently spoke of a Muslim lady with dementia who was admitted a year ago. Every morning a member of her family is there to feed her breakfast, another is there to feed her lunch, and yet another takes the evening meal.

Perhaps our society is one that has a greater need for the facility of sanctioned euthanasia than others. Over stretched and underpaid staff can not ever give the care afforded by close, committed and attentive family. If we are to continue to fill our lives with work, travel and independence then caring adequately for our elderly relations will always be problematic. If we can not grant them the dignity of all embracing family care then the dignity of choosing the time and manner of their deaths may well be a just response.

Dear csteele,

Thank you for taking the time to post on this thread
and Thank You for sharing your
and your family's experiences with us. You've put a
lump in my throat - and I can fully relate to what
you're saying. My father's biggest fear was to be
placed in a nursing home in his old age. He died of
a massive coronary at the age of 52. However my step-father
who suffered a series of strokes - and finally had to be
placed in a nursing home because mum was too frail to
continue looking after him (she'd done so for 10 years).
He never accepted his life in the nursing home - even
though mum visited him every single day until his death.

Each case is different - and each family's situation is
different. I know from experience just how difficult it
can be with elderly family members. However, one does the
best one can. Putting a family member into a nursing
home is a very difficult decision for any one to make.
Regular visits, are so important - and regular
contact with family members are vital. Loved ones
must be re-assured
that they are loved, and regular family contact is so
important to their lives. They should never feel that they
have been dumped and forgotten. Also, keeping in touch -
with the outside world - makes them feel like a part of it -
and gives them a reason for living. At least in my opinion.