Diver Dan,

Arthur Koestler posited that the relationship in man between the instinct and the intellect was one akin to a horse and rider without any connection between them...hence, the curious propensity of "wise man" to screw up many of his best laid plans.

DD,

To me there are some areas where words are inadequate as it is a different experience for every individual and or couple.

From my point of view the ratio of instinct to reason can never be defined between a particular couple. And nor should it be.

"I cannot understand what he/she sees in him/her" is a standard comment and displays the uniqueness of every relationship.

You have the words that I do not and it is obvious you are far more intelligent than I so I will have to stand back and let you educate me as to the whys and wherefores. I shall follow your posts with interest. Simple language please as you are dealing with one who has little education when it comes to such matters.

Take it easy.

SD

All posters:

…A big “thanking you” to all that are “on-board”, and comments are noted, be assured.

…I wish to follow my line taken for a while longer; the object is to identify the mythical compass which will offer a safe, prosperous and long journey to love and relationship in a world full of dangerous reefs and much foul weather.

…From the outset I have postulated a theory offering some explanation to the propensity to failure all love endures prior to identification from amongst all the common buds of love that commence the fateful journey, that we may attest to the rareness of that gem among them all, that blooms to a fullness, as the flower of “true” love, (or as we may prefer, “enduring” love).

…We admire it, and are jealous of its strength and purpose. But here we hold love high against the light of reasoning just for a while, before laying it bare on the dissecting table of OLO for analyses of its many parts, that more may avoid the pain of another of natures failures, as hide she will, her truth from the masses, hoodwinked into the broad road of failure, whose crushed hearts lay strewn amongst the wilted petals of a dead love; old dreams hidden behind the drawn curtains of a hopelessness, gone cold in the silent fields of pain, there, metamorphosing into a retributive “praying-mantis” filled with post-relationship blues, intent on devouring the mate once so adored and loved (sic). Let none of us stray into those hot-ashes of failure; it is bad for the children!

DD,

Yes. Quite!

SD

There is of course no magic or mystery about love, but certainly
false expectations due in part to all those Hollywood movies.

A number of species pairbond, usually those where lots of resources
are required to raise the offspring.

I was once in touch with a very clever scientist, IIRC she was
from the University of Maryland. They wanted to know why prairie
voles were such loyal critters, pairbonding and staying faithful,
even when tempted with other young, cute, female prairie voles. Unlike
the Kansas vole, which shagged whatever came along.

They used radioactive substances to find the answer, but it came
down to vasopressin receptors in certain parts of the limbic system.
Sadly they could not do the same human experiments for obvious
reasons.

Given the huge amount of dna that we share with other species,
something like 98% with chimps and bonobos for instance, I would
not be surprised if we have some genetic variations in the human
population. Some would carry the same gene as prairie voles,
some as the Kansas vole.

Oh Diver, so poetic!

Here's my take, & there's not much instinct in it.

He was one of the boys. He got drunk with his mates a couple of times a month. Didn't have too much to do with girls, just the odd drunken one night stand, & there were a lot less of them than he led his mates to believe.

She was a bit like him. She was interested in love, but the only one she had really wanted, hadn't even noticed she existed. Her biology was strong, she started getting clucky. She wanted to be a mum, or at least build a nest to get ready for it.

She looks around, & decides he's the best offering. Gives him some attention, laughs at his jokes, takes him to bed----nicely. It's not skyrockets & shooting stars, but he'll do.

He is flattered, his ego swells, in fact it gets big enough to encompass both of them. This must be love. He'd never expected skyrockets.

They get married, or live in sin. The latter probably more fun for him, but a wedding is the culmination of her youth.

He for 20 years tries to make her happy. Gets the house. Probably provides the sperm for a couple of kids. She's his misses, & he's content. It would be nice if she bitched less, but hay, they all do that don't they? He doesn't even notice the sagging boobs, or the cellulite.

She has the nest & the couple of kids, but it's not enough somehow. The fulfillment & contentment is just not there. It has to be his fault some how. She hates the sagging boobs, & cellulite, they make her feel her life life is finished, & nothing happened.

The girls club show her how, she kicks him out, keeps the house, & a goodly chunk of his income. She must be a winner, but some how it doesn't feel like it.

Continued