Just an observation on a child that was not smacked.

Friends of mine had a girl and neither he nor the Mrs smacked the child. They would reason with the child from the earliest age. By the time the kid was 5 she was a pain. She took no direction whatsoever and the only time my friends would physically take hold of her was if there was an imminent danger in what she was doing.

Social occasions in their home or when they visited others was filled with the continual pleading from one or the other to the child, please don't touch that, please don't do that again, it went on and on. It soon caused friction between the friends who have to cope with this behavior for hours (I was the only single in the group then and the kid could have climbed the Harbour bridge for all I cared).

This friction also settled on the immediate family and the respective grandparents in particular. The animosity over this hung in the air for over ten years and it put a dampener on every family gathering.

After many years of pleading with the child he retired to the tool shed and she retired to her room to read. The upshot is the kid turned into a great teen then adult but the way I see it is if she got something to fear by way of the odd clip they could have had a smooth family life rather than the high tension action packed ten years they suffered through.

It is more than disappointing when adults cannot raise children that are respectful of others and others property. It is the journey and not the end result that a family group can recall as a wonderful time.

When small it can be difficult and tiring and often painless physical intervention becomes repetitive.

Smacking, nagging, lecturing, threatening, whining or shouting are signs of a parent not coping or perhaps understanding their role. Often they have not considered that parenting a little person requires more than being coercive. There are resources readily available that can assist in learning how to be a more effective parent.

The larger concern is the degree the smacking parent chooses to draw the line. The bar is drawn in each smacking household. Smacking to one parent is hitting to another which is abuse to yet another.

Questions like where to smack, how hard to smack and how many smacks at one time aren’t questions front brained by many other species. Some humans appear to have already subconsciously answered without considering the questions themselves repugnant.

Do they first ask themselves what the child is doing wrong that they believe can only be corrected with a hand connecting at the speed of smack.

I’d suggest questions like that conflict with ego.

This is my opinion.

I think we are evolved enough to handle any situation without resorting to physical violence or punishment.

A child needs disaplin yes, they need it delivered consistently with respect and reasoning. A sound mental mind should be able tell their kids what they are doing wrong, tell them of the consequences and calmly, firmly act on it if the bad behaviour exists.
If a parent can't handle it and they crack, they aren't really ready to be parents and they can't say that they did everything they could.

I'll tell you from what I have learned. I was smacked regularly and I turned out to be respectful and quite happy in life.

However, although I love my parents to death, I have lost respect for them due to the emotional instability I witnessed as a child. I see them as mentally weak and I am the one who made me the way I am today not them. I think if they approached my naughty behaviour with reason and consistent consequences in a rational way, I would be the same person.
I see yelling at kids and hitting them as weak willed. Kids can see that too.

One child can have the same upbringing as onother and still turn out to be completely different. Why is that? One parent would say smacking is efective and another would say not. People are not born blank, parents don't make their kids, they just have the privlege of helping them out in life.
A parent who believes that they are bigger, therefor better than their kids misses out on a measure of respect from their kids, whether they say it or not.

Smacking is an easy way out. I think it is an effective way to produce the desired result in half time. I think treating kids with respect is more important.

Sticking to your guns and not giving into a child winging or pleading is a way to undo the hard work and start all over.

Proponents of smacking don't understand that violence against children doesn't elicit respect from them, only fear.

If you want your child to fear you, hit them.

If you want your child to respect you, respect them and don't hit them. They can still quite easily be disciplined and punished for their bad behaviour without you teaching them that violence is a valid form of communication.

Hmm

Bummer... I meant

*Not sticking to your guns and giving into a child winging or pleading is a way to undo the hard work and start all over*

I was smacked as a child to a fairly late age and I don’t remember gaining any respect for my parents when they did it. On the contrary, I can remember instinctively feeling that what they had done made them just as bad as me. I never viewed their smacks as a desire to teach me right from wrong, but as a way of venting their frustration with me. They only stopped the smacking because I started hitting back.

Of course, a quick sting on the bum is sometimes necessary for very young children who need a shock because of the potential danger of what they’re doing. But once they hit an age where they’re going to remember the smacks, it’s time to stop.

SoG,

I suspect the problem with the parents you knew wasn’t necessarily that they didn’t smack, but that they made the mistake of trying to reason with a child. There’s a pretty big grey area in between smacking and reasoning.

In my early 20’s, I dated a woman who had a three year old son. She used to try to reason with him until I pointed out how ridiculous that was and suggested that she start sending him to his room or sending him to bed early.

At first, it took a lot of reassuring her while we listened to him scream in his room for an hour straight, but by the time he was four, he was one of the most pleasant and obedient children I knew of.