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The Forum > General Discussion > Relationships and Phyical Abuse

Relationships and Phyical Abuse

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Thanks for that Pynchme :)

'Septic has not proved his malicious case at all- so I am not worried that he feels he can have a dig at my professional capacity.

In actual fact 'septic, I wasn't speaking as a nurse when I commented on your biased opinions at all.

I will comment now as a nurse though.
I have said before, and I will continue to say, I have patched up many more female victims of male violence, and male versus male violence victims that I care to remember.

Which hospitals are all these male victims of female violence going to? It does happen, but it isn't that common.

Seriously though, what does it matter who is doing who to whom?
Violence is violence, and it should all be treated seriously and punished severely. We live in a violent world unfortunately.
Posted by suzeonline, Friday, 22 January 2010 11:49:52 PM
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Dear henyak,

The mistake you made was arguing with your wife
when you saw how determined she was to be
right.

As Ogden Nash wrote:

"To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up!"

Seriously though, there are many causes for divorce,
each case is different and physical, sexual or
emotional abuse is only one of the reasons given by
divorce lawyers as to why people leave their marriages.

I came across the following website:

http://www.divorcereform.org/cau.html

it lists the oterh reasons as being:

1) Failed expectations or unmet needs.
2) Addictions or substance abuse.
3) Poor communication.
4) Financial problems (especially for young marrieds).
5) Lack of commitment to the marriage.
6) A dramatic change of priorities.
7) Infidelity.
8) lack of conflict resolution skills.

The reasons are as individual as each marriage
and the reasons why people make the commitment to
get married in the first place. Some people simply
"get tired" of each other. One example that was
giving was that the husband said he -
simply wanted to be able to fart in peace.
A woman claimed she couldn't take her husband
picking his nose any more - to each his/her - own.

Different strokes for different folks.
One size does not fit all.
Posted by Foxy, Saturday, 23 January 2010 12:24:27 PM
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Henyak
Bottom line is we all choose our partners - perhaps your wife is angry because she feels for your friend and has taken on the injustice (we all do that sometimes when friends or family are concerned).

People tend to talk about these issues with the tinted glasses of their own worst experiences and for ever more paint broad brush strokes of generalisation overall - from both sides of the gender divide.

You won't get an unbiased debate about women on OLO but Suzieonline has it right. Matters of violence, abuse or neglect should be dealt with regardless of gender. It is not a gender issue it is a people issue IMO. I just won't pretend that there are queues of men lining up in casualty like Suzie mentioned after being abused violently by their wives
Posted by pelican, Sunday, 24 January 2010 4:01:33 PM
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pelican I don't think any of the regular male posters are claiming that "there are queues of men lining up in casualty like Suzie mentioned after being abused violently by their wives"

It's generally agreed that women suffer physical harm at greater rates than women - that's the difference from the strength factor.

There is a big difference between claiming that the severity of injury between the genders is the same and objecting to the often repeated claims that males are responsible for the overwhelming majority of physical DV. I had written more but it looked to much like a rant.

henyak for your own knowledge it's worth a look at some of the material on the RADAR site http://www.mediaradar.org/research.php#waj - they are an advocacy site so don't expect a neutral coverage of the topic but I've yet to see any collection of material which does seem to be genuinely neutral on the topic.

It's an issue which involves a lot of baggage for a lot of people and which can be very complex, researchers can to some extent count the prevalence of certain physical activities, what's harder to measure is the context in which they occur. How do we measure the harm done my years of negative comments by one partner about the other compared to physical abuse (regardless of which gender does what). It's hard to measure the non-physical impacts of physical violence on people, most DV does not result in serious physical harm but does do real harm in other ways.

The point made by Pelican and others "It is not a gender issue it is a people issue" is spot on.

R0bert
Posted by R0bert, Sunday, 24 January 2010 8:21:57 PM
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Pelican:"I just won't pretend that there are queues of men lining up in casualty like Suzie mentioned after being abused violently by their wives"

But there are long queues of children who are looking for help after being beaten or abused by their mother and there aren't any long queues of women doing so after being beaten up by their hubands. The vast majority of those who are happen to be Aboriginal and the vast majority of the non-Aboriginals are in dire poverty. The middle-class "princesses" posting here have never experienced abuse or DV and are unlikely ever to do so, but they're very keen to jump on the victim bandwagon; "look at me, look at me".

The ABS, AIC, Police and Court figures, as opposed to silly Suzie's anecdotes, show clearly that the rate of victimisation in both genders is quite low, although men are more likely to experience violence overall (about twice the rate, according to the ABS).

The original post asked about victimisation rates. Once the grrrrls realised they couldn't debate the figures (because they're both recent and the most comprehensive to date) we started seeing the straw men and the anecdotes and "I'm a nurse, I should know" and finally, "It should be about everyone", when it was "all about women" until their case fell apart. It's been the same every time a discussion like this has been held.

Quite pathetically hypocritical and completely intellectually bereft.

If the female posters here represent the "professionals" charged with finding a way to solve this problem, it's no bloody wonder we're getting nowhere fast.
Posted by Antiseptic, Monday, 25 January 2010 7:42:44 AM
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RObert
You are one of the more balanced male posters on here. Thank you. We have to get away from gender and focuss on the acts.

Antiseptic
You lose a lot of your moral or considered thoughts when using terms like middle class princesses so I won't be drawn into debate with you.

No-one on here is saying that women don't abuse or neglect children - we never have. You are the one that promulgates the negative view of women without ever acknowledging that men also perpetrate violence, abuse or neglect. If you were a women arguing so vehmently about men you would be painted as a most ardent dogmatic feminist - you are the male version of the hairy armpit stereotype.

Don't lose the woods for the trees.
Posted by pelican, Monday, 25 January 2010 9:06:27 AM
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