I have recently had to come to terms with the fact my sister has just announced to the family her 20 year old son is gay.As with many families of gay people the thought was always there.The greatest shock has been hearing about the pain and suffering my sister hid from everyone for many years, with regard to the hell both herself and her son went through since he told her in a letter when he was 16 years old.He chose not to confide in his father,also for many years, until he felt ready. My sister respected that decision.This hell included many hysterical crying fits from her son as he realised he was different to his peers.
Hysterical crying fits from my sister who had to come to terms with the fact her only son who she adores was gay. She hid it all, including bullying at school and exclusion from friends etc because she felt it was too soon to talk about it, incase it was a phase.I believe he even thought about taking his own life at one point. Now he is 20 he feels able to live with the fact his extended family all know and he is happy for his mother to talk about everything.
Thankfully he has come through the other side and is a well adjusted,clever and talented young man with a great future ahead of him. We are still a close family, although I believe my nephew has plans of his own, so we may not see as much of him as we would like.
My main point is how on earth could anyone honestly believe men or women have a choice as to whether they are gay. It may not have come knocking at my own door, but it has certainly taken a walk on my path and I can honestly say my heart goes out to all gay people.I wish them true peace and happiness. Above all I wish them the ability to loose any bitterness they may feel towards people who just cannot, or will not, try to understand.

SPYOUT

You tell a moving story and then write
'My main point is how on earth could anyone honestly believe men or women have a choice as to whether they are gay. '

I know a woman who had a number of kids. She was abused as a child and then decided in her 50's that she was a man hater. She is now in a lesbian situation. How could you possibly say this was not her choice?

Logic also says that if homosexuality is not a choice then pedophile is also not a choice or adultery is not a choice.

I sympathize with you and your sister and her son. However your emotional state seems to be getting in the way of reason. No doubt their are many factors that has led to your nephew choosing this lifestyle however ultimately it is a choice.

runner: "I know a woman who had a number of kids. She was abused as a child and then decided in her 50's that she was a man hater. She is now in a lesbian situation. How could you possibly say this was not her choice?"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Begging_the_question : "the proposition to be proved is assumed implicitly or explicitly in one of the premises".

SPKOUT

Welcome to the forum.

You start with a most eloquent and painful post. I hope that your words bring comfort to people who are struggling with similar problems. The prejudice against gay people is as illogical as it is hurtful. As if your nephew would deliberately choose to put himself through the hell of a less common sexuality. At least we can talk about it more than when it was "the love that cannot speak its name". We are progressing from the primitive attitudes of the past.

I wish your nephew and all your family the very best.

Hi SPKOUT - thanks for sharing your nephew's and sister's experiences. Recently, a close mate of mine's son informed his dad that he is gay - fortunately without as much angst and trauma involved as in your nephew's case.

Having an understanding and supportive family made all the difference, given that he lives in a provincial Queensland city which is not exactly renowned for its progressive or enlightened attitudes.

Welcome to OLO - and my advice to you is to simply ignore the homophobic drivel posted by runner and others who'll inevitably lambast you in the name of their god.

Anything I say will only echo Fractelle.

All the best to you and yours.