R0bert

I have enjoyed reading the contributions to this thread. Although I haven't had personal experience of custody battles, I have seen plenty of people 'done over' by the current system. And I agree that the way Family Law runs is that it favours either women without any from of assessment or the most scurrilous. Men are hardly innocents either - it takes two to destroy a relationship.

For example, I recall when my engineering professor had to race off overseas when his wife literally kidnapped his son, who he had been raising for all of the boy's 10 years. He eventually got his son back - but the toll on both himself and his son must be immeasureable.

There is no doubt that the need for reform is paramount and at a grass roots level. This stereotyping of men and women's roles is at the basis of many of our problems. If men want to be considered are responsible parents - then they better start putting themselves where their mouths are. And if women want to be treated as independent, well then stop treating men as meal tickets and pick up the tab. I loath women like Susan Sangster/Peacock whatever her frigging surname is, who literally prey on wealthy men - they make the rest of us look bad. They contribute nothing and call themselves socialites - yeah well if you combine 'social' and 'parasite' - that's what you get. But then I have to question the men who are stupid enough to marry them as well.

Sorry, bit off topic, but the Rose Hancocks and the idiots who marry them really get up my nose.

Back on topic, R0bert, I am glad the links I provided above work and will keep on reading this thread. If I find anything worthy to contribute I will do so.

Ciao

Residency and Access are now called Shared Parenting. The people choses these words because they are softer and less harsh.

FACT: Men and women have babies if they have enough sex. Men and women might not want to stay with each other for the rest of their life. The children have no choice in the matter. They are stuck with their mum and dad whether they like itornot.
Get the grief, anger and resentment out of our lives, we all go through it. I do not consider just because my ex earns over $300k that I should get the amount they tell me I am entitled to. I have worked out how much it costs to look after children annually and halved it. Because he wants to keep them in Private schooling, I have mediated that he pays for all costs associated with that and other things that have been normal in predivorce. I have the right to acquire a life and monetary security as a single mother and not be responsiblefor the whole upbringing of our children. He is able to be promoted and travel due to not having the children full time. I am not and that has beentaken into account that for the next 6 years I am the main carer of our children and my career has limitations due to this. Apart from beneficiaries and a few other things it isdone with. I dont have to speak to him or see him, we cantstand the sight of each other. It is possible and now it is made so because of the new laws.P.S: He has no intention of paying and I know this but it is a debt incurred for the rest of his life and his new wifes life. There will be money for the children in the future and that is something for them. I am too proud to not succeed in life so his money was never the point. This is what divorced people must realise it isnt the money that drives you.

alphafemale, shared parenting is a very specific type of residency. Not a general term to describe all residency/access arrangements.

It's one where both parents share as far as possible all aspects of parenting their children. One where the children get to learn the lessons that both parents are able to teach them and both parents get the joys and pains of being a parent. If done well both also get a chance to have a life in their downtime.

It's sad that you and your ex can't stand the site of each other, tough for you and your kids that it's got to that point.

Just in case my push for changes to the governments role in this has created a wrong impression I'll mention that my ex had dinner here with my son and I this evening. We had a pleasant afternoon. Mostly we try and put aside our hurts for the sake of our son, it seems important to him to see us treating each other with respect and courtesy. We'll never be a family again but he does not need to feel torn between us.

Cheers
R0bert

I applaud you Robert and your ex-wife. (Ironic,we try so hard in divorce but not marriage). Counselling was offered but he said no. Our children had severe problems with 17y/o fiancee and dad doesnt care. I am not responsible for him, I am responsible for myself and my children.Sometimes there are more than the ex partner and children in the circle of problems, mainly the new girl/boyfriend. When you first marry you are intense never thinking of not being together. The Stress Scale rates a partner leaving to be the same as them dying, if this is realised it can allow time to heal and deal rationally with divorce issues. The government doesn't allow intense emotions to come into play, at this very fragile time of life, dealing with the past can bring about emotions that should not be used in divorce and child cases but are. This is normal and there needs to be long term counselling for people who are in this place. Pushing them into a divorce and family court at the most unbalanced time of their life is as irresponsible as allowing a person who is not of sound mind sign their life away. It is possible not to be in the most stable position to make the best decision for themselves and their children. The courts do not allow us the time to grieve and talk to a counselling mediator to clear our feelings and emotions, while working on the case over a period of time. I am not talking about the generalised public that can do divorce easily, I am talking about the cases where bitterness lives in them. Counselling for men and women to work on themselves is needed to help get them back to life. No one is ever going to be fully happy, but do you consider divorce cases would be a little easier on everyone if we got rid of some of the hate and anger before we ended a large part of our life?This is generalised and not intended for extreme circumstance cases.

This is where I am in my fight with the courts as reported by the media

Man takes FOC case to State CapitolMore than $80,000 in child support paid to child that wasn't his
By Jeff Piechowski
LANSING (WJRT) - (05/17/06)--He paid more than $80,000 in child support for nearly 14 years, even after paternity tests showed that child was not his. Now Doug Richardson has taken his fight from Bay County to the State Capitol.

Back in March, Richardson finally came to a settlement that said he would no longer have to pay support.

But $80,000 later, Richardson and a friend in dealing with a similar situation have now taken their cause to lawmakers.

Richardson and Doug DeMoss of the Detroit area have teamed up to form fixthefoc.com, the FOC, being the Friend of the Court.

They want lawmakers to create equality in family law and to create awareness that judicial discretion in certain cases can devastate lives.

Thus, the case of Richardson, who after finding out in 1992 that he was not the father of the then 5-year-old boy, but was ruled by a Bay County judge to continue paying child support.

What made matters worse for Richardson was that after his ex-wife left the child with his biological father for four years, he was then ordered to pay support to the biological father.

Richardson says there are more of these cases out there, and he is just beginning the first step in trying to get the support of legislators.

You can see the abc12 report by clicking on the video icon above. You will need Windows Media Player to view this video. You can get it FREE by clicking here. NOTE: Video clips will only be available for 7-days from the date they were created. ALSO: Video clips may play in a separate window, without audio, on Mac OS X machines. abc12.com is aware of this issue and is working with the video player vendor to correct it as soon as possible.Copyright 2006 ABC Inc., WJRT-TV Inc.


ABC12 News Team

Jeff Piechowski

alphafemale, thanks. Relationship breakdown is a really tough process for anybody who was serious about the relationship in the first place.

I'm not sure that I understand where you are at in your journey but if you are still having to deal with the pain and hurt then best wishes with that.

R0bert