Can I assume from the lack of response to my last post that the various people who've been so vocal on the subject have nothing further to add to the findings of the excellent report cited?

In a nutshell, the worst outcome is for one parent to have some, but not much, time with the children. Equally-shared care should be the norm.

Antiseptic, I'd like to know how the wellbeing of the parents varies across the different scenario's. My impression is that shared care should be a lot easier on parents (as long as one is not working to make it not work).

They pointed out that all do better with equal shared care than at lower levels of shared care but I wonder how parental wellbeing compares with sole parenting. I suspect better but have not seen research about that.

R0bert

R0bert, I've not seen such research either, but I'd also suspect that shared parenting is better for parents. My reasoning is that if nothing else, it gives a chance for the parents to have a regular break from parenting, which can be quite arduous, as I'm sure you'd be only too aware. As well, it reduces the costs when compared to sole parenting, although not by half. It creates happier children, too, which can only mean happier parents.

If suitable changeover arrangements are in place, there is no need for parental conflict to be an issue either, provided both parents are committed to making the stuation workable. It seems to me that the greatest impediment is a parent committed to derailing the process. In my own experience, that can be aggravated by outside forces, such as solicitors, CSA, Centrelink and sometimes relatives or friends.

Antiseptic, I suspect that finding the balance between respect for boundaries and working at shared values in parenting are tougher issue's than the changeover. Both parents need to accept that they don't determine the rules for the other home but that they need to work with the other parent as far as possible in supporting some common values of parenting. That can be the tough bit. There are no simple rules on just where that balance sits, it can require parents to put aside stuff that they cherish to make it work.

The times we've had difficult changeovers are well in the past and and were short term. Once mum was out of sight the tears stopped and play commenced. I've seen similar in another family I'm close to. Sometimes when the dad drops his daughter off at the mums the daughter can sometimes be quite histerical as he is leaving but within minutes it's settled.

R0bert

R0bert, I couldn't agree with you more. My point with the changeover was that if the parents don't come into contact, there is less likelihood of any nasty exchanges which could escalate into bigger problems in terms of the things you mention.

Antiseptic, I'd not be confident in the suitability of shared parenting if the level of antagonism was such that changeovers could not be conducted peacefully most of the time. Especially so if that continued over a sustained period.

There is no easy answers to that, I don't like the situation as it was where a parent could sabotage the process but not be held accountable for doing so nor do I see how the authorities can fairly determine who is provoking conflict (unless it is really blatant). Mostly adults who witness changeovers will be involved with one of parents and are not independant.

We've had our periods where changeovers were dreaded. From my perspective because my ex seemed to think that they were a good opportunity to re-raise issues she wanted to push (she may have a different perspective). Over time thats stopped and they are generally peaceful. Sometimes they involve a cuppa or maybe even a shared meal.

I think it could be harmful to children to have two adults raising them who could not communicate well enough to exchange important information and who lacked the maturity to put aside personally differences enough to meet their childs interests.

Ability and willingness to put your childrens interests ahead of personal grievances should be considered when determining parenting ability in contested residency cases.

R0bert