Wendy, thanks. I'll be very pleased to leave that stuff behind and if I've wronged you please accept my apologies as well.

I don't envy your you with the situation you describe. Please do keep in mind that things change, if John is struggling now he may get better (or may realise that he is not doing so well).

Those who won't move on do make things a lot worse. All the anger in the world can't force things to be the way they were but I don't know how you help him to see that. Sometimes it just takes time.

Good luck.

R0bert

Robert
Scout always told me if we had a problem to talk to you.

She said you were sort of a keeper of olo and you took pride in your involment. I am so sad Scouts gone. I really liked her.

I know you did too. I think you felt she left over us. In a way its true. She stuck up for the truth.

Anyway I am going to tell you 'some'-buggered if I want people thinking of us as cheats.

It was simply thing that happend. A email was read out by Antje that OLO needed donations.

We felt we used it to benefit the Animals so we should join. It was eleven hundred. A great deal for a struggling organisation like ours.

We paid it. Were told if we wanted to post as a organisation to cancel Wendy and register as pale.

So I put the helper teck guy on to speak to Graham because I am hopless with computers.

Next thing there were two tags-PaleRSPCAQLD = one Wendy.

So the first time we tried to use our new membbership we were banned.

All hell broke looose with the members because they lost loss the funds of which they borrowed $600.

Finally after 'much 'drama we were told we could post as "only if we never discussed what happend."

Thats why we wont ask for any changes. They members are scared of getting banned again.

Re John . He`s getting worse instead of better and jumping for nothing at the children.

They are suffering and hate staying at his place.

I had words with him yesterday afternoon as he hit the boy across the ear. The kids go to my horses. Have for years.

I put them in my car from the horse paddock and drove them home to mum.

He called me and started crying. I felt awful.

I think he`s very sad and angry all at the same time. Hes changed a lot.


They sneak phone calls to me.

They wont ring Mum because they are scared of causing more arguments.

'

Wendy, given what Graham has said about us discussing our posting history I won't take up the first part of your post. :( I did very much appreciate Scout's contributions even when I did not agree with her. One of the greats in my time on OLO.

As for hitting kids around the head - that is very scary. That goes beyond any concept of discipline and is abuse. Regardless of the whole smacking debate hitting when angry and hitting on the head are not discipline.

I've posted links on other threads to articles about recently released research which suggests that smacking kids is a significant factor in later sexual violence, given that I respect the work of the main researcher on other fronts I've had to take that seriously and change my views on smacking. The case may not be 100% proven but is good enough that it's not worth the risk.

Unfortunately given the time that family law disputes can drag on for (and the long term involvement of C$A) unless John decides to change his attitudes it may be some time before he gets past the angry stage.

R0bert

Robert
Yes I agree. I have asked him not to come with the children anymore and to restrict his own visits.
I work very long hours and I dont need to be dragged into a court by his wife who is trying to get the kids through the week and have them vist weekends when they want to go- but not if they dont want to.
I dont know if thats a good thing either because then its like the kids learn to rule the parents.
However its been a good lesson for me regarding friends.

Not a good idea to comment on how they treat their children or how their children are in general

We have been friends a very long time and this has been our first words ever.

I guess its as he said just none of my business and in time he will learn that they can still be happy but honestly i think John needs to go back travelling and working like he used to.
Thats normal for his kids to be honest.
Mean time I am taking time out as I told John and his wife and I refuse to go to court for either one.
Thanks Robert for your advise= Your right it isnt easy.
Glad its not me.

i am new user 2 this site & also new 2 the above topic.my situation is different 2 the posts i have read.i have a 4 year old child-whom has lived with me their whole life,the biological father wasnt around thru pregnancy or after until about a yr ago.he has since begun paying more Child support & has begun spending time with my child on a fortnightly basis.this has happened approx 12 times{some of which the child hasnt wanted 2 go-however i have urged them 2}i organised a mediation session 2 confirm & set the times that we had originally agreed on-he wanted more time,i increased the time fm 6 hrs a fortnight to 17 hours in that session,he also wanted overnight care right away & i said no 2 this as i know that my child would not want this or be comfortable with this or even ready 4 this at this age & also at this time of their relationship.There has been no major bond formed yet{contrary 2 what the father states}my child has always slept with me at some point thru the night & has always been only able 2 b settled by me.i know that he will grow out of this but this is something that takes time but 2 b totally honest i am in no hurry 2 urge my young child aaway when he is obviously wanting/needing the love, support & presence of myself at this time when he wakes.the father is now takin me 2court 4 50/50 custody 2 begin after court in may.this includes overnight stays right away.50/50 is just not an option in this situation-the child has been cared for by myself as a sole parent their whole life.this is ANOTHER CASE where the "rules/precedents etc" have 2 b altered and seen as not suitable.
I AM LOOKING 4 ANYONE ELSE IN THIS SITUATION-SIMILAR OR HEARD OF SIMILAR.
NB:i am in no way opposed 2 a relationship developing between my child & father-this needs 2 b graudal.a fortnight overnight stay will be fine in time determined by an assessor or myself.