Cotter,

I see you made some vain attempt to find services for men on the internet and you came up with the same as we men do.
The services you have found are either for suicide prevention, or for men who are abusers. Relationships Aust. is a feminist run organisation that only has women working there, well in my district that is, and they only see things from a 'female is the victim' perspective. I know, because I wasted the money on one visit.

Mensline is for abusers, not victims. That was what they told me!
DIDS was nearly shut down this year, because the mongrel females in Canberra tried to have the funding cut, but it is mostly run by volunteers in the outstations. These are good men, true giants and heroes, who race out at night to stop a man from shooting or hanging himself, because this man has just lost his children and everything he owns for the next 20 years.
Lone fathers are not big and telephone help only.

The problem is women like you and suzie who believe that there is this shere magnitude of abusive men out there; are so full of lies and fear, that you try to ram it down the throats of everyone you speak to. Even the Aust bureau of stats, shows that DV is very small in our society, yet all we hear in the media is that it is in every second house next to ours and it is a woman who is suffering.
BS!

Why are you women still coming into this discussion denying the truth about the fact that your own gender is equally as violent?
Why will you not engage in a discussion to suggest some real changes to make the whole issue of DV gender nutral?
Why do you continue to peddle the feminist mantra with false stats and lies about men's services and the lack thereof?

We will never move forward until such time that we see all services equal for both genders, but children being the focus first and foremost!

Come on guys (and real women). You know you are going to get …. from the feminist mafia. But they are not the real women. There is no point in knocking on the door when there is no one home to take the message.

This article has done male victims a massive favour. It has provided a small but important window of opportunity to talk about an issue that society as a whole is in total denial about. It is a long time since I physically left that violence behind and it came as a shock to find just how it all came back immediately I read the article.

I do know the issues both from being a victim of domestic violence and from working in the area of drug and alcohol addiction. Alcohol drugs and violence are all mixed up together. The split on addiction is 50/50 for men and women, and so is the violence. There is a major problem for women addicts in that in some way it is OK, even a badge of honour in some circles, for a man to be an alky, but a women alky is the lowest of the low.

It is the same for violent females. The fear and self loathing I have seen in female perpetrators when in 'safe' situations is unbelievable, but publically they still have to maintain the position that 'He deserved it.' If they do not they are as much a freak as male victims. I wish I could go further here but I must respect anonymity so that 'safe' remains safe.

Our societal expectations of men and women make it as impossible for a woman to admit she is in trouble as it is for a man to admit to being a victim. Give a thought for the female perpetrator. I am being serious here. The services for the female perpetrator are as limited as the services for the male victim.

Continued

Part 2

How are we going to get help for male victims of domestic violence whilst doing absolutely nothing for female perpetrators? Without perpetrators there are no victims. Not only do we need a holistic approach for victims we need a holistic approach for perpetrators.

One of the many things that would help is seeing all the associated problems surrounding alcohol, drugs and violence as being so intertwined that it is pointless trying to treat one without the others.

There is a part of this debate that I find unfortunate. It is becoming narrow. Our failure to acknowledge male victims of domestic violence is in part caused by the can of worms that would be opened if we did.

Is our society ready to confront the real cost of alcohol/drugs/violence being exposed? That the real cost is millions of Australians huddled in fear and loathing behind their white picket fences, with the greatest fear of all being that the world might find out about their dirty grubby little secrets. Much easier to blame it on men, or blame it in women and pretend the problem does not really exist.

Millions of Australians? Addicts have parents, partners, children, siblings and so on. The actions of one addict flows on through countless people. The effect of one perpetrator and one victim of domestic violence flows on through countless people.

The police and others, unrelated to the original cause but who try to pick up the pieces suffer. The whole of society suffers. We all pay even if it only through the taxes we pay to support the meagre services that do exist.

Much easier to blame it on men, or blame it in women and pretend the problem does not really exist.

As I said at the beginning, I was a shock to find out how it all came back when I read the article.

Paw, So again you completely ignore that which doesn't support your rantings. In your condemnation of my googling, why have you again ignored the nation wide victims of crime response which is there for both genders. Because it doesn't support your 'no services for men' dogma? I'll say it so you can get it. Victim services serve men and women, but are limited by definitional stuff (for both). Services for women from women's services are inadequate. Much better than for men, because male-recipient relationship violence is an emerging issue, but still inadequate.
Heck, soon the powers that be will look at all the other gaps in services - say for children - should I live so long.

Since there is no real attempt to actually have an open discussion, by vilifying and bullying anyone who doesn't bleat in tune, I have better things to do. Oh, gosh, its time for my next appointment. Wow. Its another man. Gosh, I wonder why the poor sod would come to me for help? Again? Me being a rabbid feminist with no clue about male victims of female violence. Gosh, Mine must be one of those non-existant services, and to think we've survived more than 20 years, have a majority male Board, and many male members and happy male clients. Of course since the bleaters here refuse to acknowledge such services exist, they are hardly likely to refer men we could help. Better you stick to your dogma? Best you stay victims instead of reach out for help? The 1950's are over and even sexual violence against children can be talked about. I hope you cannot ever get these genies back into their bottles.

Next topic

Beyond Blue has a list of links to services from which *anyone* can access assistance, as well as online screening tools and information:

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=107.911

There are a few online etherapies available including MoodGym and the like.

In addition to providing services directly, Relationships Australia has a booklet especially for men which is available online:

http://www.relationships.com.au/resources/pdfs/books-booklets/men_and_separation.pdf

http://www.relationships.com.au/resources/publications

Men can access Family Law Advice Line 1800 050 321

Community Legal Centres – national office (02) 9264 9595
www.naclc.org.au
(Referral service to state community legal centres)

Relationships Australia publications
On Being a Dad. 2003.
What About the Children? 2003.
Share the Care: Parenting Plan. Collaborative Parenting Apart.
2007.
Call 1300 364 277 for details.

Any Australian can seek help at any hospital; any Community Health Centre; any Social Worker. If you believe you are not being heard; ask to speak to someone who will listen to you (and lodge a complaint - every health facility has a process for that or you can complain to the Health Care Complaints Commission).

You GP can help and can refer you to specialist workers.

Men as Victims of Domestic Violence (2005)

http://www.austdvclearinghouse.unsw.edu.au/PDF%20files/Men_as_Victims.pdf

Information on MensLine Australia:

http://www.crisissupport.org.au/Mensline.aspx

1300 78 99 78 (24/7)

http://www.menslineaus.org.au/

Including information on the 1 in 3 and RUOK campaigns.

Sorry Cotter I'd begun my post before your last one went up so I didn't see it.

I agree completely. Talk about a lot of sooks determined to be helpless and portray themselves as victims.

It's this sort of absurdity that is more likely to drive men in distress who don't know any better over the edge.

THERE ARE SERVICES AVAILABLE FOR ANY AUSTRALIAN MALE OR FEMALE; VICTIM OR PERPETRATOR.

I also see many male clients; I have to say that a large proportion of my clients have been victimized by other men (childhood sexual abuse; rape; other types of assault); over the years I have also assisted several male perpetrators of violence and a couple of men who have been victimized by women and I advocate for and support them with the same energy and commitment that I extend to any client male or female.

If the men here really want to assist other men who are dismayed over some issue - regardless of whether they are victim or perpetrator - I urge them to put their agenda barrow aside for a while and convey messages that actually help people by directing them to their GP; nearest hospital, Community Health Centre or preferred counselling service.