Something was gnawing away at me about the article, but I couldn't figure out what, then I realised. It was this paragragh:

"Similarly, while teenagers receive some information on how to negotiate the sex that they do not want to have (the old ''Just say no'' line), they receive virtually no guidance on how to communicate about and negotiate the sex that they do want to have."

Negotiate

Negotiate?

Negotiate!

There are two principle meanings to the word negotiate, without resorting to dictionaries I will briefly give basic 'definitions'.

One is the idea of bargaining: that is two people working through an issue so that each gets at least part of what they want.

The other definition can better be considered by an example: 'negotiating' a way through a set of obstacles, or a minefield.

To which does Nina refer? If it is bargaining then the concept fails entirely, because in any negotiations the result is a compromise that both parties can 'live with' or accept that they won't get all of what they want, but are willing to accept what they can get.

Is this really the way to approach sex, and preferably good sex? It reeks of prostitution: "I will give you this if you give me that", or is that what Nina really means? Compromise in sex? If I had to compromise, or ask my wife to compromise to suit me, I would prefer to go without. Better no sex than bad sex.

If it is the other definition, should anyone have to negotiate their way through a sexual minefield? Wouldn't it be better to accept Hamlet's advice to Ophelia: "Get thee to a nunnery!" (ignoring that 'nunnery' was in Elizabethan times slang for brothel) and once again forgo and forsake sex entirely.

If sex, for females interested in males - and I can understand why so many young women are interested in young women - is a minefield then perhaps they need lessons not in 'negotiating' but in avoiding the dangers.

So Nina, which sense did you use when you used the word: 'Negotiate'?

Just adding to what Dougthebear said, 'consent' and 'ethical' are emotionally loaded terms that are also not defined. Is the author suggesting that the present legal interpretation of consent in NSW or elsewhere is inadequate and if so, what is she suggesting in its place?

The author referred to a book by Professor Moira Carmody and in the next paragraph discussed 'sexual consent' and 'negotiation'. Are we to assume she is intending us to apply Carmody's definitions and if so, what are they or should we read the book before commenting ourselves? For example, Carmody talks about the necessity for the continual negotiation of sexual consent during a sexual encounter because young women are often unable to say no.

Not arguing with the concepts, just looking for precise definitions and examples. We have only been shown the tip of the iceberg and as yet too much of it is below water, defying measurement and description.

Isn't 'consent' something that you give that you don't really want to have happen? Like a medical procedure? Or in the alternative giving consent to someone under your care to do something?

Getting formal from the free on-line dictionary:

con·sent (kn-snt)
intr.v. con·sent·ed, con·sent·ing, con·sents
1. To give assent, as to the proposal of another; agree. See Synonyms at assent.
2. Archaic To be of the same mind or opinion.
n.
1. Acceptance or approval of what is planned or done by another; acquiescence. See Synonyms at permission.
2. Agreement as to opinion or a course of action: She was chosen by common consent to speak for the group.

Is consent in this situation acquiescence? What a horrible way to think about sex - acquiescing to what someone else is doing to and with you body: sure, it conforms with liberal thinking, but doesn't sound very pleasant.

Agreement about a course of action? Well that sounds a little better, agreeing to have sex at least indicates that both parties seem happy about it, and of course agreement may be withdrawn at any time: but being blunt, during the act there is a time when a male may not be able to hear the withdrawal of consent, or agreement. Which only goes to show that males cannot be trusted.

So which 'consent' is it, and which 'negotiate'?

Another point just as a person who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot provide consent, neither can a person under 16.

Last matter, a couple of years ago two policeofficers were busted for telling a guy that his girlfriend used to be a bloke. The 'guy' did not know this before, so was he able to provide informed consent to sex with someone who had, in effect, tricked him into thinking that she had always been a she? Shouldn't informed consent include informing a potential partner of something that they may want to know? She the 'woman' have been charged with sexual assault?

Nina, will you please reply?

Edit:

"She the 'woman' have been charged with sexual assault?"

Should have read

"Should she, the 'woman', have been charged with sexual assault?"

"For example, Carmody talks about the necessity for the continual negotiation of sexual consent during a sexual encounter because young women are often unable to say no."

Cornflower, perhaps this is part of Nina's strategy - to understand why some young women are often unable to say no and to give them the tools to be able to do so.

Interesting case study Doug. Perhaps the woman (who was once male) does not identify as a male anymore and is, for all intents and purposes, a woman. I would imagine in this case a transgender person has in effect (and by law) become a woman.

But it is an interesting ethical dilemma.

Some definitional debates here:

1) I do not use the term 'negotiate' in the Camp David sense of the word. I more use it to refer to navigating the sexual waters- which is sometimes easy and pleasurable but can be difficult if two people's expectations/ pleasures do not allign.

2) Consent is not, as has been suggested, an 'emotional' word. It has a legal grounding. In NSW consent has to be given freely without force or coercion and the person giving it has to have the capcity to give it (children or passed out/ asleep people do not have the capacity to give consent).

Moira Carmody talks abotu this stuff in her book. Also consent can be communicated verbally or non verbally, but it can never be assumed. My suggestion is, if you're unsure- take five seconds to say something like "does feel good?" or "what would you enjoy me doing?" It's not rocket science and I'm not, contrary to what ppl think, trying to 'ruin' the flow of sex. Incorporating these sentences can actually improve the sex being had as ppl have a better idea of what the other person wants/ enjoys.

Unfortunatly I speak with hundreds of young women who have had unwanted sex. Some would classify it as a sexual assault many wouldn't. But the point is an act does not have to be illegal for it to be a sh**ty experience. Presumably anyone who has any ethics would prefer that their sexual partners did not walk away feeling terrible about what happened and about themselves. This is what the sexual ethics education program is trying to reduce-unethical, negative expere4inces (irrespective of whether they are technically illegal or not is not the point exactly)