Marilyn the meeting people bit is tough. I met my girlfriend on the train and we knew each other well before we ventured to risk exploring if our friendship coulod be more. So far it's been an amazing surprise to both of us just how well it works. I doubt that either of us would have picked the other from internet profiles but we knew a lot about each others values before we started dating which has helped.

Community groups, interest groups have their place but there is also some social stuff around them being used to "pick up" in any context. Men may be shy to make the first move because if it's unwelcome it can give them a bad reputation in a group which might be otherwise very important to them. I don't know how you get around that.

RSVP started running some non-party type activites in SE Qld some time back. Bushwalking, tennis etc. I don't know how that went but at least with those types of activities you don't commit a social indiscression by making your interest in someone known.

Meeting new singles, finding out if they are worth getting to know as a potential partner and then working out if they are similarly interested can be a hard thing.

I suspect that what you say about yourself in a profile matters little to many. How you say it does appear to make a big difference.

From my perspective I'd rather tell a woman that she is beautiful and brilliant than have her announce it. On the other hand I avoided those who went to great length to detail their short comings. The mix that works for me is someone who can do beautifull but also get dirty in the garden when they need to. Someone with the confidence to hold a meaningful discussion and take on challenges when they find them. Likewise a focus on negative qualities is unappealing.

I'm away over the wekend so I'll chat more next week.

Cheers
R0bert

It is quite possible that the author will never find the 'right' man because none are good enough.

Many women have a long list of essential criteria that a man much match up against. Fail one and a polite refusal could be more than a man is entitled to. Many men fail, which proves there must indeed be a 'man drought'. After all, there should be hundreds, maybe thousands, of men who should meet the lengthy criteria unique to each woman. Worse, many criteria compete or are mutually exclusive. For example, a man who is warm and sensitive is unlikely to be the raging hunk who would deflower her on her kitchen table.

Meet all criteria and whoosh, the man is on the railway line bound for Commitment with the only stops in between being the essential 'tests' to 'prove' he is a 'good catch' and is not telling porkies. The railway line to commitment introduces yet another problem, because although the woman knows the 'right' destination and the expected steps to get there, she rarely lets her intended in on the secret. No wonder so many men lack 'commitment' - they never knew that was the automatic default for getting to 'yes' for the second date.

Anyhow, that is how most men describe the mating game from their side and not all would be telling lies now would they?

Contd post 2.

Post 2

However there is another way for the author and that is to simply forget hunt for Mr Right, throw away the very long list of criteria, disregard 'the rules' and simply concentrate on trying out activities she hasn't tried before to enlarge her field of acquaintances. Go out and enjoy life. Do something different, even if at first it doesn't look that interesting.

Naturally at least some of the people she will meet will be men and here comes the easy part - don't look them over as targets for Mr Right, just relate to them as normal people. Put a lot of time and energy into really trying to get to know others and better still trying to be of service to them and the community and who knows, perhaps some magic will happen.

As a reality check, maybe it is enough to find someone you can relate to and who will accept you despite your faults. If he has three strands of hair tied behind in a pig tail, so what, he has to put up with this obsession about being 'tactile', whatever that means.

Cornflower, My favourite colour is cornflower blue :) and I love men. However, I find that men around my age are often newly divorced or separated and really do have a lot of baggage. The three strands of hair tied into a pony-tail is a common sight here in the mountains at certain times of the year (older man/younger woman syndrom). I realy have no problem with that, it was just an observation.

Internet dating is basically selling ones self to the world. I'm not going to say I'm short, dumpy and dumb ... it's not true! Society has changed, the world has changed and in some cases not for the better. Internet dating is like what used to be 'blind dating' except you know a little more about the person by the time you meet.

I just can't bring myself to go to a club or pub to meet a man, so where do I go?? I don't think my expectations are too high, I would say they are very normal .. honesty and sincerity. IF the attraction is there... take it further. Please NO lies in your profile and know I do NOT want to 'mother' any man. I say the truth in my profile (the Beautiful and Brilliant bit was a bit of psych and fun)

*NO one night stands.*

Ooh, I think that as people get older, they get more set in their
ways. Often they each have their own agenda and want somebody else
to fit in with that. So there is a clash.

Your other option would be to change your philosophy.
Lead your life as you want, then have a number of male
friends with benefits :) That's what the young ones
call it and it makes alot of sense

Mally-p

Some quick comments which might prove useful to you.

It is easier to meet people while doing the normal things you like to do or have to do to maintain your lifestyle. Rather than casting around for Mr Right, aim to get to know a broad range of people and nurture friendships that are offered. It is important to cultivate a few mixed groups of friends and acquaintances, which ensures you are regularly in contact with people and moving around the community.

More contacts and higher mobility seem to come from having a range of interests, rather than just one or two, and there are many options that don't require a large investment of time or money. I don't automatically knock back opportunities to try different things, even where I am reasonably sure the activity will probably not be an enduring thing for me. Friendship is about give and take and who knows, it might be fun after all.

You will be surprised how many interesting, genuine and kind people you will be introduced to as friends of friends. They come from all walks of life too, depending on the activity. When the focus is on an activity rather than on meeting the opposite sex, there is no pressure on women because everyone is just trying to get along and enjoy life, a big part of which is enjoying time with others. In any event, most groups have informal rules that ensure respect and good behaviour by all.

There are many good men and women out there, however I doubt that they are as easy to find on internet dating sites.