Pericles, be my guest.

Ludwig, thanks, but no sniffles for me mate. I have had a fantastic life. I have been places, & seen, & done things that very few get a chance to.

A few years ago, at a reunion of a car club, we formed 45 years ago, I met some old friends, not seen for 40 years. Couples who were married as teenagers, & are happily together still. One couple are still driving the car he bought new in 62, that they courted in back then. I asked my self, would I swap their life for mine, & the answer was a definate no.

I was only trying to show Marilyn that you can't rush these things. Love you can find in a week, will, probably be gone just as quickly. Meanwhile, do some of the things you always wanted to. Join a golf club, or a fishing club. Pony clubs always want helpers, as do theatre groups.

Buy a sports car, a boat, or plant a hedge. It may be the bloke at the nursery who's been waiting for you, all his life, but don't try to hurry. Just enjoy what you have, & look forward to tomorrow.

Dear Marilyn
actually there are some benefits to having the permission to be the 'me" i want to be. since being involved in internet dating, I have expanded my interests and grown intellectually and socially. before internet dating I was lonely with no outlets... now i have actually made a couple of internet friends (the modern equivalent to pen friends) and learnt a lot. i have never met any of the people i contacted... and dont expect ever to either... but i have enjoyed my experience... lets face it..it was free...it was fun...it was friendly.... Try taking life less seriously and see how much fun you really can have!

Thanks guys for your input, very interesting. Are my expectations too high?? I don't think so. If I settle for second best I'll make two people unhappy.

I have two volunteer jobs locally (a small art gallery and Meals on Wheels). I'm in the process of joining the local Bush Fire Brigade ..not to meet men but to contribute to my community.

I was accused this week on a dating site of being 'up yourself'. I didn't retaliate but asked why he thought that way and what could I do to change my profile. Three days later he wants to meet me! I DO have 'people skills' (thank you uni)

One thing I refuse to add to my profile is the fact I am looking for love/affection AND a spicey, intimate relationship. I may be old, but not dead.

So guys, what am I doing wrong?? I email men, speak with them on the phone and sometimes meet them. If there's no 'oooomph', I don't pursue it any further. I know there are men out there looking for an intimate, monogomous, affectionate relationship, but where are they?? I can attract plenty of 20-30 year olds, but I have shoes older than that.

So guys, what am I doing wrong??

Marilyn, unless there s something really glaring about your profile it's not necessarily doing something wrong. The rules around dating are messy.

"If I settle for second best I'll make two people unhappy." - the tough bit in that is being sure of what is best. It's probably not best if you look for the same things you've looked for in past relationships that have not worked. It's probably not best if you are looking for an idealised image, someone else custom made to your expectations rather than a living human being with good points and some stuff that might not be how we'd want it. Your article seemed to indicate that's not what you are looking for but on the topic it's something I think a lot of singles do.

Sometimes the best bits are in the unexpected.

Be careful of what you read into peoples use of language. I remember a discussion on one forum where most of the women were saying they interpret a male refering to being broad minded as an expectation of willingness to take part in very fringe kinky sex whereas I'd consider it to be a keeness to exercise some control over biggotry, to be willing to explore new ideas and weight things based on their merits. Both uses of the term are valid and used but we need to exercise care not to assume the worst.

On a similar vein I have the impression that men and women seem to often speak of committment differently. I've not nailed that down to my own satisfaction but don't assume that male reluctance for early committment implies a prefernce for shallow flings (although it will in some cases just as some women will talk of committment and drop out as soon as something does not suit them). There is generalisations in that which certainly are not universal, the issue is really not to assume that because someone else uses different terms or a different timeframe that they don't want many of the same things.

R0bert

Thanks RObert. I am not looking for something I once had. I am no longer the same woman I was. I am new and exciting and life is my adventure. I can't act my age as I don't know my age. I can be old and wise or young and flirty ... both are 'me'. The old me was old, I'm not old.

I was chatting, a few years ago, with the Psychiatrist from uni. and offered myself as a case study subject if ever she needed one and was told I am 'too normal' which frightened me.

You're right about the language and meanings of words. I refuse to even read a message from a man looking for 'other relationship'. Unfortunately I have stereo typed a poor, innocent man. Because I'm 'Beautiful and Brilliant' (why lie!!) some men may not see me that way. I understand what you mean. OK ... one change coming up :)

Where do I meet men?? I don't go to clubs or pubs, I belong to community groups, my friends (ranging from 28 to 78) are mainly single women, Introduction Agencies charge an arm and a leg. I don't want a celebant relationship but I do not want a fling either. I respect me too much for that. Please don't advise me to put that on my profile .. I'd die. Oddly enough, I am basically shy.

Keep thinking guys ....

Marilyn, I think its a numbers game.

A mate of mine was estblishing his new business. When he came back from a week long trip, I asked him how it had gone, the answer was, fantastic. I asked him how much he had sold, nothing.

He said it was an oats, & chaff thing. He'd found 8 grains of oats, who would be good customers, once he had proven he would service them regularly, & he'd blown a hundred bits of chaff, out of his call book, that he did not have to bother with again. His business was very successful.

Keep getting out there. It may take a thousand ho-hums, for one ooomph, but there is no ooomph for the depressed.

Stay enthusiastic about life. Enthusiasm is so exciting people are drawn to it, from miles away.