How disappointing that at this late hour, I am the first to comment. It sorta reinforces what you were saying about men I guess. The majority don't want intelligent females to join hands in a partnership. I found your article well written and witty with an element of truth and I was immediately drawn.
Intelligence and independence has always been attractive to me, but I am now too long in the tooth to imagine another relationship (there's that word again) I live in quiet isolation and am happy with my own company now, having had a divorce 25 years ago......................Oh yes, I do have a special female companion who I just spend time with every weekend. She's been divorced twice and neither of us want to go there again so we live apart. It's funny how many friends we have who say that they wish they could do that !

Marilyn thanks for a thoughtful piece. I've used internet dating in the past. It can be a hurtfull and frustrating experience at times and at other times you get to meet some wonderful people. RSVP used to run a discussion forum which was an interesting way of finding a bit more about the others involved.

My impression is that there is a hard core of players using the dating sites (of both genders) and a lot of other people who just don't know how to make them work for their own needs. There are others who are fortunate enough to connect with just the right person.

I dated a few people I met through RSVP, and met a few others where we decided very quickly that there was nothing to explore. I heard some horror stories from women about experiences with men they had met through the site but I also got the impression that part of that may have been about looking for the wrong things. What sounds to good to be true often is.

I think I grew through spending time with women from outside of the groups I'd normally get to mix in.

I'm undecided about men being turned off by smart women, some maybe but personally it's something I value. Have a think about the how those who push that line present themselves in other ways. When I followed the RSVP forums the women who made that comment the most were the ones who's profiles seemed to be about self centeredness. I suspect that many mistook a dislike of self centerdness for men being intimidated by successfull women. Some seemed to be looking for alpha males and at the same time emphasising that they expected to call the shots.

Some men will be looking for quick flings, others won't want to make promises that they are not sure they can keep up front. I don't know if that results in a lesser committment to a relationship once it's entered into but the language may be different.

Good luck in your search.

R0bert

Marilyn - couldn't agree with you more about the trials of Internet dating. Over the last 10 years it's really become the norm for seeking out dates, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the best or most successful way of meeting people. It's just times have changed for us.

About 6 years ago a friend of ours had similar experiences in trying to meet suitable 'friends'. He had the great idea of creating a symbol that would be readily recognisable by other like minded Singles and that's how the SHI Symbol was born. Check it out if you get a moment, see the variety of ways it can be used/seen and you'll see it's stylish, classy and people who ARE Single and Happy and Interested (hence the SHI) will be equally happy to recognize you are too if you are wearing or using one as well. It just takes the guessing out of working out who is or isn't single. (It's thought of as the opposite to wearing a wedding band that tends to signify you are taken). It works for ALL Singles from 16-80 and has the ability to be recognized worldwide due to the Venus/Mars combination used in the design. I'm telling you all this because there are plenty of ways to meet people in your EVERYDAY LIFE activities, and when you least expect them eg walking to work, walking your dog in the park, Uni library and so on.

Speed dating, internet dating, dinner for sixes and so on all have their places. Don't give up on the Internet Dating, it's just that SHI Symbol can just help you maximise your opportunities for meeting people when you're offline - which is most of the time! As Robert commented- along the lines of - when he started to mix with people outside his normal group, that's when you start to meet more 'possiblities' - that's what it's all about. It will happen, you just need to make every opportunity count in whatever way you can.

Perhaps you are asking too much, from too little, Marilyn. I don't know how many you can meet on the net, or if you can find love in a resume.

I had known, probably, a couple of thousand young ladies, when at 21 I first found love. Through the flashing lights there was a problem. I was booked to go to the UK, to race cars, & all she wanted was a house, & kids. After 4 or 5 months, the letters petered out. I hope she had her kids.

Seven years later, after I'd met a thousand more, I was in Sydney, [not a world champion], getting a yacht ready to sail to the Carolines, when it happened again. Sky rockets, bells, & whistles all going off, I was in love. With, would you believe, a ballet choreographer, who was going to the USA, for a years study. This time the letters did not stop, & 2 years later we were together in Sydney. But I had a contract in the Marianas & she had a season on Londons west end. This time there were no letters.

Seven years & a thousand more ladies, I met one who had sailed half way around the world. No bells, & whistles, but great warmth, & a year later we had, ridiculously, moved ashore & started raising kids.

25 years later, with the kids all moved to the big smoke, the grand kids started. She could not stand the distance, & had to move closer. I have 20 acres, with 1 bird, 1 cat, 2 dogs, & 3 horses left behind by the kids. I have my 32 year old sports car, & a 20 year old ute to to the horse float, & a few friends.

I don't expect any more ladies, I don't know if I have anything left to offer one, & I certainly won't go hunting one, on the net. Love is not a cerebral thing, if it finds you great, but looking for it will just make you unhappy.

Now that's real wisdom.

>>Love. If it finds you, great. But looking for it will just make you unhappy.<<

I hope you don't mind, Hasbeen, I've shifted the punctuation a little, to turn it into a motto that everyone should copy carefully onto the flyleaf of their life.

As a middle-aged long-time single male, I’ve never even for a moment considered internet dating.

“Love. If it finds you, great. But looking for it will just make you unhappy.”

Yerp. That’s been in my ‘flyleaf’ for a couple of decades now.

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Thanks for sharing your potted life history Hasbeen. It gave this hard old bugger a dose of soggy eyeballs and sniffles.