From Erin Pizzey, Founder Of The Movement And Author Of The First Modern Book About Domestic Violence

http://www.familytx.org/research/articles/PizzyLetter.html

An Open Letter To Women In The Domestic Violence Movement
excerpt

There is now an established domestic violence industry which fears any acknowledgment of the well established scientific fact (my own research and many many others) that women can be as violent as men with their intimate partners and are not always the victim or acting only in self-defense.

After all, not only is it our brothers, fathers, and friends who are being abused, by not helping men, we're not helping women who are having trouble dealing with their own violence against their partners and against their children. Because we too easily accept such violence against men, we are not dealing as effectively as we could with child abuse, where women constitute the primary perpetrators. Our acceptance of womens' violence against men increase [s] the chances of both boys and girls being involved with domestic violence in their later adult lives. I've seen that scenario happen time and time again.

Women have the power in the established domestic violence movement now. We should take the lead in taking the movement to the next step. … Besides, we should now be ready to accept what the researchers are all telling us...there are many many violent women. As women, we can not claim perfection and ask to be put on a pedestal any longer, and most women no longer desire that, but to make that change, we must also accept responsibility for our own actions or lack of action.

Because of these views, and daring to speak out, I've been vilified, and physically threatened many times by women in the domestic violence movement. Don't tell me that women can't be violent! … we'll never break the chain of domestic violence until we accept the truth, … no one sex, just because of their sex, is less capable of it.

Erin Pizzey, Author, Scream Quietly or the Neighbors Will Hear Founder of the world's first shelter and crisis line for battered women, Chiswick Womens' Refuge

Silversurfer. I would have to say that I totally agree with you. I am a female and I am so tired of this idea that women are vulnerable and that they are all victims. Rubbish. Women can be and are just as aggressive and violent as men.

There are just as many male victims of female abuse than female victims of male abuse. Only difference is that not to many people have sympathy, believe, or care about the men.

It should be equal.

Ros:

"Sorry, having an AVO/RVO taken out against you, is a very poor indicator of whether anyone is violent or not, as you should know. Most are obtained though a sausage machine like process where the substance of allegations is rarely properly tested. And in any case, I have never been found guilty of any offence, so Garra and Snuffkin, stick that up you misandrist jumpers."

I note you didn't answer the question. Not guilty because you haven't committed offences or because you haven't been caught? Your posts seethe with aggro, mate.

Silversurfer:

I read Sarantakos' article, and while he does indeed point to some inherent biases in some DV research, he falls foul of his own argument by cherrypicking examples from the vast bulk of DV research to support his own spurious agenda. Further, he simply ignores the huge corpus of anthropological, sociological, psychological, historical and even biological research that clearly demonstrates the masculine tendency to violence in all cultures and throughout history.

While I'm not arguing that female violence does not exist, I reject strongly the patently false claims made by those who try and make the case that men and women suffer from domestic violence equally. This pretence is offensive and dangerous because it represents an organised effort by a small minority of men to deny our gender's overwhelming collective responsibility for human violence, whether it be in the home, on the football field or in warfare.

Also, you make the claim that "When DV shelters have opened in Australia they were full of such men and their children, but they have been closed down - no doubt because of gender policies." Evidence, please?

Jolanda:

"There are just as many male victims of female abuse than female victims of male abuse. Only difference is that not to many people have sympathy, believe, or care about the men."

This is just plain incorrect. Yes, there is a small percentage of DV victims who are men, but this doesn't discount the unfortunate fact that in terms of incidence, prevalence and degree, DV is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men against women.

Garra. Domestive Violence is one type of abuse. There are many ways to abuse!. We shouldn't just focus on physical abuse. Psychological abuse is just as damaging, some even believe more damaging as nobody can see the damage. Often those being psychologically abused can snap and become physical.

I dont believe too many men are going to go out to get a domestic violence order against a woman even if they are in a violent relationship with a woman because of the fact that chances are nobody will believe him and he will be seen as being weak and "not a man".

Maybe men do resort to physical violence more than women, maybe not. Both men and women are good at justifying their actions. It really doesn't matter. Whilst so much attention is being spent pointing the finger, nothing positive happens.

Lets stop this blame game and agree that both men and women can suffer from abuse and depending on the situation both men and women can become violent. The problem has to be addressed as adult relationship and behavioural problem - not just a "male violence problem".

This is my story – if I am to believe some of the posts to this forum my ex husband was only acting in self defence when I committed the following heinous crimes of violence:

Cutting my hair too short. This infraction led to my fractured skull. The rest are in no particular order;
.
Not washing his favourite clothes when he demanded.

Not paying him enough attention when bathing, feeding, dressing or generally caring for my children or performing domestic chores.

Wanting to go out with my girlfriends from work.

Talking to other people (male or female) at social functions.

If I did manage to go out with my friends; returning 10 whole minutes after midnight – never mind that he went out whenever and for as long as he liked.

Not cooking his food to his exact specifications.

Buying food instead of his cigarettes/alcohol.

Not wanting to have sex after he had struck or verbally abused me. (I believe this is referred to as ‘withholding sex’ and is apparently a form of abuse).

I could recall more but this is very regressive and painful for me to recount.

I would like to point out that I worked full time and contributed equally to the family income. Not that any of the above behaviour is justifiable even if I was a house wife.

I am only 165 cm tall and of slim build - an open-handed slap from my EX would knock me to the ground. Yes, he liked to lecture me on how he used an open hand as opposed to his fist. This made it all right apparently.

I have never hit or struck anyone – least of all my children - in my entire life. Neither did my parents strike each other or me or my sister. My experience with my ex husband was a chilling shock to me. He wanted total control over me.

I am describing a man who believed he had a right to dominance over me because I was his wife. I don’t believe that his views are unusual among certain men.

Part 2

It is 15 years since I escaped. This society is still male dominated. If separatist feminists are a great threat to our society – where are they? Why don’t they dominate the stock market/corporations/government/military?
Yes there is DV and yes there are as many female bullies as there are male. But women use different tactics and for obvious physical limitations more likely to use verbal abuse. I certainly agree that we need to broaden the definition of domestic abuse. However, I am not buying those links I have read. Every one on this forum can find a link to ‘prove’ whatever cause they are on about.

More men suffer from violence committed by other men than ever at the hands of women.

If the men, who have accused me of lying and misandry (for the crime of criticising men - I note that no one accuses me of being a misogynist when I describe women in a negative light), all you have achieved is to increase my distrust of men in general.

Instead of rallying together and discussing solutions all you have achieved is furthering the abuse women who have suffered by your hostile responses.

Robert if you continue your search for bad female behaviour you will find it – it won’t lessen your pain nor help you to move on with your life. But go ahead if that is what you really want.

Jolanda – I know you mean well however, I suspect you have led a very protected life – may you always be safe.

My thanks to Garra - a shining light in the darkness.

I am moving on now myself, I wish healing for all those who have needlessly suffered.

:-)