Good points from both enaj and RObert. Both sexes can and often do work together for the good of the family. We are human beings first who happen to be born either male or female, black or white (or whatever). Much better to concentrate on our similarities which are legion than our differences which are few.

Ambo has mentioned anger management and it is sad but true that most (and I acknowledge not all) domestic violence is perpetrated by men - I was a victim of it myself for 8 long years in my twenties. It took me every bit of courage I had to leave.

This is one of the many reasons why it is heartening to see men talking to and about themselves. Fortunately I have managed to move on from that bleak period in my life and it was partly due to the fantastic support I have had from other men. We all need to look at our roles and men need emancipation from the narrow rigidity of their traditional roles just as much as women.

Together we can hold up the sky.

To be a man you must be a feminist.

Ringtail, thanks for your comments.

Sorry to hear that you have suffered from an abusive partner and I'm glad to hear that you are out of it.

How certain are you that the balance is tipped as much along gender lines as you currently believe? I agree that it is a widely held perception (eg my earlier reference to the QLD Health web site).

To the best of my knowledge the references in the earlier post were to legit, unbiased information. Nothing conclusive in their own right but hopefully enough for people to notice that some of the stats don't line up with what they are being repeatedly told.

If men are more violent in the home why are they not hurting and killing a lot more kids than women?

What are the inbuilt biases in the data collection used to support the types of claims made by Qld Health and others?

The DV study I refered to attempts to ensure that there are no inbuilt bias's in their data collection and to the best of my knowledge the researchers are not tied to any one side of the debate.

In my view the portrayal of men as much more agressive and violent in the home is hurting men in their view of themselves and relationships between men and women. It is also helping women who abuse men (emotionally or physically) to excuse themselves - I don't understand the logic but expect it runs along the lines of "men are violent not women so my choice to hurt my partner must be because he deserves it". Leslie Cannolds comments (Humanised or hypocrite - does Abbott have clay feet?) about women opposed to abortion excusing their own choice to have an abortion looked familiar dispite the very different issues involved.

It is not a lot of fun to have an abusive spouse and find no support because people assume that if a woman gets violent she must have a good reason or be told that "she is smaller than you so she can't hurt you".

"...self-described battered husbands, men’s rights group members and some scholars maintain that there are significant numbers of battered men, that battered men are indeed a social problem worthy of attention and that there are as many male victims of violence as female. The last claim is a significant distortion of well-grounded research data." Domestic Violence: Not an Even Playing Field by R.J. Gelles

happy, the issue of DV is off topic. The impact on male self image from being portrayed as much more violent in the home is not. Interesting to see you quoting R.J.Gelles, is that the Richard Gelles Patricia involved in studies refered to by Patricia Pearson?

"Their random survey of 3,218 American homes uncovered that severe abuse was committed equally by men and women. Minor, but recurring, violence was also on a par, with 1.6 percent of women and 12 percent of men reporting that they hit, slapped, or kicked their partners." along with mention of later work with similar results.

Pearson also makes the following comment
"What began as a nuanced discussion of one of the most volatile arenas of human relating had been reduced to bigoted creed. Men are evil. Women are god. Domestic violence is wife beating, and any man who finds himself at the receiving end of a woman's fist is a liar or a freak." -P127 When She was Bad.

Have a look at the child abuse and child death stats, and think about the mantra of protecting women and children in light of those stats.

All research used in this area should go to pains to ensure that it can be seen as impartial, no gender specific studies paraded as something else or other tricks of the trade. For those who have had a violent or abusive female spouse the continual failure to recognise the issue by authorities, social workers and society is another nail in the coffin.

In my life, I've known more than a few men who've beaten their wives (including my father). When I say 'beaten', I mean brutally punched, kicked and terrorised.

I've rarely heard of the reverse situation, and even then only in fictional depictions. A slap is not a beating.

I mean, I haven't heard of any demand for "men's refuges", or other sanctuaries for men brutalised by women. Sounds like some kind of sick joke to me.