The historian was unfortunately correct in saying many acrimonious divorces never make it to the court system Roscop.

My female relative was so frightened of her husband that she ended up agreeing to his financial terms just to be rid of him. She earned more than him over their 20 year marriage (no children thank goodness) and had a larger superannuation balance, but walked (ran) away from the argument because he threatened her physically.
Their assets were split 40/60% in his favour.

I wonder how many other situations like this one happen out there?

This thread has been about speaking out for all victims of violence, yet most posters on this thread continue to blame women for the violence inflicted on them even though they are predominantly the victims.

Trying to blame Rosie Batty for her ex-partner bashing their son to death in public because she must have been a 'bitch' at home, or because she took her son back to her native land for six weeks, is a new low, even for you guys.

I am now asking why the men who have been supposedly bashed, or had other DV issues forced on them at home, didn't ask for it themselves?
Maybe they upset the violent women in their lives?

That being the case, then maybe those men 'asked' for trouble from their violent partners then?
Oh, well then, they deserved it....

Ojnab

I understand what you say. A woman close to me, a family member and close friend, has this 'pattern' of hooking up with violent men. Each time, when she was in the first bloom of love and introduced me and my husband to this latest love of her life, we immediately saw she was heading for disaster, but nothing we could say or do made any difference.

Her own father was a violent, abusive man. His own father was not - he was quite a gentle man. But his mother was a woman who fawned all over men and pandered to their every need. She basically despised women - I don't know enough about her background to understand why she was like this.

After three divorces, in which she went though hell, my friend has been alone now for seven years. At least she has come to realise that she can't be trusted to find a mature relationship with a man who doesn't have lots of baggage about women. So she is doing her best to make a life for herself as an independent person.

To this day, she is constantly abused by her last husband - via nasty text messages on an almost daily basis and lots of slander about her to any and all of her friends and acquaintances. He still tries to recruit various professionals to 'prove' that she is a violent, unstable person and unfit mother and he repeatedly tries to turn her children against her. Again, this man had a mother who pandered to his every need and basically despised women.

This is just one case and does not speak for all women. But I do believe that the wider socio-political climate that assumes women to be the inferiors of men has a lot to do with it.

Make of this what you will.

Roscop

Everything you say about the divorce system applies equally to both men and women. The heightened tensions surrounding divorce make it almost impossible to achieve an outcome that both parties are satisfied with. More often than not, people have to forgo what they perceive to be their 'just cause' in order to move on with their lives.

It's unhelpful, indeed dangerous, to continue viewing the system as biased towards either gender.

Another amazing anecdote...the story of a kept man:

>>>My female relative was so frightened of her husband that she ended up agreeing to his financial terms just to be rid of him. She earned more than him over their 20 year marriage (no children thank goodness) and had a larger superannuation balance, but walked (ran) away from the argument because he threatened her physically.
Their assets were split 40/60% in his favour.

"No children thank goodness" so Suseonline considering the average marriage only lasts about 11 years or thereabout, would you like to tell us what kept such a horrid loveless relationship together for twenty years? She must have been a hell of a lady in bed or were her housekeeping, gardening and motor mechanic skills perfecto? Like with the Batty case I'm intrigued.

Killarney tells us "Everything you say about the divorce system applies equally to both men and women. " Well that's good... all is equal...all is square...therefore no matter how fundamentally flawed family law is and the application of it is, there is definitely no need for reform. Gotcha message.

I never said it was a loveless relationship did I Roscop?

The last 2 years were difficult for both of them due to his mental illness, although the rest of her family, especially the male relatives , had been urging her to leave him beforehand due to his increasingly controlling, bullying behavior.

He only turned really nasty when she left him, and felt he 'lost control' of her.
It was extremely traumatic for the whole family, and I must say that in the end we all urged her to just settle for what she could get, divorce him and get him out of all our lives.

Of course, we could have all been wrong about him....