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The Forum > Article Comments > So, pro-spanking parents aren’t Nazis? > Comments

So, pro-spanking parents aren’t Nazis? : Comments

By Ben-Peter Terpstra, published 13/4/2011

The evidence supports corporal punishment as a viable and valuable method of discipline.

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A sharp smack on the hand, a few slaps around legs/bum are in order when words fail. It's not child abuse, it's effective parenting and should rarely be needed. The reason being that the child quickly learns the parent means business when a directive is given and obeys. Likewise it is most effective on younger children. Being too immature to think beyond simple explanation or comprehend potential effects of dangerous actions they benefit from the immediate shock/pain factor.

Example: 2yr old breaks free in public carpark and dashes towards reversing vehicle. Parent yells "STOP" as they bolt after child, child keeps going. Parent catches child, gives him a couple good slaps on tail, says "You must stop when I say. Now hold my hand and don't run away again". That message "If I run from Mum when she says stop it's gonna hurt" will likely stay in that childs head longer than the 5 minute explanation about how the naughty old car could have squashed you .....

As children gain comprehension and life experience they understand cause and effect at a more sophisticated level so then it's appropriate to discuss and set more complicated less immediate penalties.

Like all correction the child needs to understand punishment is a consequence of the bad behaviour and that subsequent lapses will result in some form of unpleasantness. While some children are easier to rear and need far less discipline than others, consistency is king and punishment must fit the crime.

Both my and my partners parents were far more likely to mete out physical punishment than we were to our kids. However we agree when we did get a hiding (often half a dozen stripes with belt, wooden spoon, switch) it was deserved and never resented beyond any immediate indignity. That's because we were healthily nurtured by loving parents who knew it was in their charter to ensure we knew right from wrong and exercised good manners and respect. It wasn't their job to be our "friend" and it was our job to learn and obey.

Continued ...
Posted by divine_msn, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 12:51:58 PM
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Too much 'New Age' parenting is ineffectual BS and make fools of parents.

Scenario: Child runs to $2 ride at the shops. Parent says "Not today, it's time to take our shopping home" (Fair call!) Child refuses to come ... "Charlotte, no, we have to go home. C'mon" (OK) Then when child continues to defy and starts up whinge/tantrum, parent remonstrates another half dozen times. Finally, "That's it. I'm going" and begins walking away. Now Charlotte is screaming her head off to great discomfort of everyone within hearing but still clings to plastic pony. Parent returns, prises her off, heads for carpark dragging screaming brat trying to kick parent and anyone else in reach ...

My style: After 2nd request, parent goes to child, pries them off the ride repeating "We're going home NOW". Child starts screaming. Told firmly "Stop". Keeps going, gets good slap on bum and starts crying instead as parent leads her to carpark ...

PC brigade will say both cases parent stood firm and child failed to win, physical force was unnecessary, just brutality to a poor defenceless child.

I respond: Which approach a)Will least likely result in a repeat performance? b) Caused least amount of discomfort to everyone else in attendence?

It's second question a lot of parents should be considering. Too many new age discipline devotees seem to believe everyone should tolerate their little toads insufferable totally unacceptable antics. I know people with the hearing affliction, Tinnitus. All say kids screaming causes them severe ear pain. And what is it with parents who come into your business or private home, their kids start acting badly, sometimes dangerously, they go, "Oh don't do that Darling!", kid ignores them repeatedly and they just start ignoring it? Take charge and growl at the monster, or remove him/her from damaging your property or potential harm and they act all indignant?

Jewely and Pericles, hope your offspring could not be counted above because my occasionally smacked ones - NEVER.

I make a point of always complimenting parents of well-mannered, well-behaved kids. Unfortunately don't get to do it often enough.
Posted by divine_msn, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 1:11:40 PM
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Apparently now the naughty corner is to be banned in child care centres. It is getting a bit ridiculous and there is an assumption in some of these 'expert' advices that all methods will work equally well and apply to all children. If the naughty corner goes what hope is there in teaching children that not everything is about them and there are consequences for bad behaviour.
Posted by pelican, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 1:30:51 PM
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I last hit any of my children when my first child was 18 months old. I smacked her on her bottom and in that moment, was horrified at myself as I realised that I'd hit her out of anger. I'd grown up in a family where smacking your child was normal, even into our teenager years.
I decided that I wanted to bring up children without having to smack them, ever. As hitting others was totally unacceptable to me and that smacking came out of either my anger or my lack of knowledge of how to deal with the situation. My kids all turned out to be great people and well behaved. They knew that there were consequences to their actions. If they messed up, drew on the wall, etc they had to clean it up. They knew I meant what I said and where there was no negotiation. They also had a say in what we did as a family, and understood the impact of both their good and bad actions upon the family. I respected them as human beings and my job was to make them feel secure and teach them how to have a life that worked for them. Also, learning about others and the world featured large in our family. Violence against anyone doesn't work. It just shows a failing in our willingness to learn of more respectful ways to deal with things.
Posted by Lazar, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 3:17:57 PM
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“Jewely and Pericles, hope your offspring could not be counted above because my occasionally smacked ones - NEVER.”

Nope and I wouldn’t hurt yours would you hurt one of mine?

“Like all correction the child needs to understand punishment is a consequence of the bad behaviour and that subsequent lapses will result in some form of unpleasantness. While some children are easier to rear and need far less discipline than others, consistency is king and punishment must fit the crime.”

Mine understood the consequences and they would not run off if I told them to stop as that was taught to them before a time where it could have lead to a life and death situation unfolding.

Mine also understood to be polite and listen to what they were being told, to say please and thank you and to ask before touching – all the simple stuff done and dusted.

But I didn’t just become a parent and then waited to see how it all went, I read a lot of stuff and made a plan - I’m a bit strange like that.

Is teaching a child really about all kinds of unpleasantness as consequences? C’mon you can teach without pain, if an uneducated young solo mum can work it out surely most people can.

No naughty corner huh Pelican? Gawd now they’ll have to start using their brains. I see nothing wrong with the naughty step, seat whatever – go chill out type place. The child care workers generally can’t control the other stuff like if a child is fed a truck load of sugar for breakfast and goes completely spastic on them.
Posted by Jewely, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 3:18:45 PM
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Well the dramatic increase in bullying, violence and disrespect can be clearly linked to the depraved Spock dogma. Universities have about as much chance of exposing the man made global warming myth through funded studies as they do honestly looking at the results of the fools who want smacking banned. Failure to discipline your children in a worth while manner is child abuse. Making children out to be idols is also child abuse hence the tantrums we now see in Parliament. We now have young thugs who know the justice system is an absolute joke due to fools who have taken away any retribution for bad behaviours. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I see young brats making fools of their mothers and fathers in shopping centres.
Posted by runner, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 4:48:47 PM
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