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The Forum > Article Comments > Gender-based Approach Misses the Mark in Tackling Family Violence > Comments

Gender-based Approach Misses the Mark in Tackling Family Violence : Comments

By Roger Smith, published 25/11/2010

On White Ribbon Day, we condemn violence against women. We should also condemn it against men.

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Ros:”BTW I am like Vanna, I also have never seen a woman with a black eye and I've spent a lot time in doctors/hospital emergency waiting areas over the years.”

They don’t go to hospital for black eyes, neither do the menfolk. You sit at home with a bag of frozen peas on them, same with fat lips and a variety of cuts and scrapes. Everyone in the DV game knows you don’t go near mandatory reporters in this country.

I’m not sure why the conversation turned to lesbians.

We’re going to end up with IRA maybe - Inter-Relationship Abuse rather than DV? Or violence is violence and we get rid of the word domestic because it takes away how society sees that violence?

Paul I don’t see Suze as having distaste for everything male. The male group just seems to outnumber the female group on OLO. You can’t say women are mistreated in any way without 5 messages coming back going on about how men are too or women hit men more these days or lesbo’s are doing it for themselves. Read and sigh, read and sigh.

Disrupting sleep or disturbing sleeping habits is abuse? HOUEL!
Posted by The Pied Piper, Friday, 26 November 2010 6:10:26 AM
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'Disrupting sleep or disturbing sleeping habits is abuse? HOUEL!'

That's it! I'm taking my 5 month old to the police station for domestic violence upon me.
Posted by Houellebecq, Friday, 26 November 2010 7:35:56 AM
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Some years ago I was the victim of both actual and threatened violence (it's not fun have a large knife waved in front of you, with threats to the privates). The ex claimed violence against her- never substantiated and as I said to the coppers she'd phoned (while drunk) "look at the size of me compared to her- if I'd hit her, she'd be in hospital, and where are the marks?". Yet I endured 3 years (after she left) of AVO court cases (which require only allegations, not evidence) none of which had orders made (only interim orders until the next appearance). Who ended up with a suspended sentence for assault? The EX!! Support for the ex from feminist, man-hating "counselors" was easy for her to find, and obtain. For me? Nothing, just a never-ending round of court appearances, some many hours from home. I believe the system has changed to punish those who bring vexatious AVOs, and so it should've- they clog up the system when there are those ACTUALLY in need of protection, female and male.
Posted by viking13, Friday, 26 November 2010 8:42:30 AM
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viking13, your experience is very typical. I was also forced through the same process, but in the end I accepted without admission since it was taking too mnay resources from the main issue, which was a custody matter. Funny how the DVO application arrived the day before the custody application...

It was that abuse of process that first made me aware of the gross bias in the system.

Each time I attended court there were a dozen or so men lined up on a bench in the corridor, while the "victims" were taken into "protection" rooms and given cups of tea and bikkies, escorted all the way by a couple of burly police women, each about 6 foot tall and outweighing me by several stone.

In all the visits I saw only one woman with any kind of marks on her and the bloke who hit her was already in custody.

It was a witchhunt, nothing more.
Posted by Antiseptic, Friday, 26 November 2010 9:06:14 AM
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Any violence is abhorrent but there is no point in denying the fact that more men commit violent acts than women. On this I agree with Suzeonline.

There is no doubt there are double standards. When a woman slaps a man, it is not perceived so much as a violent act, while the opposite is true when a man slaps a woman - it comes across as being a much harsher action. Probably very simply due to the fact men are stronger and able to wield more damage with their hands; and old fashioned ideas about men being able to 'take' a certain amount of physical punishment.

The fact is more women are injured through DV than men and the little I have been exposed to it via work, mostly unprovoked and usually fuelled by alcohol or other substances.

Men are more likely to be attacked by other men and that sort of violence should not be tolerated.

However, WRD does not accuse all men of being guilty or potentially guilty of DV. The campaign targets violent men, and is organised by men and women.

Equally comments like "nagging housewife" might be perceived as a dig at women but should only affect someone if they were in fact a "nagging housewife".

Personally I think, while well intentioned to reduce DV, campaigns like WRD are already talking to the converted for the most part. Although, there may be some value in WRD raising this issue in the public domain, I don't know whether it aids in reducing the incidence of DV through changing the psyche of those who are more apt to commit it. Perhaps bringing shame on violence may lead a violent person to seek help but I am no expert.

It might be helpful to include in WRD a general intolerance for violence overall and some emphasis on where perpetrators might seek assistance with drug and/or relationship counselling as well as the obvious resources for victims.

Reducing or preventing the cause of violence will also go a long way in reducing DV.
Posted by pelican, Friday, 26 November 2010 9:35:51 AM
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Pied Piper is right. On no occasion have I ever said I dislike men.
On the contrary, I am fairly keen on all the men in my life :)

Pied Piper hit the nail on the head though by saying women are vastly outnumbered on this website though...I hope it doesn't end up becoming a Male Online Opinion, because who would they then argue with?

All you guys that carry on about never seeing women with signs of abuse must live very sheltered lives. Pied Piper has seen it, and so have I - far more often than I care to think of.

As a hospital and community nurse, I have seen literally hundreds of bashed women over the years- mostly hiding themselves away in their homes if they weren't needing emergency treatment.

These women are ashamed of their injuries because most believe they 'deserved' it because they 'upset' their partners.

I believe the vast majority of AVO's are taken out correctly, but naturally the abusive men they are taken out against are in denial.
More women need to be encouraged to report domestic violence.

Luckily, very few men are violent to their partners like this.
However, we can be sure there are far more injuries caused by men against other men and women, so we need to work at stopping the violence- not arguing about gender issues.
Posted by suzeonline, Friday, 26 November 2010 9:52:53 AM
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