I rarely change my mind through discussion that criticises my strong beliefs.

My emotionally anchored biases, convictions, or if you like, my 'world view' through which I filter all information, ensure little change.

I automatically fish for information that confirms my opinion and resist information contrary to my belief system.
Yet it is disagreement that allows me, if I let it, to expand my horisons.

In theory, I know that no one has a monopoly on truth and I am lucky if I can get even a glimpse of it.
In theory, I believe in a kind of thesis (my view), antithesis (the other's view) and then synthesis which would combine apparent truths in each other's views to replace flaws in my own position.

For that I need fact-checking, which I do not always try or even if I wanted to, sometimes a point of view is a value judgment, the validity of which, cannot be factually verified.
Yet such topics, often including ethics, are the most important to me to help me to be clearer about the 'meaning' of my life.

I keep coming back to 'unconditional love', Agaphe, as such central meaning.
But if anyone opposes this meaning I tend to get my back up, that is, I do not show love, let alone the unconditional kind.

To practice what I preach, I wish, I could listen more, put myself in the shoes of other people who oppose me, be more critical about my own position than anyone else, but be open minded about the other's view:

To take the contrary view on board first with an open mind before I form a judgment about it.
As Gandhi says, love is when I can even love those who hate me or whom I distrust. This requires much more humility than what I normally feel.

So then what is the point in exchanging contesting point of views?

Well, if I can learn to listen better and avoid attacking those who attack me and still not reject them and continue the dialogue, then I think I may still learn something.

Dear Andris,

Thank You for this discussion.

Can discussions change our minds?

Sometimes - definitely. Depending on the subject.

Some topics will always be controversial and
things won't always go smoothly, but they don't
have to go badly. What we need is more discussions
where no one is demonized, shamed, and both sides
are open to changing their minds.

That happens rarely. Most of the time we're all
so sure that we're right. We end up doing
everything wrong. The harsh stuff (personal
attacks) don't actually work. It just makes enemies
more vicious.

How many of us are really respectful to each other?
How many of us really listen to the other side, or
try to understand things from another's point of view?
How many of us know that we can't control the behaviour
of others, only our own? We all fall into traps - where
we should have known better.

I've found that unexpected kindness, not restraints and
insults changed minds - or at least instilled doubt into
arguments.

Today to have a reasonable discussion seems
almost impossible. The world is increasingly so
polarized that having a civil conversation is so very
rare.

However, it's all a learning experience. I've been forced
to look in the mirror so many times on this forum. I
may not admit it but I've been forced to go and take another
look at myself by the most unexpected of posters here.
And it's done me the world of good. I think I've become a
better person as a result.

Anyway, I'm still a work in progress. I'm no pundit, or
saint, but I am willing to learn and grow - given the chance.

Yes, I have had strong views but debating has made me see things from a different perspective. Where I haven't changed my views is on personal experiences & observation.

Long question, short answer: NO. The proof is here every day on OLO.

FOXY thank you for your wise words.

Have I told you how much I like the Serenity Prayer?

It goes: 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change what I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.'

To this I added:

God grant me the serenity to know that I cannot change anyone else,

the courage to change myself and

the wisdom to remember this.

My late best friend used to say that the human personality is like a sculpture whose rough bits needed to be chiselled away right until one's demise.

INDIVIDUAL, I am glad that you learn from different point of views, but then you conclude:

'Where I haven't changed my views is on personal experiences & observation.'

Yes, I also find it change my ideas contrary to these.

There is an assumption about the ultimate importance of personal experiences and observation for making up one's mind.

Yet, sometimes I realised belatedly that I misperceived something and the personal experience I swore by today seemed absurd tomorrow.

For example, I could have sworn that I knew a close friend well after two years.

But then I was shocked to find out that I was wrong.

I now think that self-deception is an ever present possibility.

Andris,
When I have experienced something & then others think they, without having witnessed my experience, claim to know better, is where I won't, can't & should not need to have to change my view.
This is the great divide that separates people living, working & seeing reality from those who live, work & see only what others put before them for whatever agenda they may have !