Way back in 1999 I applied for a job as a statistician with a large Australian company I’ll call BigCo. If my application was successful I would be working closely with BigCo’s IT department so the chief information officer (CIO) interviewed me. She mentioned that BigCo IT had a mission to be what she called “a centre of excellence.” I thought that sounded pretentious.

My application failed - possibly because I mentioned that calling yourself a centre of excellence seemed pretentious. Not for the first time my big mouth cost me dearly. But perhaps it was just as well. BigCo shut down its IT department and outsourced its entire IT function two years later. Something about a project running 200% over budget with no end in sight.

Later I discovered the National Institute for Clinical Excellence (NICE).

See: http://www.nice.org.uk/

NICE’s main function seems to be to act as gatekeeper for treatments the NHS will fund. A more accurate name might be the You’re Going to Die Because I Won’t Fund Your Treatment Institute (YGTDBIWFYTI) but I guess NICE sounds, well, “nicer.”

Someone has to do NICE’s job and perhaps they do it excellently.

Then a fortnight ago I received an invitation to attend a lunch time seminar hosted by the National Centre of Excellence in Islamic Studies (NCEIS) at Melbourne University.

See: http://www.nceis.unimelb.edu.au/

Are you beginning to see a pattern?

I googled NCEIS and came across this:

How to be a useful idiot: Saudi funding in Australia

See: http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/32626.html

I think it reasonable to assume that anything the Saudi government considers excellent most Australians would consider awful.

Excellence seems to have become the most misused word in the English language. If you don’t believe me google “excellence” and see what comes up.

Can anyone come up either with more egregious uses of the world “excellence” or other examples of an English word that is consistently being misused?

“My application failed - possibly because I mentioned that calling yourself a centre of excellence seemed pretentious. Not for the first time my big mouth cost me dearly.”

Hence forth I am your biggest fan Steven. I am making pompoms you wonderful man.

“Can anyone come up either with more egregious uses of the world “excellence” or other examples of an English word that is consistently being misused?”

“Awesome” springs to mind – nothing truly is. Any world where the letters PCP now mean Post Consumer Product - sucks

allways good to hear from the jewel
[both of you]

excellence is a great word
for those who excel..at what they 'do'

i expecially love the timming of your new posts steven
[i heard on bbc last night that turkey navy is going to escort the convoy to palistein..

intersting timming eh what...armogeddon comming soon?]
but back to your topic

you mean them same darn peskey saudie arabs...
[that are blamed..what flew planes into the twin towers?]

that are usa's closest allie...
[in the semite middle east
next to [after]..israel?

yes its good to be cautious

but mate...
*statistics is an art..of selective spin

"nice" sounds so nice

much nicer..
and they got the research to prove it

but isnt it supposed to read nifce?..or knife for short?
National Institute *for Clinical Excellence..clinical sounds so..*clinical

anyhow as usual
when i see your topic
my mind says wonder what israel is up to today
[for reasons i have previously espoused]

so im off to read the latest at what really happend
this means when i click on that link..my web acces will again become compromised..via clever redirection by my server..that they somehow force into my computa..via some cookie or other clever stux like bug

but heck..this gaza flotilla
that could now get serious

even a clinical strike.. by our pals in israel
will be a declared an act of war...
par excellence?

[are we being too 'nice'?]

anyhow thanks for the heads up

i will visit what really happend..
to find out..what is really happening

play nice now guys

Here’s a sample of what I got when I googled with the words “centre” and “excellence” this morning.

http://www.cfecfw.asn.au/

http://www.cfenet.ubc.ca/

http://www.excellenceforchildandyouth.ca/

http://www.oce-ontario.org/Pages/Home.aspx

http://www.thecentreofexcellence.com/

"Excellence" seems to be multiplying! Soon the whole world will be engulfed in "excellence."

AND I SUPPOSE IT HAD TO HAPPEN.

The British Government, yes THAT British Government, has published a “how to” booklet in case you want to set up your own centre of excellence.

See:

http://www.ogc.gov.uk/documents/TheCentreOfExcellencePocketbook.pdf

Is the British government itself a “centre for excellence?” And if not why not? They claim to know how to do it.

JEWELY

this website contains a list of “1000 awesome things.”

http://1000awesomethings.com/

Now all we need is a centre for AWESOME excellence

Crisis.

Overheard outside the undergrad labs recently:

"Bill and Ted's Centre for Awesome Excellence"

Yes Way.

Rusty

Claiming excellence has become paradigmatic. World-class, even...

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/worldclass-pollie-waffle-my-word-20110908-1jzd1.html

Steven - well done. :)

"worked tirelessly"
"working families"
"going forward"
"like" ('I went to the shop like and bought a dress, like you know a red one with the like red tassells')

Any sort of bullshite management or corporate speak. Don Watson's Weasel Words website has some good examples.

http://www.weaselwords.com.au/index3.htm

I left my last job because I told a supervisor 'last I looked we were living in a democracy not a dictatorship' when advising me not to discuss my employment (which he had threatened to terminate for being too vocal about effect of staff cuts and other matters).

Probably not the smartest thing to do but it was worth it. I could afford to have a Tourette's moment but many people can't and stay silent.

Humbled means 1. Decisively defeated or 2. brought down significantly in prestige. However, winners in elections often claim to be humbled. The losers are really the humbled ones.

'Scientific' and 'ultimate' are also misused as in scientific or ultimate car wash.

In my community swimming pool there is a sign 'more than a swimming lesson, this is an education.' I don't want a bakery that is more than a bakery. I like to get good pastries and other stuff there. That's all. 'More than a' is meaninglass.

Why not 'sponsored' instead of 'proudly sponsored'. I don't care about the emotions of the sponsoring party.

'Closure' and 'reeling in shock' are also overused.

His hair literally stood on end. Literally used to mean figuratively.

Epicentre means the focus of an earthquake. It often replaces centre.

'This contains no chemicals.' All matter is composed of chemicals.

Steven

When I was in the public service the words "Best Practice" use to make my skin crawl. Best practice compared to what?

Oh and "Transparent". When it is clear that a manager has stacked the deck in his or her favour and there is nothing the employee can do about it because it is legal.

I suffer from pointing out the bleeding obvious to my detriment in rising through the ranks. And now I am glad. I am happy with my life, I no longer have someone sitting in judgement of me and I choose when and at what to work. Which came about because of illness. I could see my illness as an obstacle when in fact it set me free from the corporate doublespeak, B/S I used to have to pretend to accept.

My usual contribution to meetings was, "A good meeting is a short meeting." Which always drew glares from the boss.

Great topic.

the topic has 'evolved''..its now about buzzwords
ie its still about buzzwords..but the science of it is now settled

we have a consense...thus have had the debait
[or rather stop the debate we want to legislate]

buzz word are clever stuff..a means to say 'something'
yet in reality trying hard not to say anything

its funny how my mind was full of buzzwords
but by the time my 'service' provider..uploaded the how to post forum
my mind went blank[but just because i got nothing to say..dont say that i dont agree with what has been said so far

so im going with the flow
so lets have an inquiry into the matter
cause its too big..to let us keep going on this line of thought

there are too many radicals..
who disagree with what im trying to not say
[oh is that double speak..lets give that word a tweak]

let run it past the lawyers
run it past the fukkcuss group
let polish up the word choice a bit

get down to the nuts and bolts of the real issue
darn i feel i have said nothing..and know even less
so lets say we dont critises my sinner..and refocus on your sins

our guy got off
but your gierl is in court
but we dont attack your girl
so why attack our guy..[sorry cant talk about it at the moment
its out of our juristiction..sub judice..but hey look the dangers of overeating..oh no we got a gig on the abc..oh its al right its only qanda

phew
im tired from thinking so much
lets do lunch

got the platnum card..your shout mate
we can use the new printers card

lets get the expensive whine
and have a really good time

anyhow gotta go
prancing as a star is on

This is turning out to be a like really awesomely excellent world class totally transparent thread and I'm happy to say we're all following best practice.

One of my pet aversions is "pre-prepared."

When does pre-preparation stop and preparation start?

Another of my pet aversions is the admonition to "be positive." it always makes me think of Neville Chamberlain. Now there was a positive thinker!

Proactive is used far more actively that strictly necessary.

I think it's a reaction...

BTW folks I cannot recommend the British Government's pocketbook on excellence highly enough:

See:

http://www.ogc.gov.uk/documents/TheCentreOfExcellencePocketbook.pdf

If you want to know how to avoid excellence, how to ensure that not a single morsel of excellence creeps into your projects, this is the booklet for you.

It's also, well, quite frankly, a hoot.

It's the funniest thing I've seen since The Hollowmen.

I especially recommend "What is a centre of excellence?" on page 4.

Dear Steven

I opened the PDF, started to scroll through and went into complete post traumatic stress meltdown after 3 pages (including Introduction).

There are places I cannot go...

Awww c'mon steven is this really a new script for the next political satire? You got me at the first paragraph on page four.

Ammonite your experiences appear similar to mine in the public service. Transparency oft discussed but rarely experienced. I've often thought about writing a book about some of the funniest experiences - maybe we could do a collected works. :)

Pelican,

So far as I can tell it's the real deal.

Which raises a question.

Is the OGC (They produced the booklet. No idea what the acronym means) itself a "COE" (Centre of Excellence).

Seemingly not. The OGC has been abolished!

See:

http://www.ogc.gov.uk/

>>The OGC website will cease to exist from 1st October 2011

Any new information will be published on the Cabinet office website: http://www.cabinetoffice.gov.uk/

All information currently on the OGC website will be available on the National archives website:>>

Maybe there is some justice after all.

Ammonite, I took my guidance from the Introduction and its very useful instructions as to "Who should read this Pocket guide". Perhaps it should be included on every page as an OH&S requirement.

In an age of supposed sexual freedom it is disconcerting to see Disneyfied mermaids with bras. Cliches and overused symbols are not restricted to language. Pre-twentieth century images of mermaids had them unclad.

Pelican

I have often thought that bureaucracy, both corporate and government, is a rich field and have considered penning a satire. Ricky Gervais came very close with "The Office."

Anti

All is clear now - I wasn't meant to read such text - not being of management material (being more of the "stick it up your darkest orifice" type person).

Steven

Another word that has been metaphorically buggered in the average office is "teamwork". If management wanted to 'transparently' 'facilitate' 'best practice' it should spend a day on any film set and watch the production crew.

Filming is expensive business; the majority of people from the extras through to the director actually want to be there - compared to the majority of office workers. While 12 hour days or more are common, there is immediate feedback and one knows when one has absolutely nailed a scene - very satisfying. I am sure there are directors and actors who are led by their egos - I have yet to encounter any, whereas I have worked in many offices (temp work being my fall back when money is tight) and can identify more grandstanding and ego driven policy making in the average office than I have ever in film production.

Of course, I may need to establish a 'steering committee' to verify my proposal.

A fishy story. Are they nuts?

Oily fish and nuts 'cut chance of food allergies'

See:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/8750495/Oily-fish-and-nuts-cut-chance-of-food-allergies.html

>>There is considerable debate about how real the reported increase [in food allergies] actually is, however. The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (Nice) last year estimated that while more than a third believed they were allergic to some form of food, only a tenth were found to be allergic when properly tested. >>

Maybe NICE is that rare beast, a "centre of excellence" that is truly excellent.

The real story is summarised here:

>>Academics have discovered that omega-3 fatty acids - found in fish like salmon, mackerel and tuna, as well as walnuts, pumpkin seeds and linseeds - prompt the gut to develop in a way that boosts the immune system.

>>And they warn that more children could now be at risk of food allergies than in the past because consumption of such foods has fallen.>>

It had to happen

DUTCH SCIENTIST FIRED FOR FAKING DATA

See:

http://the-scientist.com/2011/09/08/dutch-scientist-fired-for-faking-data/

>>Diederik Stapel, who headed the Institute for Behavioral Economics Research at Tilburg University, routinely published controversial findings that seemed to get at fundamental aspects of human nature…

[…]

But late last month (August 27), researchers in his lab contacted the Rector of the university, Philip Eijlander, and alleged that some of the data was fabricated, ScienceInsider reports. In a TV interview, Eijlander revealed that Stapel admitted to faking the data and was leaving the university. A panel will investigate the extent of the fraud and “tainted papers” will be retracted, Eijlander told ScienceInsider.>>

OK, not much of a story. Throughout the history of science scientists have faked data. It’s happened in the past and will unfortunately happen in the future. The usual penalty for fudging your data is the sack.

However, note that the good professor worked at the “Institute for Behavioral Economics Research at Tilburg University” which is part of the university’s School of Social and Behavioural Sciences.

It will come as no surprise to readers of this thread that Tilburg University’s School of Social and Behavioural Sciences has, as I suspected, an “EXCELLENCE PROGRAM.”

Yes, really.

See:

http://www.tilburguniversity.edu/about-tilburg-university/schools/socialsciences/excellenceprogramme/

EXCELLENCE AT FAKING DATA?

Found this on the web:

Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese
company entered into a competition, a race on the
Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and on the day,
they both felt as ready as they could be.
The Japanese won by a mile!

Afterwards the American teams morale began to sag and
Corporate Management decided that the reason for their
loss had to be found. A "The Continuous Improvement Team,"
was appointed to look into the matter and it was to suggest
appropriate corrective action.

Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team
had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereas
the American Team had one person rowing and eight people
steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately
recommended looking into the managment structure. After
some time and millions of dollars spent it was decided that
there were too many people steering and not enough rowing.
To prevent losing to the Japanese kagain, the American Team
re-organised to three Steering Directors, Three Steering
Managers, Two Steering Supervisors, and a new performance
system for the new person rowing the boat harder.

"We must give him empowerment and enrichment. That ought
to do it!"
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower.
to cut costs, sold all the paddles, cancelled all capital
investments for new equipment, halted the development
of a new canoe, gave a "Superior Performance" Award to the
consulting firm and distributed the money saved as bonuses
to the senior executives.

Which only goes to show - that if you keep on doing
what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've
gotten. Don't expect different results.

BTW: My favourite "Buzz word," is "Multi-tasking."

Good one Lexi.

Multi-tasking the ability to get administrative tasks done by non-administrative people.

AKA the dilution of 'excellence'.

Did anyone else notice the irony of Lexi's joke?

It would have been funny, if it weren't for the fact that her description of the American team fitted all our government institutions perfectly.

That's why Telstra could get rid of 60% of Telecom staff, [government run organisation], without affecting productivity in any way.

It also fits my local council, & the couple of hospitals within 70Km of here.

Dear Ammonite,

Thanks.

It reminds me of the old story - where the assistant dreams
up an idea, his boss tells him it can't be done, and
a secretary who does it. However, it's the boss who takes
the credit for it, (naturally).

Dear Hasbeen,

As Malcolm Turnbull told Tony Jones on "Q and A,"
when asked "Will you guys really be getting rid of
the "Department of Climate," once you get into
power. If so, how will you process your policies?"

To which Turnbull replied, "Ahem, no. we need a
Department to process policies, you're quite
right. We'll simply call it something else."

To which Jones persisted, "You mean, all you'll
be doing is renaming the department?"

Turnbull, simply smiled.

Dontcha love pollies!

cont'd ...

Sorry for the typo. It should have read -
the "Department of Climate Change."

Lexi

ROFL

Totally gobsmacked that Hasbeen can spell 'irony' AND use it in a sentence.

;)

Going to write to Turncoat, I mean Turnbull and ask if he could rename the Department of Climate Change (which IS ironic), to the Department FOR the Environment (which could actually mean something if Turnbull boots out the Mad Monk).

BTW

Didn't Police, Nurses, Teachers and other similar professionals get shafted on the 'multi-tasking'?

One day they'll have time to do their actual jobs - although I do believe there's a term for that:

'annual leave'

One thing I love most about these Centres of Excellence is why bother with 'change management' (another great phrase). There are change management officers, sections (in some cases), change management consultants (usually called in when staff are about to be scre*ed), and in many a Selection Criteria 'a commitment to continuous improvement'.

Surely excellence requires no improvement.

Dear Lexi, you should stop listening to Tony Jones & that idiot Turnbull, unless you like being told garbage is good for you that is.

I doubt a couple of mules could be as dumb, or a couple of great white sharks could be as viscous as that pair.

Dear Hasbeen,

Thank You for providing us all with an
antonym for the word - "excellence."

Your post is a great example.

Pelican

So true - always continuing to improve on excellence - yup an oxymoron if ever there was one.

And the $ spent on employing 'change' managers and if you object it is because you "don't like change" (as if re-inventing the wheel is change), people who were paid out and rehired as consultants, the number of jobs I have temped at because the managers sacked too many workers (words of advice NEVER accept a job you're temping at, because
a) Too cheap/lazy to advertise and vet staff,
b) Why did they need a temp in the first place?)

Bah Excellence!