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The Forum > General Discussion > whats the norm these days with relatiomships

whats the norm these days with relatiomships

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A bit of a change of pace this one, getting away from politics.

so what is the norm these days with regards to a relationship.

Me personally, i hav been married for some 26 years, have two great grown up kids and a wife i intend to spend te rest of my life with.

is that normal, or am i in the minority these days?
Posted by rehctub, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 6:25:25 AM
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the norm
[that reminds me of an advert featuring a fat dude]

so i will skip past that image
the typical in any relation ship..is a faith or trust
that rests on past glories and past mistakes..as much as past performance.

its a big early to roll over with a big hug
if yopu know that we are gouing to go back to yesterday
about how i didnt clean the toilet good enough for you
or how i could be entitled to half your wealth..just for cleaning house[and serving your image;our kids]

darn this could have been such a good marriage
but i keep remembering the things you said only yesterday
you think i can forget how much you hurt me..when you found those finger prints on your glass of beer?

your allways finding fault
[dont think i dont read what you wrote on that forum
that your allways writing to]

i talked to a lawyer yesterday
he said we should both get insurance
and that that was the way to make me happy

im not sure what the next step is
but he said lets do this propperly..[this time]
so lets get insurance..just in case you get food poisening

heck im only messing with ya
you take things too serious
lets go mountain climbing or bumgy jumping
that might make us both feel better

i ran this past norm[my lawyer/lover]
and norm agrees.,.this is the best course
for all of us
Posted by one under god, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 7:38:21 AM
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Rehctub, given your 26 years of servitude you and your partner are the "old" norm, ie we tend to mate for life, like swans.

I have two friends from childhood who married early had kids early and all went well for about 26 years. Some years ago he came to me with the news that he was considering leaving the relationship now that the kids were out on their own. Asking why, he said he had fallen in love with a neighbor’s wife (the husband was a "friend" of his) and her marriage would also end because of this relationship.

I told him that his wife was faithful honest and caring but that carried no currency with his emotions. He summed it up this way, he had more of his life behind him than in front and he would not stay in the relationship for the time he had left, he had been up till then a faithful husband, a good provider and a good father but now he wanted to fulfill his wants and needs, he felt time was running out so he caused a family tribulation that lasted for a time but all settled down eventually and now he and his ex seem happy with their new partners.

Personally if it was me I would be in a real dilemma of conscience as to whether I should shatter a loyal partner’s life because of a new found emotional need. Unless you are a morally corrupt bastard I believe ending a relationship of this tenure is as difficult for the one that wants out as it is for the collateral damage visited on the partner. Emotions rule some of us more than others, some sacrifice their needs for the partner and some see themselves as all they have.
Posted by sonofgloin, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 7:55:07 AM
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darn..that was a bit harsh
[and mean and nasty]...i clearly took it too far

so appologise
if only we could taker that loving side with us intio the world
that our friends and family see..[i treat others as we would like others to treat us'...but sadly in the heat of the living moment

we sometimes push things too far

look i respect much of what you say
and this question deserves serious reply

but there is no normal
we each are unique..we each have
our own face..hold control over our own mind

should be able to hold our tongues..
and but out of others relationships

so beg you to take the sting off
any words i accidentally pushed into your thread

its great you think of your family
and trust us enough to mention your spouse

but the words have been wrote
and the regret will outlast...their possable hurt

i was trying to make a point with humour
but in the end found the joke was on me
and await my karma
Posted by one under god, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 8:09:59 AM
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ok im trying to clarify
we all need things...to get out of bed in the morning

we each have the choice..to awake with seritonin[the love drug]
or adrenilin..[like those agressive walkers/runners/swimmers]

its said that married men live longer
this is due to the diose of seritonin..we get in waking up with a hug..or hugging[as compared to those who jump right in with adrenolin[exersize]..that puts the edge on us..till lunch time.

its hard to desribe or perscribe...your addiction
[yours is used genericlly]...we often need to catch up on the news of the day..to wit adrenolin...and these adicts get depressed if they cant get their fix

that is the norm these days

the love junkies have it all over us
[thus the excuse...to never go to sleep angry]..holds its true value

there is so much more to the topic
but we are either one or the other
ie a grumpy thoughtless bum..blaming others
or loving the living..who dares to love

in this time of fear/hate/shame blame..ie [adrenolin]

the powers that be want us charged with adrenolin
cause therein lies the flight or flight response

but thats enough for me at this time
lets hear from the many [ok few]..others
who know how to get the seritonin..by virtue of hugs

its not an either or choice
just like one is either an alpha or a beta

what is important to add
is that as we chose our drugs
so too does good or vile spirit
get attracted to the drug?..we emmit

its energy
as much for them as us

so i regret feeding the dark energy
with the earlier adrenolin charged posting
Posted by one under god, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 9:13:38 AM
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it would be great if life was simple
but its not...[what is normal for some..is abnormal for others]

take the child/mother bond..[as an egsample]
where everytime a child cries...it gets either a bottle or a hug
[so if the child in later life comfort eats
is this too much bottle comfort

or if the child has an addiction to 'love'
them yearning for loves seritonin fix

then we get avoidances
where its not so much avoiding a particular thing
as much as avoiding the pain of rejection..or other unpleasentness

like i hate posting..or putting my soul out there
and that having had 4 topic rejected in a row..means i now will avoid ever starting another topic..

because the hope of discussion..
isnt worth the pain of rejection...
much the astage im reaching with this topic

we are so predictable...so think of those studies
where students were made guards over other students ,labled 'prisoners'..

ya think the adrenolin the oppressors felt..
didnt help them..become like them other lot..in quantonimo

i watched regretfully last nights sbs 10 oclock docco
[hot docs]..'you dont like the truth'

where we witnessed a youth..omar khadr..
[under 16 years old]

being questioned...by a 'good cop'..a 'felow canadian'
that i stopped watching after him crying out
for his mother..[for 60 minutes]

that wasnt adrenolin
but the fruit of it

just like all normal relations are the various fruits
of our various acts...

omar boasted..and was taught
by previous abuses..what 'they' wanted to hear

the crying for mum thing
was after they called him a liar..when he recanted the lIES
he told them yesterday...

[ie the lies he WAS TAUGHT..they wanted to hear]

this single event
upset me greatly
Posted by one under god, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 11:49:11 AM
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in part was what i expected to write about today

no doudt many of you were simularilly affected
by watching EITHER abc at 8.30..[ie the hicks experience]
or the sbs 8.30..top secret america..showing the how why of the other stuff

i thought we would be discussing one or the other
but heck...that was dumb...most of ya possably watched
the top gear for the laugh and adrenolin fantasy..or packed off the raters..or ncis

to get your fix of alternate reality
but whatever it was..it was what fix you needed
just as spirits..unseen..feed off your emotions

totally unseen
[except when they drain you dry]

and you feel too tired to care..anymore or ever again

hopeless hopeless

its not what we write
that can change things
because we forget what normal is..

*is not what tv told you
or what we think of..that what..others say
or didnt say

but heck why bother

bah

im learning avoidance
by experience of it in real time
Posted by one under god, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 11:51:19 AM
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OUG, I can't imagine why anyone, other than a true US hater, would have watched either of those programs.

Anyone with even half a brain would understand by where they were being shown that there would be more truth on Top Gear, than both those programs combined. Stuff all comes to mind.

Although probably excellent for those who want to feed their hate, I would much rather have had a laugh.

Unfortunately only some can be both stupid & funny simultaneously, & the people in the Oz version of Top Gear are not among them. I therefor watched the first half hour of "As Time Goes Buy", & having then had enough of even very clever syrup, did some work, before the real thing.

Even then, much as I love old Jags & steam trains, could not really get into that episode. I wonder if it was me, or them, who were not at our best.
Posted by Hasbeen, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 1:44:07 PM
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Back on topic, rehctub, I'll see your 26 years, & raise you 9.

No I don't think it's normal, but it must be nice, provided she feels the same way.

These days I sometime wonder if I could someday walk past my lady in the street, without recognising her, I see so little of her.

Since the grand kids arrived, she has gone all clucky, much more than with her own kids, that is about all she thinks of. I wonder if my daughter has slipped her something like "love potent # 9", to benefit from the free baby sitting.

Seriously mate, I think you are a little lucky, although I realise you mostly make your own luck. My car club have a Sunday drive a couple of times each month, & I have attended a couple. The first was to one of our recently filled dams, for a picnic/bar-b-que lunch, & the other to a country restaurant for lunch.

We did the same thing back in my courting days, & the girls loved them. The only lady on either of these was my youngest daughter, who wanted to take me for a drive in my sports car. A beautiful blond, with her hair streaming out from under her headscarf, driving a sports car 12 years older than her, is a real picture. I reckon all the others were jealous.
Posted by Hasbeen, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 2:21:48 PM
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Dear rehctub,

Congratulations! And Bless You Both!
I guess these days it is a milestone to have been happily
married for so long. Many of our friends are on their
second and third marriages. My husband and I married
fairly young - and we're still together. We've had our
ups and downs (who hasn't?), but I wouldn't trade him
for any one else. Happiness in marriage is not something
that just happens. A good marriage must be created. It's the
little things that are the big ones. Like never going to
sleep angry. It's having a mutual sense of values and
common objectives. It's forming a circle of love that gathers
in the whole family. It's doing things for each other,
not in the atittude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of
joy. It's cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding,
and a sense of humour. It's hav ing the capacity to forgive
and forget. And finally it's not only marrying the right
partner, it's being the right partner.

And I've been very, very lucky in that - but I've worked at it!
Posted by Lexi, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 3:59:37 PM
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Well despite the gloom most young people seem to want to pair off as much as us old ducks. Pairing off seems to be a 'natural' drive even if the pairing is for a short duration.

I am almost 26 years too rehctub with two grown (well one almost grown) children.

All relationships take a bit of work and there are sacrifices as well as gains. People do change and given we live a lot longer perhaps some relationships won't last. Sometimes people agree mutually to break up even if it will be emotionally and pragmatically difficult for the short term. How many people just stayed married because it was the done thing.

The marriage failure rate (is it 50-60%?) could be due to a combination of a bit more honesty and a bit less an inclination to work at it.
Posted by pelican, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 4:59:48 PM
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Pelican re the divorce rate now as against stats of the last 50 years. The difference is the advent of modern women’s rites fostered in by the hippy generation. The mothers of these hippy gen teens quite possibly did not have title to the house, access to the primary assets, did not have an income, limited vocation choices, ran the budget from a stipend handed out by the husband, and finally but most pertinent, was viewed by the judiciary as not having contributed to the household as the wage earning husband did.

Those wives and mothers in the vast majority of cases had nowhere to go and no means to get there. They were stuck like a bee in amber. Women god blessem now have what men always had, choices and a solicitor.
Posted by sonofgloin, Wednesday, 31 August 2011 8:51:48 PM
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You are so right there Sonofgloin. I believe there is not as much long-term marriages or de-facto relationships in our society now, because women do have choices now.

I shudder to think of all the couples that were effectively 'forced' to stay together in loveless 'marriages' because of religious or financial restrictions back in the 'good-ol-days'.

My parents divorced after 20 years together in the late 70's.
Mum certainly had it much tougher after divorce than he did.

Luckily for me, I am still happily married to my first husband after 24 years and have one grown daughter.
Like everyone else, we had to work at it though...

I am happy in the knowledge that our current society allows me the dignity of divorce in the unlikely event that my husband should 'stray', like my father did.
Posted by suzeonline, Thursday, 1 September 2011 12:45:43 AM
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That is normal , but, unfortunately, "normal" is in the minority these days...
Posted by used cars australia, Thursday, 1 September 2011 12:55:46 AM
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"Normal" is in the minority. Is that an oxymoron? :)

Normal is as normal does (thanks Mr Gump). If greater freedoms exist to allow people to leave unhappy relationships or worse abusive ones, it should be celebrated not dismissed as a bad thing necessarily.

Sure some marriages will break due to selfish reasons where one or both parties won't make an effort but that must mean something and the non-trying partner is probably best shot of in the long term.
Posted by pelican, Sunday, 4 September 2011 11:02:37 AM
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Retchub: ”Me personally, i have been married for some 26 years, have two great grown up kids and a wife i intend to spend te rest of my life with.”

What to say; I am happy and very much in love and our own two children have reached adulthood.

All power to you Rehctub and maybe we are not the norm but merely blessed.
Posted by Jewely, Friday, 9 September 2011 12:10:24 AM
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