Dear Aimee,

Gee whiz. This really gets to me. I've got my mother who's suffering from dementia and a mother-in-law who's got alzheimers. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if both of these elderly ladies lived alone with no one giving a damn. I shudder to think.

OUG thats a keeper.

Lexi, half my clients/residents are people who have either a mental illness or suffer from dementia and were living alone before they came to us. Under normal circumstances, somebody notices that they're incapable of living alone any further and a Government body will step in to rectify the situation. Sometimes these people have absolutely no insight and fight tooth and nail to stay right where they are and they can be very convincing, no matter how demented.

Yet there will always be others who, especially in this unfriendly and disjointed old world, keep to themselves and nobody seems to notice them. Some might call them a recluse, but more often than not they've simply drifted away from society.

Another issue that keeps arising in my line of work is where people are getting old and realise that they're slipping behind in their daily living activities. They realise that the next step is probably a nursing home and it's a thought many just can't stand, so they lock themselves away barely existing and actively seeking to dissuade contact for fear of being "taken away." I can sympathise with those people. Empathy is one of my stronger points and I can understand how these people feel to a great degree.

It may sound terrible Lexi that you think nobody cares enough to notice a person missing after all that time, but it's going on continuously. The only difference in this instance is that people didn't notice for eight years. I regularly hear of former clients who have been found up to several weeks after they've left our care and have died. They'll always be ones who fall through the cracks.

My great sadness is that people feel so scared about going into a home that they'll hide themselves away. These people often perceive (and rightly in a lot of cases) that the home they want to leave to their children as inheritance will have to be sold to fund their placement. Some simply can't face the fact that their useful life is drawing to a natural close. Some really don't have anybody to look out for them, as was the case with our '8 year' lady. There's lots of issues why this sort of thing happens, but lack of Government funding has a lot to do with it. If you're rich and can afford private accommodation in your twilight years, then you really have little to be concerned about, but those who have to endure a totally under funded public system that is little better than a human dumping ground have a lot to be fearful about and yes, I know how dedicated the staff are in those places, but the simple truth is that there are nowhere near enough of them on the ground.

The Government should make damned sure that the old people who helped put them into power by paying taxes all their working lives have at least enough staff to look after them towards the end, but fast broadband, Commonwealth games and other mindless distractions seem to be far more important.

As the Buddha said....... "Life is suffering!"

Everyone, young and old, deserves to choose freedom from society - but especially the old, especially those who have already paid their debts to society, who can now embark more seriously on the spiritual journey of abandoning their material and social addictions.

Most contributors suggested that the lady was alone, but just because someone has no people around does not imply that they were abandoned by God, whose company is far more rewarding than human company.

In ancient times, those older people who were more spiritually advanced went out to the forest (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanaprastha), leaving behind most of their belongings and dedicating their life to purify their souls. Though ideal, nowadays there aren't as many forests left where people can just walk in and live a simple life out in nature, so adjustments have to be made and some people may live even in the city-center as if it were a forest.

Certainly the worst that can happen to one who is fairly ahead on the spiritual path, is to be treated as a body, which is what modern social institutions do. They don't care whether and to what extent we really live, they don't care for our spiritual progress, they have no understanding of who we are, all they care is to keep our heart pumping for as long as possible.

Western society has come to consider death as its enemy, but in reality death is our best friend. Naturally we are attached to our family and don't want them to leave us, but leave they must and leave they want eventually, especially when old, and it's better done gradually with grace than abruptly with guilt on both sides, so leaving for the forest is important for the family as well: in the ancient tradition, parents who lived in the forest still saw their offspring once or twice a year.

Of course the nursing-home and other social facilities are available, as should, for those of us who are not yet ready to retire from society, but the best among us should be respected and celebrated for their ultimate choices.

Let me ask a direct question.

Would it have made any practical difference if she'd been found the day after she died, rather than eight years later?