It's occurred to me recently that there's been a change in attitude about who owns responsibility for feelings by the people of the modern world. It used to be thought (I think quite rightly), that if you feel insecure, or intimidated, or envious or guilty, then it is something internal that you should 'own'. Nobody can 'make' you feel any of these things. The fault lies with you, and you should try to improve yourself and deal with the realities in the world around you. I think this is quite an empowering attitude, and leads to people having all the answers they need to control their destiny.

I'm not a religious person, but I can see why the sins of vanity, sloth, envy etc are considered such. They're self defeating, and take power away from your life.

But somewhere along the line, there seems to be a new attitude of 'I feel this', so 'someone else must change'. The world should fit in to my ideal, and I have a 'right' not to 'feel' intimidated, envious, inadequate.

I feel inadequate, so 'society' should stop 'making' me feel that way.
I feel intimidated, so you must change the way you relate/converse with me.
Those pictures make me feel my body is inadequate, so they should be banned.
'Society' should change it's attitude's towards my gender, my sexuality, my age, my height.
'feminists' should stop 'making' me feel guilty for being a man.
'the media' should change so I don't feel 'pressured'.
'men'/'women' should value me based on what I want to be valued for.

I wonder what has caused this change? Are people, without religion looking to others to solve their emotional issues rather than looking to their god or themselves? Is it the 'self esteem is king' parenting fashion? Is it the greater power of women influencing 'validation' of emotions rather than the traditional male 'suck it up' attitude? Is it the government's middle class welfare state, and 'awareness campaigns' creating a race for supreme victimhood. Why are so many people choosing to be victims these days?

Because that's what they're being taught in school, everywhere.
Little Jonny can't read? Slow down the rest of the class.
Little Mary can't add up? Same answer.
Hard to learn something? Skip it, or give them the answers.

I was requested to stop teaching my own kids to read etc as it was making the rest of the class feel inadequate! My answer? "Do your job then, teach the rest!".
"Experts" have riddled us with insanity and mediocrity, because we let them! Until or unless we take back our systems, and lives, from the hands of these self-appointed "experts", the madness will continue.
Humanity spent thousands of years instilling self-discipline and responsibility in it's citizens by enforcing discipline on it's youth, until the "experts" decided that was "demeaning" to the little darlings, and that kids were just small adults, a fallacy indeed!
We are paying the price for that attitude nowadays!

I'm curious as to why you started this thread....?

Fairs fair..man. Fractelle took a hammering for starting a thread which was supposed to have spawned from another thread.

Just wondered Houlsy.

Other than that? I agree. We ARE in a society now where individuals constantly see themselves as victims, and are accommodated in that belief.
The irony of this is that true victims are largely ignored.
I offer up the D'Arcy situation as an example. Cowell has largely been ignored;-certainly he has not had the fraction of air time that his attacker has had. His attacker/family/their feelings being shown and commented upon ad nauseaum.

If this is not strictly what you are talking about, it IS broadly the same thing.

We ARE 'dumbing down', I don't think there is any question about that. It is an era. I hope in time that that era passes,-because if it does not, we will have cretins running this country...

Hang on;..............

Houellebecq: “ It's occurred to me recently that there's been a change in attitude about who owns responsibility for feelings by the people of the modern world. It used to be thought (I think quite rightly), that if you feel insecure, or intimidated, or envious or guilty, then it is something internal that you should 'own'. Nobody can 'make' you feel any of these things.

I wish this site could play the song “What About Me” as you read this.

I don’t think a mutation in a gene came along and suddenly people starting having these feelings. I believe you asked the wrong question and I’m sorry if in saying this I make you feel bad but I think the question would be;

Why does our society no longer consider it shameful to express ones feelings?

“I'm not a religious person, but I can see why the sins of vanity, sloth, envy etc are considered such. They're self defeating, and take power away from your life.”

Religions are brilliant, they control masses of people at a time better than any law could. Didn’t Kings and stuff find it much easier to change holy books back when there weren’t photocopiers?

'Thou shalt not whinge' should be added immediately.

"Is it the greater power of women influencing 'validation' of emotions rather than the traditional male 'suck it up' attitude?"

If it was women, and their greater power, why would we let men think they also were allowed to complain?

"Why are so many people choosing to be victims these days?"

Victim Compensation?

Dear Houellebecq,

Thanks for raising this topic.

It will give many a chance to have a say.
So here I am taking advantage of it...

I think its human nature to blame others.
As some one recently said to me,"Honestly,
all this hopeful crap you go on about makes
me sick!"

I felt guilty, and in my future relations
with that person I tried focusing more on their
feelings and tried to say as little as I
could about my own, until I realised that
change is a two way street, if
I was willing to "tone things down,"
she should not be so judgemental either.

We should be responsible for our own actions.
However that doesn't
mean that our actions are always right. We all
make mistakes - admitting these is how we learn
and grow.

What I find extremely difficult is when people
are deliberately rude, insulting, and hurtful
simply because your point of view differs from
theirs. But I'm beginning to learn that on the
internet its a wider mix of people that you're
dealing with and although you can't control their
responses, you can certainly control your own.

Or at least try.

Leaving real victims aside (ie. domestic violence, war casualties etc) I think what you say is very apt Houellebecq.

I wonder how it all started, the idea that there has to be a victim to be heard - whether it is race, gender, family law, cyclists on roads - you name it there is a victim of it.

There is much truth in the old adage - it is not what happens but how you react! In other words how you deal or cope with difficult situations determines whether you will be a victim or not - it is an individual choice.

The truth is we all deal with situations in different ways and some people may not have in their possession the tools or means to do so.

Following on from Maximillion on education, this obsession in schools with self-esteem has certainly done more damage in my view. There was a trend when my children were younger for teachers not to point out spelling errors lest the child be forever damaged.

We have become a nation obsessed with self-esteem. Self-esteem is not something that can be marketed or rammed down your throat, otherwise it becomes contrived and meaningless - one of those throw-away words oft used by hollowmen.

The biggie for me is the "you can be anything you want to be" line. Frankly, it is carp. You set kids up to fail from the moment you tell them this guff. What about some realism. Encourage kids to follow their dreams and give it their best shot but give them the means to cope with failure or contingencies.

I am not diminishing the importance of self-esteem more how we are going about it. Sure, praise is essential for building self-esteem but not false praise. Kids are not stupid and most realise that making mistakes is part of learning.