DD,

'he appraised the value of the ex marriage as dollars/bonk, and had come to a figure of $200/bonk over 20 years.'

Appalling. Sounds like a genius that guy if he's wondering why his marriage failed. Ha!

Antiseptic,

Hey what would you say in this world is NOT the fault of feminism?

Foxy,

'Wifes who feel loved as opposed to used are more likely to have a
healthy libido.'
Hmm. I wonder why we never see a man say he was 'used' for sex. Foxy I would presume any woman who used such language in regards to sex has problems pre-empting a poor libido in the first place. She obviously just doesn't like sex, or has other issues surrounding sex, and is projecting that onto the poor guy. I would suggest to a lass who feels used, just why that is. Perhaps if she can possibly enjoy sex at all, she could suggest activities more to her liking.

She's the slightly more repressed cousin of the 'Oh, if he'd only go down on me for 2 hours to warm me up, and lay me down on pristinely vacuumed carpet next to the ironing he'd just done, I'm sure I could be more into it!' girl.

'By the way, I'm a young, happily married woman, in a
very satisfying relationship.'
Um, I never suggested otherwise, but thanks for the info.

'Are you happily married and in a satisfying relationship?'

I don't believe in marriage. But I am in a happy long term monogomous 'de-facto' relationship, since you ask. Not sure why you're interested really. Oh, Foxy, stop flirting. You know we shouldn't! You're married!

examinator,

You seem to be promoting a sexless marriage as a positive thing? You may be happy with an emotional relationship with your partner and a physical one with your hand, but most people wouldn't be. As Yabby said, why get married in the first place then?

Part 2 to my post above, I was interrupted, sorry.

That the sex drive which is a lower brain function isn’t subjected to control by higher brain functions.
Of course we can control it, largely, but does that make it not a drive? We control our eating, our drinking water, yet these are drives, we may learn to hold it at bay, but that doesn't stop the pressure, and believe you me, it IS a pressure, for most men, we can actually FEEL it. Women appear to need certain pre-conditions to feel aroused, men merely need to wake up in the morning. That is NOT a joke, ask any normal healthy male, we can't help it, our body does it to us, unbidden. And it can be a bloody nuisance at times too, and there I mean at any time, at any place. I'm not referring to inconvenient erections, that's a whole 'nother problem, lol, but to the state of arousal, the flash-fantasies, the attractions, the reactions to females, even when we don't want them.
I will not attempt to explain female sexuality, I can't, whatever I may have learned, and until women accept that they can't dictate male sexuality, we won't progress. This is exactly the point I've been trying to make, we need to stop trying to discuss this on the assumption that men should be more like women, that the female model is the desirable one, caring/sharing/sensitive and understanding. Not even women live up to this, just look around!
Lets start by accepting that there are real and powerful differences, and then go from there, instead of then saying.."yeah, but, those differences are not real or relevant, THIS is the way it SHOULD be".

My response to CJMorgan:
Frankly, the attitudes expressed by some men here towards their sexual relationships are positively antediluvian. Yes, women can and do manipulate men sexually - but this requires men to participate in the kind of relationship where sex is a commodity, in the same way that men's typically greater economic contributions are. Some blokes here don't seem to realise that the days of man the hunter/breadwinner and woman the gatherer/homemaker are well and truly over in this society."
Sorry kiddo, those roles are written in our genes, inescapably so, as yet anyway. That society has, through intelligence and education, moved on, or back, to a more equal valuation of all people may be true, to an extent, but it doesn't change the basic facts of physiology. I see no conflict between the modern world and those traditional roles, it was merely the strident abuse of the Femnist movement that belittled those women who chose follow their instincts. It wasn't MEN who declared that a mother and homemaker was a bad role for women, now was it? My daughter(22)is a strong, independent self-sufficient young person, and laughs at the attitude you express, she considers Femnists to be antediluvian, dinosaurs, fighting a battle they've already won, stuck in a past that has faded away. The male-bashing, the fault laying, the whole victim mentality, is alien to her. She and her friends don't need, or want, to be liberated, they KNOW they are free to do as they wish, in anything they choose.

*Some blokes here don't seem to realise that the days of man the hunter/breadwinner and woman the gatherer/homemaker are well and truly over in this society.*

Perhaps where you live CJ, but not where I live. WA is a mining
state, largely based on fly in - fly out. Men put up with some
pretty crap conditions, to provide for their families. They live
in mining camps much of the time, they could be underground,
hard rock mining, they could be out on an oil rig, in stinking
hot and humid weather. Cheques are banked for the family and
they see them occasionaly. Yet the divorce rates are pretty
high for these families. Commonly the wife lands up bonking
somebody else, whilst hubby is in the mining camp.

Many women have also discovered that this liberating experience
of a full time job and family, has got nobs on it. Better just
to work part time, it gets them out of the house.

Like one young housewife told me " I did not get married to
go to work"

*Just for the record: plenty of men want sex with women aged 50 and over*

Well of course they do. As is being pointed out, men evolved to
have sexual urges that many women (and the odd male) don't have.
Wether they would want to get married and have an asexual relationship,
if they knew that is what the future holds, is another question.

Houellebecq:"Hey what would you say in this world is NOT the fault of feminism?"

I didn't bring up feminism, david f did. I simply disagreed with him about what he said, digressing from this topic and then returning to it. Having trouble reading much?

Stop worrying about issues of power. Tell your partner what you like. Listen to your partner when she/he tells you what she/he likes. Yesterday morning I spent half an hour lightly running my fingers over my wife's back, chatting with her and listening to her happy moans. That was the beginning of another wonderful day.

Your partner may not like that sort of thing, but I think everyone likes something that another person can do. If you're not on good terms with your partner attentions of any kind will not be welcome. However, if you can get on good terms listen and talk. If you can't get on good terms get on olo and complain about your partner's failings. You can also make more general complaints and feel greatly wronged by the way you have been mistreated and neglected. You can find others to share your indignation.

I just read "Indignation" by Philip Roth. It was a tragedy with comic moments. The most effective tragedies have comic moments. Hamlet's inventive puns and his joking with the gravedigger and other characters in the play only makes the tragedy deeper. One has the wit and intelligence to see the futility of the course one is following, but one cannot change that course.

Roth's protagonist and Hamlet were both indignant at the hand fate dealt them. Their actions led inexorably to their death. Whatever we do leads eventually to our death, but unlike Hamlet and Messner we need not hasten the day.

I wait eagerly for my wife's return from the city.