I once read a quote that shy people are selfish, because everyone is shy at first, and it's just the shy people who refuse to make an attempt to make those around them comfortable by making small talk or initiating conversation. At first I thought, wow, you're right, and being a shy person, I never thought of it that way. But then I thought, I am quite comfortable with silence in a social situation, so why is the extrovert's need for small talk more important than my aversion to it. I have always seen small talk as extremely insincere. People ask how are you, they don't really care. They talk about the weather, nobody really cares. I only really talk when I have something to say. Am I selfish?

Growing up as a very shy person, I heard loud and clear the message that there was something drastically wrong with me and I needed to be 'fixed'. I wonder if there has always been a preference for outgoing people, and a marginalisation of the shy, or simply just quiet people. It seems to me these days any personality apart from the outgoing extravert is considered flawed and in need of medication or counselling, or in need of 'bringing out of their shell'. Did society once celebrate the different characters around, or was there always a suspicion of the people who kept more to themselves, and it's only now physiologists and medical companies pushing anti-depressants and Ritalin have decided what the desirable personality types of the world are?

I find it strange the way neighbours of murderers or serial killers respond in interviews. They seem to either knowingly say 'yeah he was a quiet guy who kept to himself', or they bewilderedly say 'he seemed like such a normal person'. Now if half the people committing these crimes seem like such 'normal' people, why all the suspicion of those who keep to themselves?

Extroverts too commit suicide. Extroverts too go on killing sprees

I think perhaps we are just a bit too fast moving for a lot of personalities.
Ordinary simple Joe and Jane dont do as well now as say 40 years ago.
One day we will reach burn-out and have to pick each other up and really carry the weights we ignore now and do it with caring hearts.
I think theres a percentage of young people off in quiet rooms with lots of alcohol and porn and with witchcraft and this gets them a bit different as well.
Its where the dark spirit world will seperate them for bad acts...e.g. the shooters in the US.
We always try to greet people who come into our churches and try to make them welcome. It comforts many troubled folks.

Dear Usual Suspect,

I'm sorry that you somehow feel inadequate because you don't feel comfortable with "small talk." You should be comfortable with who you are. I don't think any thinking person is going to judge you. We're all different. How boring, if we all talked a mile a minute. A good listener has tremenduous value, in my opinion. And these days - it's the rarest person to find.

"Small talk" I think is an acquired art. I admit I do admire those that can walk into a room full of strangers and mingle instantly.
I'm not one of those people.

But I'm learning

No Gibo this isn't about religion. And I am sure there are also many many troubled folks who were sexually abused by their priest or overbearing religious parents.

Dear Usual Suspect,

I forgot to add that the "quiet waters run deep" type of person - is the one that I've always been drawn to. And, I've rarely been disappointed by them.

In any case it always takes a while to get to know a person - doesn't it?

As for drugs and anti-depressants. That's a different story. Each case has to be taken on its own merit. Depending what the problem is, and how serious it is - and whether the medication can actually help.
My mother-in-law for example, takes medication for alzheimer's (early stages) and she has not deteriorated in the past couple of years, thanks to her medication.

She was in an awful state before she was put on to her tablets.
So, it all depends on the situation.

extroverts who seek attention and approval from others that's why they feature so highly in the media. to be fair, they also generate enthusiasm and 'fun' in group situations. introverts aren't too great at generating discussion, which is why they are frowned upon by those who crave attention and interaction ("they should be the source of the my fun! how dare they be boring!"-extrovert). however, it's somewhat true. introverts are closed off and hard to approach.