I understand and agree with many feminist grievances around domestic labour, emotional labour, safety, power, and the historical undervaluing of women’s work. The “mental load” is real: planning, remembering, organising, anticipating needs, maintaining family rhythms, and managing social expectations are genuine burdens.

But I think the public conversation is often too one-sided. Women’s invisible labour is framed as oppression, while men’s invisible labour is often treated as duty, privilege, or simply “being an adult.” Many men carry background stress around money, financial security, cars, repairs, insurance, physical risk, confrontation, pests, household safety, and being expected to stay calm or competent when others panic. These burdens are also gendered, but they are rarely included in the accepted language of “mental load.”

I also think some domestic and social standards are not purely necessary. Some are inherited expectations, fear of judgment, perfectionism, identity protection, or competition between women. Women may genuinely be burdened by these standards while also protecting that territory because it gives competence, identity, authority, and social power. Men can then be criticised for not “helping,” while also being placed in the role of helper rather than equal owner.

This matters because one-sided gender narratives can hurt sensitive young men. If boys mainly hear that men are dangerous, selfish, emotionally defective, or responsible for women’s suffering, they may absorb the message that maleness itself is suspect. Girls are told they can do anything; boys are often told what is wrong with them.

Is it any wonder misogynistic influencers gain traction by telling boys they are not inherently evil? They offer one true thing inside a nest of lies. The true thing is that boys deserve dignity. The lie is that dignity comes through contempt, dominance, or resentment.

Yet this phenomenon is so often called “toxic masculinity,” not feminist overreach.

A better conversation would recognise both women’s and men’s invisible burdens without turning either sex into the villain. The real question should not be “why don’t men help more?” but: what loads are each of us carrying that the other person does not count?

Hi Houellebecq,

My concerns centre around gender equality and expectations for both males and females. I want to see equality of opportunity for all, and that includes minorities within society, which is not necessarily gender based. Well educated women have through the feminists revolution manged to exert themselves forcefully within (our) society, and have broken down artificially installed male barriers of control through power..

However, both genders from the lower end of the socio-economic scale are still being subjected to discrimination through the lack of opportunity, which is acceptable because of stereotyping, with a once entrenched attitude of; "that's your destiny in life". Slowly more is being done to give opportunity to those in society who at one time had no such prospects, other that what their social status had predetermined.

I believe education is the key to braking down the barriers that exist, and through education opportunity will present itself for all, including women. That's the social revolution that is occurring in our society, but unfortunately its not the case in most of the world.

Hi Trumpster,

YOU stick up a couple of links YOU copy and paste, probly from an extreme right-wing propaganda site, without any comment, and expect others to open em' up, so to be enlightened by such pearls of wisdom.

BTW; It was your folk hero 'Pig Iron' Bob who when asked, what had be learnt for Australia from WWII. Pig Iron's answer was simple; "How to exploit women with lower wages and worse conditions to boost our profits." He was right, far right!

"YOU stick up a couple of links YOU copy and paste,"

All links are copy/paste. By definition. You probably don't realise that since you never provide links to the rubbish you write eg your 'quote' from Menzies which you either just made up or is another, (yet another) lie you've fallen for.

As to the links I posted, they neatly summarise the issue.

Hi Trumpster,

Not only are you cut and paste jobs cheesy, they're also rather droll. Next thing you'll be posting clips from "Leave It To Beaver", and telling us that's how it was, back in the good old days. Of course those Yankee sanitised versions of yesteryear, where the biggest problem the "little woman" had was what she would serve her adorable husband and squeaky clean children for dinner that evening as a dutiful wife and mother, be it as a second class human being as all females were at that time. No mention of the unjust murder of Black Americans in US prisons, etc, the slaughter of innocent people by American mercenaries in third world countries etc! Instead of being entertaining such gross hypocrisy should make one sick!